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When I’m Cleaning Windows

October 12, 2015 by The Twisted Yarn 29 Comments

And how’s a lass supposed to live her knitting life when “real life” (imagine me doing that exaggerated quotation marks thingy in the air with my fingers whilst pulling a disdainful face as I say those two words) keeps barging in and demanding attention? Forsooth, anyone would think that I had to work for a living and parent my children and put the bins out and even haul my idle rear out of this chair in order to chuck another log on the fire. Oh, wait…

(May I just say at this point that I love the fact that my spellcheck is comfortable with ‘forsooth’? That’s my kind of spellcheck. It also tolerates ‘thingy’. I can see that me and this spellcheck are going to be firm friends. Unlike me and my satnav, who have fallen out after it attempted to persuade me to beat a traffic jam by directing me to come off the motorway at a junction, whizz round the roundabout and then sneak straight back on to the same motorway in order to overtake all of about ten cars: as a result of this arseholery, we’re no longer on speaking terms. Oh… the spellcheck doesn’t condone ‘arseholery’: I know how it feels.)

But life throws things at you and expects you to catch them, which is a pity because I’ve always been thoroughly rubbish at ball games. And those things that life hurls your way sometimes interfere with knitting.

For example, we’ve had a couple of birthdays around here. A couple of very small, twin-shaped birthdays. I did a lot of chocolaty baking. And blew up a lot of balloons. And cleared up a lot of brutally shredded wrapping paper after the ferociously feral frenzy of gift-opening that occurred. The Tyrannical Twinnage requested little guitars for their birthday, in order to be just like their guitar-strumming father. A wise friend advised that ukuleles make perfect children’s ‘guitars’. So my parents, the Twisted Seniors, gave the boys ukes. A good idea, no?

ukulele www.thetwistedyarn.com

Thus far, the boys strum with more attention to rhythm than to tune, but even George Formby had to begin somewhere.

uke1
Headless, legless twin strums ukulele.

Speaking of George Formby, my Dad made the mistake of mentioning him in front of the Stoic Spouse. Really Dad, you should have known better. So now, the walls of our old brewery home (and possibly the walls of the neighbours’ homes too) are reverberating to the chords of ‘When I’m Cleaning Windows’, and I’m joining in with my best singing voice. The poor twinnage scarcely get a look-in with their ukuleles.

But this birthday was the first one that the twinnage really anticipated and understood and enjoyed. And I’ve almost finished removing all the balloons from the ceiling. (You know that thing where you rub balloons on your hair/clothes and then they stick to the ceiling via static electricity? My Dad does that. A lot. Invite him to your party and you’ll be removing balloons from the ceiling all flippin’ night. You have been warned.)

My Mum, meanwhile, had a go with the giant knitting needles that I bought at the Knitting And Stitching Show. Look! She’s not entirely converted.

image

…But I feel a hearth rug coming on, when present projects are finished.

So I’d better get on with those present projects, which include crocheting the vegetable garden and writing up the house bag pattern for you. More muchly soon, my friends.

(Oh, the spellcheck dislikes ‘muchly’.)

Filed Under: Knitting Tagged With: crochet, George Formby, giant knitting needles, guitar, knitting, satnav, ukulele, When I'm Cleaning Windows

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Comments

  1. wightstitches says

    October 12, 2015 at 10:04 pm

    Love that you posted this late in the day, needed a smile after hours of frenetic knitting.. (you and I know it isn’t ALWAYS a relaxing activity..lol ) … remember my eldest ‘taking up’ the clarinet, pretty sure he caused my tinnitus bless him. 😀

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      October 13, 2015 at 10:51 am

      Hmm…. Maybe giving small children musical instruments wasn’t such a clever idea… See you at the tinnitus clinic in a few years’ time…

      Reply
  2. thecontentedcrafter says

    October 13, 2015 at 12:08 am

    Love the giant needles – if nothing else it will trim up the underarm flab!!
    My youngest had a brief fling with the clarinet. She nagged for months to be allowed one, said her life would be ruined if not etc. Not wishing to be responsible for my ten year olds nervous breakdown and lifelong trauma I gave in…….. After approx. her fifth lesson she told me her teacher had said she was so good she no longer needed to practise. That was pretty much the end of her musical education!!

