Gosh, this is complicated.
Whilst I dither about the garden of the big crochet house project, I’m writing up the pattern for the crochet house bag, because I want to offer it (free) to those of you who are crazy enough to want to make one yourselves. And hey folks, guess what? Insanely complicated fiddly piece of crochet translates into insanely complicated fiddly pattern. Who’d’ve guessed?! One of the things I love about knitting/crochet is that a relatively short list of instructions on a page is often all you need to create a complex and beautiful finished three-dimensional object. Not so in this case. Imagine so very many lines of detailed instructions that if you try to download them, your laptop will sink deep into the sofa under the weight of it all, and if you attempt to print it out, your printer will go bang and set the smoke alarm off, thus irritating absolutely anyone and everyone who lives with you, especially the cat.
For the front of the house, it’s really not a pattern where you can just write, “Repeat rows 1-2 30 times,” or, “Continue in pattern until your work measures…” because every single row is a brand new minefield of insanity that needs some hefty explanation.
What also doesn’t help is my detail-monkey tendencies, that mean that I’m leaving nothing to chance, which will no doubt annoy the more experienced hookers who would attempt this pattern, because they don’t need to be told Every Single Thing Yet Again For Every Single Row. Silly I know, because this is definitely not a first-ever-crochet-project sort of pattern. Do you think I should remove the instructions about when to refill your wine-glass/tea-cup, and what colour socks to wear for this endeavour?
More seriously, I do realize that there’s a delicate balance to be had between spoon-feeding your pattern-readers so much that they’re pretty much told when to breathe, or conversely leaving so much to their experience and wisdom that your pattern merely says, “Pick up your hook. Make this thing.” And however you write your pattern, somebody is going to be annoyed. Do you see the dilemma?
So I’m erring on the side of detailed, and if anyone wants to sue me for damage to their desk/sofa by the weight of the instructions that they’ve had to download/print, then so be it. (If you win your case, may I please pay you in home-baked cookies rather than in actual hard cash?)
Personally, I’m very much a spatial thinker (for goodness sake give me a map, not a list of directions… and a diagram rather than a description), so I’ve drawn a rough chart of this pattern, but it’s going to take a wee bit of effort and an extension of my paltry technological skills to translate this into a smart online version with the proper symbols. I’m doing my best, though, and now that the Tyrannical Twinnage have started school, I stand some chance of succeeding.
Right, I’d better get back to the pattern grindstone. See how effectively I’m avoiding the task by writing a blog post about it?