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The Problem Page: Knotty Problems

January 24, 2015 by The Twisted Yarn 46 Comments

And now for something completely different.

Or, translated into ‘Yarn-speak… Fear ye not, my fine furry friends, for there are wonders of much newness to be witnessed here on the Yarn, today.

Whilst I’ve been knitting snuggly mitts with the Yarnstories yarn (exhibit A below – proper ‘ta-da’ post coming soon)….

Fortunately our house is plenty cold enough for the wearing of mittens indoors.
Fortunately our house is plenty cold enough for the wearing of mittens indoors.

…I’ve also been quietly preparing a new feature for this site, that will be making an appearance from time to time in amongst the usual knitty, crochety, outdoorsy shenanigans. And that feature is a…

cccc1

Yup good people, please permit me to introduce the column henceforth to be known as KNOTTY PROBLEMS. Understand-ye that this is not a normal problem page, nor a source of technical know-how. No, it is to be something far more useful: a page specifically for the angst that occurs when knitting/crochet meets the real world.

So having thrown open our letterbox to suffering knitting correspondents across the globe, we were deluged, I tell you, with your worries and dilemmas. Poor Colin-The-Postie worked up a proper hernia from heaving sacks of mail up the hill to our house, and our little letterbox developed repetitive strain injury and has gone off sick.

image

Fortunately we received this gem before the letterbox gave up completely, so I can now present you with our first KNOTTY PROBLEM.

Lola from London writes:  “Dear TheTwistedYarn, I knitted a beautiful fairisle jumper for my hubby. It took ages, and I was soooo proud of the finished result!!!! Hubby says that although he likes it, it’s too small, so he can’t wear it. Help!!!!”

THETWISTEDYARN REPLIES: I hear ya, sista, but fret-ye-not, and take those superfluous multiple exclamation marks away because they’re giving me a headache. You, m’dear, are in the very fortunate position of having options. Multiple options. This, like many problems, is merely a matter of perception. So, you could regard your jumper as too small – which is tricky to fix – or your husband as too large. Instantly, a  whole range of new possibilities opens up.

Did your dear husband (please, do desist from calling him ‘hubby’ – it’s too twee) perhaps partake excessively of the Yuletide pudding? If so, you’ve nowt to worry about, because he now has a moral obligation to shrink. You see, by agreeing to be measured up for knitwear, he is effectively entering into a legally(ish)-binding contract to remain exactly the same size until you’ve finished knitting the thing, even if it takes you three years to finish (because let’s face it, fairisle can be fiddly). I’m no lawyer, but I’m almost certain of my facts here.

Your second – and much quicker – option is to divorce his bulging girth and find a new husband of the exact proportions of your exquisite jumper. Come with me, let’s look out of the window a moment at the street below. Look! What do you see? People, yes? Lots and lots of people of every imaginable size and shape. Someone out there will be the perfect size to wear your lovely jumper, even if you did – and you’ll forgive me for pointing this out – knit one sleeve longer than the other.

It’s like Cinderella, innit? Instead of a glass slipper, your task is to find the man who will fit this jumper: the man with a 34-inch chest and one arm longer than the other. That man is out there somewhere, and he is your soulmate. The yarn has spoken, and one must always heed the yarn.

Simple, no? Do let us know how you get on.

Filed Under: Knitting Tagged With: agony aunt, knitting, knitting problems, problem page, yarnstories

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Comments

  1. eclectichomelife.blogspot.com says

    January 24, 2015 at 12:53 pm

    I just spat out my coffee laughing so much. You are priceless, priceless, I tell ya.

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      January 24, 2015 at 1:03 pm

      Oops. Shall I pop round with a cloth to clear up the mess?

      Reply
  2. caroljchristie says

    January 24, 2015 at 12:57 pm

    Brilliant! I just laughed so loudly that my son is now demanding to know what’s so funny.

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      January 28, 2015 at 10:14 pm

      Awww, thank you!

      Reply
  3. TheClutteredCorner says

    January 24, 2015 at 1:02 pm

    I loved this; a beautiful take on the problem. Thanks for a giggle before lunch.

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      January 28, 2015 at 10:14 pm

      You’re muchly welcome. And thank you for your comment.

      Reply
  4. GreenElephantCrochet says

    January 24, 2015 at 2:11 pm

    Excellent 🙂 hehehe

    Reply
  5. Chris @ makeandwear says

    January 24, 2015 at 2:20 pm

    Very funny – you are the Mrs Mills of the knitting & crochet world !!