    Happy Birthday to the twinnage and whole family – I always think the mother should receive a gift on the occasion of each child’s anniversary – acknowledgement for having survived the year. 🙂

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      October 13, 2015 at 10:53 am

      Oh dear (re the brief clarinet flirtation). But if you hadn’t given in, you would never have heard the end of it.
      And I like your theory about children’s birthdays. It’s the anniversary of having given birth – I deserve a stiff drink, at the very least!

      Reply
  3. arlingwoman says

    October 13, 2015 at 1:25 am

    Those giant knitting needles look more like spears. In fact, they might effectively spear wayward balloons. Mother Twisted is a regular trooper to do anything other than threaten people with them. Who tune the ukes, by the way?

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      October 13, 2015 at 10:55 am

      The Stoic tunes the ukes, as he’s used to tuning his guitar. I believe he has an app. (Is there any function or skill that can’t be replaced by an app, these days?
      The needles do look very much like spears. After buying them, I felt a little more confident striding through a gloomy secluded wooded area towards my car. I mean, would you attack anyone carrying those things?

      Reply
      • arlingwoman says

        October 13, 2015 at 1:03 pm

        I just bought a marvelous thing called a snark that attaches to your guitar, uke, violin or mandolin up at the pegs and flashes green when you hit the note right on. It’s soooo much easier…

        Reply
  4. Lindsey says

    October 13, 2015 at 4:36 am

    The headless, legless strummer is wearing a great sweater. Did you make it?

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      October 13, 2015 at 10:57 am

      I’m ashamed to say that I did not. I’ve largely given up knitting clothes for the twinnage because they spend so much time in the washing machine that they always end up felting and shrinking. I should probably start again, though.

      Reply
  5. Shelagh says

    October 13, 2015 at 6:09 am

    Ugh, satnavs 🙁 I got so mad with the ‘arseholery’ mine inflicted on me, I threw it out of the car window. I regretted it later – I really should have found a bin.

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      October 13, 2015 at 10:58 am

      *laughs*
      They do have personalities, you know, mostly maladaptive ones that want to ruin your day/life.

      Reply
  6. dragontearsoflove says

    October 13, 2015 at 6:14 am

    Love the Ukes…made my boyfriend sit through the George Formby video, and I loved the photo of Mum using the boat oars you managed to turn into knitting needles…and you cleaned the windows?!!! How do you find the time?

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      October 13, 2015 at 11:00 am

      Nope, I haven’t cleaned any windows. That was just a Formby song. Our windows are shamefully filthy. Really embarrassingly, shamefully filthy. Sigh.

      Reply
      • dragontearsoflove says

        October 16, 2015 at 6:46 am

        We’ll forgive you. I won’t count the years since I’ve been troubled to clean a window…there has to be an easier, less boring way…like a tie-dye cleaning solution sprayer that changes color as you rinse it off, but does the work like scrubbing bubbles do.

        Reply
  7. Crochet Club says

    October 13, 2015 at 6:37 am

    Happy birthday! Sounds like a fun party, and what a great gift!

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      October 13, 2015 at 11:00 am

      Thank you on their behalf!

      Reply
  8. Rebecca Dodgson says

    October 13, 2015 at 6:40 am

    Just as well there is a lot of wool in your house to rub balloons on because – dare I say – there ain’t a lot of hair. At least on the male line.

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      October 13, 2015 at 11:00 am

      Ha ha, I can’t really argue with that, although I do have enough hair to make up for everyone else. And even the twinnage are getting quite fluffy these days.

      Reply
  9. nanacathy2 says

    October 13, 2015 at 7:04 am

    How I miss children’s birthday parties, NOT!
    Wait till your satnav starts freezing at highly inappropriate moments and you shoot past your turning and have to drive round and round a one way system!!

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      October 13, 2015 at 11:01 am

      Don’t give it ideas, please! Mostly it just takes a few minutes to figure out where it is when I start it up, so I have to drive round (and round) until it decides where we’re going.

      Reply
  10. Noémie says

    October 13, 2015 at 9:05 am

    For a sec I thought you had stopped knitting to clean your windows, I thought you were mad but I’m relieved now 😀 my son had a thing with that song and was playing it all day for months, it’s a real ear worm! Thanks to you it’s back in loop in my head now, for the foreseeable future 😉

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      October 13, 2015 at 11:03 am

      Eek, I am so so sorry. That is possibly the worst earworm to have given anyone. You’d be well within your rights to sue me for millions of pounds. Not that I have millions of pounds, but it would distract you from George Formby.
      And no, I definitely DEFINITELY have not been cleaning any windows.

      Reply
  11. jules says

    October 13, 2015 at 11:51 am

    My sister has threatened to send a recorder shaped parcel this way for Christmas! Not sure how to avoid this one. Get them busking?

    Reply
  12. Dramatic Lyric says

    October 13, 2015 at 3:18 pm

    I love the grandiose and home-made words you use 🙂 Thanks for the smile this morning.

    Reply
  13. wendelika says

    October 13, 2015 at 3:49 pm

    I can completely relate to this. I am having to juggle Etsy orders, 5 children still at home and my blog. At present, my blog seems to be getting the short end of the stick.

    Glad to hear that you’re hanging in there! I enjoy reading your posts, even though I don’t always take the time to comment.

    Here’s to hoping that we both get some knitting time in today. 🙂

    Reply
  14. slippedstitches says

    October 13, 2015 at 3:50 pm

    Loved this post. Sounds like everyone had a super great time. And that’s what it is really all about.

    Reply
  15. narf77 says

    October 13, 2015 at 6:08 pm

    My spellcheck was a Nazi Storm trooper in a past life. Despite me taking the (enormous amount of, for a Luddite) time to ensure that I ticked “Australian English”, it insists on inserting the letter “z” for anything with an “s” in it and completely refusing, point blank, to accept the word chook into its vernacular. You seriously do want the twins to form their own death metal band don’t you. I am guessing that every day in the old brewery resembles a chapter of “Through the looking glass” but that photo of your mum with the giant needles is making me question the contents of this mornings 3am tea bags. We both have our projects that are starting to take on that quality of urgency that necessitates booze. I need to get my act together and finish a fellow classmates custom doll of one of the characters in his idea for an anime series. I am hoping that one day this doll will be used as some kind of prop or advertising for this multi-national syndicated series and fame will rush at me like a bull at a red rag. Most likely the doll will just languish on some shelf till it moves to a box and then straight to the thrift shop BUT you just never know where crochet will end up next and it might just be ripe for the next great crochet phase of 2037. Get hooking Ms Twisted, we haven’t got much time to amass our fortunes worth of crochet prior to the rush.

    Reply
  16. Carol says

    October 14, 2015 at 8:05 am

    I see your spellcheck doesn’t know the difference between give and live! No matter, the music you should be listening to is “The Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain” they’re truly amazing.

    Reply
  17. Cricket Fox says

    October 16, 2015 at 12:34 am

    What a great day. Will Mom try the giant needles again?

    Reply

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Apr 23

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We popped down to the New Forest for the day. The twinnage loved it. There was, of course, some knitting. 
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#knittinginpublic #knittingandwalking #knitspo #knitspiration #novitaknits #strandedknitting #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #Fairisle #fairisleknitting #fairisledesign #fairislefriday #fairislecardigan #garn #strikkedilla #strikke #virkning

We popped down to the New Forest for the day. The twinnage loved it. There was, of course, some knitting.
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#knittinginpublic #knittingandwalking #knitspo #knitspiration #novitaknits #strandedknitting #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #Fairisle #fairisleknitting #fairisledesign #fairislefriday #fairislecardigan #garn #strikkedilla #strikke #virkning
...

272 4

thetwistedyarn

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Oct 31

Open
There's a new blog post in town. See link in bio or explore thetwistedyarn.com.

There`s a new blog post in town. See link in bio or explore thetwistedyarn.com. ...

157 5

thetwistedyarn

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May 24

Open
A yoke is taking shape. Yarn by @novitaknits .
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#fairisleknitting #fairisle #fairisleknitting #jacquardknit #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #yoke #yokejumper #yokesweater #knittingtopdown

A yoke is taking shape. Yarn by @novitaknits .
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#fairisleknitting #fairisle #fairisleknitting #jacquardknit #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #yoke #yokejumper #yokesweater #knittingtopdown
...