    Reply
  6. knitsbywhit says

    January 24, 2015 at 2:21 pm

    Hahaha! I love the solution of just finding a new husband to fit the knitwear.

    Reply
  7. Sharon Mann says

    January 24, 2015 at 2:46 pm

    Dear Phil – you have done it again, made me belly laugh with my morning coffee. I look forward to more knotty problems. And, your mits are exquisite! Have a very yarny day!

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      January 28, 2015 at 10:17 pm

      Thank you for such a lovely comment. And I’m glad I made you laugh. (But I wish I could draw like you can.)

      Reply
  8. meganb1977 says

    January 24, 2015 at 3:06 pm

    Hahaha!

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      January 28, 2015 at 10:25 pm

      🙂

      Reply
  9. The Chaos Realm says

    January 24, 2015 at 3:18 pm

    I love the mittens! I could see them in a gothy black yarn with silvery sparkles to it!

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      January 28, 2015 at 10:26 pm

      Strange that you should mention that. I’ve just been given some gothy black yarn with silver sparkles, and I wasn’t quite sure what to do with it…………

      Reply
  10. jem arrowsmith says

    January 24, 2015 at 4:51 pm

    Hahaha, I love it! The Knotty Problem page is a brilliant idea, I’m already looking forward to the next one! Great mittens too 🙂

    Reply
  11. thecontentedcrafter says

    January 24, 2015 at 5:15 pm

    🙂 😀 😀 Snort!! The ‘mitten’ is very cute too!

    Reply
  12. slippedstitches says

    January 24, 2015 at 5:18 pm

    I loved this post. I think it solves the problem perfectly.

    Reply
  13. narf77 says

    January 24, 2015 at 6:58 pm

    Yes, perfect logic Ms Twisted. After all, one is only as good as the husband that one knits for. If you want to get all exotic with said knitting, one had jolly well better get oneself a decent exotic mannequin! Sterling advice. I feel a newspaper column future coming on…

    Reply
  14. pomegranateandchintz says

    January 24, 2015 at 8:35 pm

    What sage advice. I’m very keen to know what Lola of London does. (Personally I think finding the new hubby, oops, sorry husband is the quicker option, and so much more exciting!) Looking forward to more from The Problem Page…….

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      January 28, 2015 at 10:29 pm

      Thank you. 🙂 I’ll, um, let you know if she updates me…. 😉 (PS, just been sighing over your gorgeous latest post.)

      Reply
  15. Woollen Wildnerness says

    January 24, 2015 at 8:43 pm

    Oh boy, I just started giggling so much reading this I got a very annoyed look from my cat. This column is a brilliant idea, can’t wait for the next instalment!

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      January 28, 2015 at 10:30 pm

      Yikes, I offended your cat? That’s bad, isn’t it. Cats are fierce. Right, the column is CANCELLED. Please inform your cat. 🙂

      Reply
  16. gladeridercrafts says

    January 24, 2015 at 8:54 pm

    Oh joy, what a wonderful idea 🙂 (And do I spot the knitted mandala in the background there? 😛 )

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      January 28, 2015 at 10:31 pm

      Yup, I still haven’t got round to moving it to wear it’s supposed to be long-term. Well spotted. 🙂

      Reply
  17. Amy at love made my home says

    January 24, 2015 at 8:59 pm

    So funny!! xx

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      January 28, 2015 at 10:32 pm

      Thank you. And thank you for wandering over here from Selma’s blog. I’ve been sneakily looking at your lovely blog, too. 🙂

      Reply
  18. Mindy says

    January 24, 2015 at 9:10 pm

    To quote from one of my favorite TV shows ever, “That’s gold, Jerry! Gold!”

    Reply
  19. pippa says

    January 24, 2015 at 9:30 pm

    This is a little too close to home, haven’t finished the vest [Alice Starmore design] – no sleeves for this guy, but I’m up to the arm holes and we’ll see. If need be, I will wear it myself! Or block “the snot out of it” to quote one of my favorite designers. We’ll see, We’ll see, We’ll see, We’ll see

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      January 28, 2015 at 10:32 pm

      Oh Alice Starmore is a genius! Good luck, though. Do we get to see pictures??????

      Reply
  20. youngatfifty says

    January 24, 2015 at 9:31 pm

    A ‘problem page’ from ‘twisted yarn’ is sure to have delightfully twisted solutions 😀 Looking forward to more knotty pages !