122 4

thetwistedyarn

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Apr 5

Open
The steeks are cut and it's beginning to look a lot like a cardigan (apart from the lack of sleeves, collar, button bands, buttons, and a really thorough blocking, but what's a few details between friends?) I'm excited that the knitted reality is coming out pretty much how I hoped when I created the design. Feel free to laugh at my hubris when it all goes wrong tomorrow...
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#knittersofinsta #knitspo #knitspiration #garn #strikkedilla #strikke #virkning #knitwear #knitdesigner #novitaknits #nevernotknitting #Fairisle #fairislefriday #fairislecardigan #fairisleknitting #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting

The steeks are cut and it`s beginning to look a lot like a cardigan (apart from the lack of sleeves, collar, button bands, buttons, and a really thorough blocking, but what`s a few details between friends?) I`m excited that the knitted reality is coming out pretty much how I hoped when I created the design. Feel free to laugh at my hubris when it all goes wrong tomorrow...
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#knittersofinsta #knitspo #knitspiration #garn #strikkedilla #strikke #virkning #knitwear #knitdesigner #novitaknits #nevernotknitting #Fairisle #fairislefriday #fairislecardigan #fairisleknitting #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting
...

415 19

thetwistedyarn

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Nov 9

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Working on the book, fuelled by green tea and optimism.

Working on the book, fuelled by green tea and optimism. ...

193 4

thetwistedyarn

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Mar 16

Open
There's a new blog post at thetwistedyarn.com (or see link in bio). It's a little different from normal, as it pays tribute to my recently deceased aunt. But don't worry, normal yarny shenanigans will resume next post. 
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#copingwithgrief #grief #funeral

There`s a new blog post at thetwistedyarn.com (or see link in bio). It`s a little different from normal, as it pays tribute to my recently deceased aunt. But don`t worry, normal yarny shenanigans will resume next post.
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#copingwithgrief #grief #funeral
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148 8

thetwistedyarn

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Jul 5

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New blog post at thetwistedyarn.com,  or see linky in comments..

New blog post at thetwistedyarn.com, or see linky in comments.. ...

114 1

thetwistedyarn

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Jan 29

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There's a new blog post at thetwistedyarn.com, or see link in comments.

There`s a new blog post at thetwistedyarn.com, or see link in comments. ...

187 0

thetwistedyarn

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Mar 11

Open
Good morning, lovely people. Isn't knitting just the BEST distraction?
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#strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #fairisleknitting #Fairisle #knitdesigner #knitspo #stylecraftspecial #stylecraftspecialdk #knitspiration #fairislefriday #garn #strikke #virkning

Good morning, lovely people. Isn`t knitting just the BEST distraction?
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#strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #fairisleknitting #Fairisle #knitdesigner #knitspo #stylecraftspecial #stylecraftspecialdk #knitspiration #fairislefriday #garn #strikke #virkning
...

302 9

thetwistedyarn

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May 2

Open
I finished designing a thing. @novitaknits yarns are lush. 🙂
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#strandedcolourwork #strandedknitting #strandedcolorwork #fairisletechniques #fairislefriday #fairisledesign #knitdesigner #knittingdesigner #nevernotknitting #novitaknits #novita #garn #strikkedilla #strikke #virkning #knitspo #knitspiration

I finished designing a thing. @novitaknits yarns are lush. 🙂
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#strandedcolourwork #strandedknitting #strandedcolorwork #fairisletechniques #fairislefriday #fairisledesign #knitdesigner #knittingdesigner #nevernotknitting #novitaknits #novita #garn #strikkedilla #strikke #virkning #knitspo #knitspiration
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352 48

thetwistedyarn

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Jan 15

Open
Mix of high-tech and low-tech in today's number-crunching.

Mix of high-tech and low-tech in today`s number-crunching. ...

165 10

thetwistedyarn

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Mar 5

Open
New blog post, right here: https://thetwistedyarn.com/2022/03/05/blue-and-yellow/

New blog post, right here: https://thetwistedyarn.com/2022/03/05/blue-and-yellow/ ...

174 4

thetwistedyarn

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Jan 14

Open
Uh-oh. #knittingwithcats @stylecraftyarns

Uh-oh. #knittingwithcats @stylecraftyarns ...

227 15

thetwistedyarn

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Apr 26

Open
Decent weather for a run. Yes I do occasionally put my knitting down. The colours of this view are a statement, too.
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#running #freedomforukraine

Decent weather for a run. Yes I do occasionally put my knitting down. The colours of this view are a statement, too.
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#running #freedomforukraine
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206 4

thetwistedyarn

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Dec 31

Open
New blog post at thetwistedyarn.com,  or see link in bio.

New blog post at thetwistedyarn.com, or see link in bio. ...