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      January 28, 2015 at 10:33 pm

      Awwwwww, thank you. 🙂

      Reply
  21. northmelbournemum says

    January 25, 2015 at 12:02 am

    Ah too good! I see a Harry Potter-esqe deluge of mail akin to the first book/movie arriving at your front door!

    Reply
  22. E.C. says

    January 25, 2015 at 12:03 am

    lol You have such a fun way of expressing things. I can hardly wait until the problem page makes it appearance. It’ll be a nice change to read solutions/advice that are fun. 🙂

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      January 28, 2015 at 10:48 pm

      Awwww, thank you muchly. 🙂

      Reply
  23. cathy says

    January 25, 2015 at 1:21 am

    I enjoy all your posts, but this one was especially good. it’s hard to get meto laugh, but you managed to do it more than once in your post.

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      January 28, 2015 at 10:49 pm

      Thank you for such kind words. 🙂

      Reply
  24. Gallivanta says

    January 25, 2015 at 7:52 am

    I am a little worried that these solutions may produce more knotty problems. 😉

    Reply
  25. Carole says

    January 25, 2015 at 12:21 pm

    Can’t. type. for. laughing.

    Reply
  26. djdfr says

    January 25, 2015 at 2:35 pm

    Was it so small he couldn’t get it off? In that case, take a pair of scissors and turn it into a cardigan.

    Reply
  27. leelotchka44 says

    January 25, 2015 at 7:09 pm

    The yarn has spoken, and one must always heed the yarn.
    Oh I love the suggestion to find a man who fit the strange knitted product. OF COURSE! I have had it the wrong way ALL the time. Now I am FREE

    Reply
  28. fabrickated says

    January 26, 2015 at 11:18 am

    I love this – and hope you do many more problem pages. We all need more amusement. And the pink fingerless gloves are splendid.

    Reply
  29. Gillian says

    January 27, 2015 at 4:47 pm

    Very funny.

    Reply
  30. threadandethel says

    January 28, 2015 at 4:43 pm

    You bring joy to my day…and choking down my coffee…with laughter. Joy and choking- my life is full. 🙂

    Reply
  31. wrchili says

    January 30, 2015 at 3:19 pm

    Excellent! Lol

    Reply

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  1. Colour For A Winter’s Day | the twisted yarn says:
    January 27, 2015 at 9:37 pm

    […] ← The Problem Page: Knotty Problems January 27, 2015 · 9:37 pm ↓ Jump to Comments […]

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Whilst I recover from surgery, I'm knitting another Äkäslompolo cardigan (that I designed for @novitaknits yarns) because I want one to keep! Just started the armhole steeks. The thing about having a rubbish memory is that every instruction comes as a surprise, even though I wrote it. 
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Pattern currently available in Finnish in the Novita magazine, but I'll be allowed to publish it in English in a couple of months' time. 
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#strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #fairislecardigan #knitdesigner #fairisle #fairislefriday #strikke #strikkedilla #virkning #garn #knitspo #knitspiration #novita #tricot #tricoter #steek #steeking #knitwear #stashknitting #handknit #handknitting #colourworkknitting #colorworkknitting #igknit #igknitters #strikstrikstrik #heirloomknits #knitting

Whilst I recover from surgery, I`m knitting another Äkäslompolo cardigan (that I designed for @novitaknits yarns) because I want one to keep! Just started the armhole steeks. The thing about having a rubbish memory is that every instruction comes as a surprise, even though I wrote it.
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Pattern currently available in Finnish in the Novita magazine, but I`ll be allowed to publish it in English in a couple of months` time.
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#strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #fairislecardigan #knitdesigner #fairisle #fairislefriday #strikke #strikkedilla #virkning #garn #knitspo #knitspiration #novita #tricot #tricoter #steek #steeking #knitwear #stashknitting #handknit #handknitting #colourworkknitting #colorworkknitting #igknit #igknitters #strikstrikstrik #heirloomknits #knitting
...

361 22

thetwistedyarn

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Oct 31

Open
There's a new blog post in town. See link in bio or explore thetwistedyarn.com.

There`s a new blog post in town. See link in bio or explore thetwistedyarn.com. ...

157 5

thetwistedyarn

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Nov 19

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Just got home from a really intense work-day down the psychology mines, only to discover these wonderful socks that the ever-awesome @buttonspickles knitted for me. They are very beautiful and very cosy, and the yarn is the colourway that I designed for Stylecraft, i.e. Head Over Heels in the shade 'Saltaire'. (I don't think Stylecraft sells it any more.) But these socks are just perfect and I love them and I'm feeling very grateful for my friends. ❤
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#stylecraft #stylecraftyarns #stylecraftheadoverheels #sockknittersofinstagram

Just got home from a really intense work-day down the psychology mines, only to discover these wonderful socks that the ever-awesome @buttonspickles knitted for me. They are very beautiful and very cosy, and the yarn is the colourway that I designed for Stylecraft, i.e. Head Over Heels in the shade `Saltaire`. (I don`t think Stylecraft sells it any more.) But these socks are just perfect and I love them and I`m feeling very grateful for my friends. ❤
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#stylecraft #stylecraftyarns #stylecraftheadoverheels #sockknittersofinstagram
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200 15

thetwistedyarn

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Apr 16

Open
Kittens sitting in the crocheted garden. By the way, someone pointed out that there's a fake account pretending to be me: it's at thetwistedyarn_  I can't view it because they've blocked me, but if any kind soul would be kind enough to report it, I'd be very grateful. Thank you, my Fine Fibrous Friends!

Kittens sitting in the crocheted garden. By the way, someone pointed out that there`s a fake account pretending to be me: it`s at thetwistedyarn_ I can`t view it because they`ve blocked me, but if any kind soul would be kind enough to report it, I`d be very grateful. Thank you, my Fine Fibrous Friends! ...

298 75

thetwistedyarn

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Sep 18

Open
Half-way through the dragonfly motif on my Äkäslompolo cardigan. Speedy progress on knitting due to annoyingly slow progress on surgery recovery. Grrr....
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#strikke #strikstrikstrik #knittersofig #knitspo #knitspiration #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #fairislecardigan #fairisle #fairisleknitting #steek #steeking #novitaknits #novita #äkäslompolo #knitdesigner

Half-way through the dragonfly motif on my Äkäslompolo cardigan. Speedy progress on knitting due to annoyingly slow progress on surgery recovery. Grrr....
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#strikke #strikstrikstrik #knittersofig #knitspo #knitspiration #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #fairislecardigan #fairisle #fairisleknitting #steek #steeking #novitaknits #novita #äkäslompolo #knitdesigner
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253 13

thetwistedyarn

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Apr 26

Open
Decent weather for a run. Yes I do occasionally put my knitting down. The colours of this view are a statement, too.
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#running #freedomforukraine

Decent weather for a run. Yes I do occasionally put my knitting down. The colours of this view are a statement, too.
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#running #freedomforukraine
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206 4

thetwistedyarn

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Jan 23

Open
New blog post at thetwistedyarn.com (or see link in bio).

New blog post at thetwistedyarn.com (or see link in bio). ...

133 1

thetwistedyarn

View

Feb 12

Open
Another day, another blog post. See linky in bio or thetwistedyarn.com.

Another day, another blog post. See linky in bio or thetwistedyarn.com. ...

89 0

thetwistedyarn

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Jan 11

Open
New blog post at thetwistedyarn.com, yeah?

New blog post at thetwistedyarn.com, yeah? ...

218 7

thetwistedyarn

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Aug 7

Open
Sitting under a tree to avoid the drizzle, knitting 1x1 rib. This is the life! (Garden isn't mine, so I can't take credit for its beauty.) I hope you too can find a little time to knit today.
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#stylecrafthighlandheathers #stylecraftyarn #stylecraftyarns #knitdesigner #knittersofig #Garden #strikkedilla #strikke #virkning #lovetoknit #knittingismytherapy

Sitting under a tree to avoid the drizzle, knitting 1x1 rib. This is the life! (Garden isn`t mine, so I can`t take credit for its beauty.) I hope you too can find a little time to knit today.
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#stylecrafthighlandheathers #stylecraftyarn #stylecraftyarns #knitdesigner #knittersofig #Garden #strikkedilla #strikke #virkning #lovetoknit #knittingismytherapy
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253 10

thetwistedyarn

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Nov 5

Open
My new dress design is in the latest edition of Novita magazine. OK so you'll need to speak Finnish to understand it, but six months from now I'll be allowed to publish the same pattern in English on my website. @novitaknits is awesome.

My new dress design is in the latest edition of Novita magazine. OK so you`ll need to speak Finnish to understand it, but six months from now I`ll be allowed to publish the same pattern in English on my website. @novitaknits is awesome. ...