266 6

thetwistedyarn

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May 27

Open
Fancy a new blog post? See link in bio or visit thetwistedyarn.com. @novitaknits

Fancy a new blog post? See link in bio or visit thetwistedyarn.com. @novitaknits ...

83 1

thetwistedyarn

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Sep 18

Open
Half-way through the dragonfly motif on my Äkäslompolo cardigan. Speedy progress on knitting due to annoyingly slow progress on surgery recovery. Grrr....
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#strikke #strikstrikstrik #knittersofig #knitspo #knitspiration #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #fairislecardigan #fairisle #fairisleknitting #steek #steeking #novitaknits #novita #äkäslompolo #knitdesigner

Half-way through the dragonfly motif on my Äkäslompolo cardigan. Speedy progress on knitting due to annoyingly slow progress on surgery recovery. Grrr....
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#strikke #strikstrikstrik #knittersofig #knitspo #knitspiration #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #fairislecardigan #fairisle #fairisleknitting #steek #steeking #novitaknits #novita #äkäslompolo #knitdesigner
...

253 13

thetwistedyarn

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Jan 23

Open
New blog post at thetwistedyarn.com (or see link in bio).

New blog post at thetwistedyarn.com (or see link in bio). ...

133 1

thetwistedyarn

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Oct 26

Open
This is going to sound like a paid advert, but I swear that it's not. I've just stumbled across a website called @YarnSub and it's awesome! You can enter the name of any yarn and it'll give you the best possible substitutions with a % match score based on gauge, texture, fibre, etc. See https://yarnsub.com and enjoy!

This is going to sound like a paid advert, but I swear that it`s not. I`ve just stumbled across a website called @YarnSub and it`s awesome! You can enter the name of any yarn and it`ll give you the best possible substitutions with a % match score based on gauge, texture, fibre, etc. See https://yarnsub.com and enjoy! ...

168 18

thetwistedyarn

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Aug 31

Open
New blog post at thetwistedyarn.com,  or see link in bio!

New blog post at thetwistedyarn.com, or see link in bio! ...

165 0

thetwistedyarn

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Jul 18

Open
There's a new blog post at thetwistedyarn.com! Link in bio. Hope you enjoy...
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#knittersofinsta #nevernotknitting #knittersofinstagram #dragonflies #knitdesigner #stylecrafthighlandheathers #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #fairisleknitting #fairisle

There`s a new blog post at thetwistedyarn.com! Link in bio. Hope you enjoy...
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#knittersofinsta #nevernotknitting #knittersofinstagram #dragonflies #knitdesigner #stylecrafthighlandheathers #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #fairisleknitting #fairisle
...

366 4

thetwistedyarn

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Aug 10

Open
Knitting and walking, with a view. 🙂
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#knittingandwalking #knitinpublic #knittinginpublic #stylecrafthighlandheathers #stylecraftyarns #stylecraftblogstars #knittingblogger #knittingdesigner

Knitting and walking, with a view. 🙂
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#knittingandwalking #knitinpublic #knittinginpublic #stylecrafthighlandheathers #stylecraftyarns #stylecraftblogstars #knittingblogger #knittingdesigner
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254 7

thetwistedyarn

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Jan 31

Open
Crunching the numbers. Crunch, crunch, crunch...
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@novitaknits #knitdesigner #knitspo #knitspiration #nevernotknitting #knittingblogger #novita #novitaknits

Crunching the numbers. Crunch, crunch, crunch...
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@novitaknits #knitdesigner #knitspo #knitspiration #nevernotknitting #knittingblogger #novita #novitaknits
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103 3

thetwistedyarn

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Aug 3

Open
New blog post at thetwistedyarn.com (see link in bio). Includes happy times with fellow Stylecraft Blogstars.

New blog post at thetwistedyarn.com (see link in bio). Includes happy times with fellow Stylecraft Blogstars. ...

159 10

thetwistedyarn

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Jan 23

Open
My long-loved and dear friend @mary_megarry_number452 sent this card two years ago with many warm-hearted words inside. Little did either of us know that in addition to the knitting, the two black cats would also become a reality. Hope to see you soon, Mary. ❤ Artist is Dee Nickerson.

My long-loved and dear friend @mary_megarry_number452 sent this card two years ago with many warm-hearted words inside. Little did either of us know that in addition to the knitting, the two black cats would also become a reality. Hope to see you soon, Mary. ❤ Artist is Dee Nickerson. ...

333 4
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