186 15

thetwistedyarn

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Jun 24

Open
Thank goodness I'm not a perfectionist. 
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#fairislecardigan #fairisletechniques #fairisleknitting #fairisledesign #fairisle #fairislefriday #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting

Thank goodness I`m not a perfectionist.
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#fairislecardigan #fairisletechniques #fairisleknitting #fairisledesign #fairisle #fairislefriday #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting
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200 14

thetwistedyarn

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Feb 25

Open
When life imitates "art". Note the little crocheted kitten beside the pond, paws stretched out, just like the real thing. I had no idea when I crocheted/knitted this chair cover that I'd one day be a kitten-slave for real. #blackcatsrule

When life imitates "art". Note the little crocheted kitten beside the pond, paws stretched out, just like the real thing. I had no idea when I crocheted/knitted this chair cover that I`d one day be a kitten-slave for real. #blackcatsrule ...

289 9

thetwistedyarn

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Aug 16

Open
It's not often that my activities here and on my @the.twisted.garden page overlap, but sometimes you just need to crochet a hammock for your squash.

It`s not often that my activities here and on my @the.twisted.garden page overlap, but sometimes you just need to crochet a hammock for your squash. ...

221 20

thetwistedyarn

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Nov 23

Open
The knitting is done! Just reworking the FREE pattern using the new yarn. 
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#autumnknitting #fallknitting #knitsforautumn #autumnleaves #rowanfeltedtweed #knitdesigner #knittingdesigner #virkningsprojekt #virkning #strikkedilla #strikke #fairisleknitting #fairislefriday #fairisleknitting #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #knitspo #knitspiration #stitchfiddle

The knitting is done! Just reworking the FREE pattern using the new yarn.
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#autumnknitting #fallknitting #knitsforautumn #autumnleaves #rowanfeltedtweed #knitdesigner #knittingdesigner #virkningsprojekt #virkning #strikkedilla #strikke #fairisleknitting #fairislefriday #fairisleknitting #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #knitspo #knitspiration #stitchfiddle
...

571 35

thetwistedyarn

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Jul 21

Open
@novitaknits have done a fabulous job of photographing my cardigan design. ❤ I HIGHLY recommend following their beautiful Insta page. Pattern out very soon. 
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#strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #fairisletechniques #steek #steeking #howtosteek #fairislecardigan #fairisle #fairisleknitting

@novitaknits have done a fabulous job of photographing my cardigan design. ❤ I HIGHLY recommend following their beautiful Insta page. Pattern out very soon.
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#strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #fairisletechniques #steek #steeking #howtosteek #fairislecardigan #fairisle #fairisleknitting
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285 12

thetwistedyarn

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Feb 5

Open
Today. I'm mostly contemplating shoulders (pic 1) and walking with the Twinnage and Stoic Spouse (pic 2). 
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#knitdesigner

Today. I`m mostly contemplating shoulders (pic 1) and walking with the Twinnage and Stoic Spouse (pic 2).
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#knitdesigner
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146 2

thetwistedyarn

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Nov 10

Open
Haven't done a knitting-and-walking photo for a while, so here's a shot from walking the twinnage to school this morning. 
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#knittingandwalking #roosimine #roosimineknitting #knitinpublic #knittinginpublic #rowanfeltedtweed #estonianknitting #garn #strikkedilla #strikke #virkning

Haven`t done a knitting-and-walking photo for a while, so here`s a shot from walking the twinnage to school this morning.
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#knittingandwalking #roosimine #roosimineknitting #knitinpublic #knittinginpublic #rowanfeltedtweed #estonianknitting #garn #strikkedilla #strikke #virkning
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208 3

thetwistedyarn

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Nov 20

Open
Hairy trouble is afoot. See thetwistedyarn.com or linky in profile for new blog post.

Hairy trouble is afoot. See thetwistedyarn.com or linky in profile for new blog post. ...

212 6

thetwistedyarn

View

Jan 11

Open
Knitting in a power-cut. 
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#garn #strikkedilla #strikke #fairisleknitting #fairislefriday #fairisledesign #fairisle #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #knitspo #knitspiration

Knitting in a power-cut.
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#garn #strikkedilla #strikke #fairisleknitting #fairislefriday #fairisledesign #fairisle #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #knitspo #knitspiration
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585 14

thetwistedyarn

View

Dec 31

Open
New blog post at thetwistedyarn.com,  or see link in bio.

New blog post at thetwistedyarn.com, or see link in bio. ...

266 6
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