And how’s a lass supposed to live her knitting life when “real life” (imagine me doing that exaggerated quotation marks thingy in the air with my fingers whilst pulling a disdainful face as I say those two words) keeps barging in and demanding attention? Forsooth, anyone would think that I had to work for a living and parent my children and put the bins out and even haul my idle rear out of this chair in order to chuck another log on the fire. Oh, wait…
(May I just say at this point that I love the fact that my spellcheck is comfortable with ‘forsooth’? That’s my kind of spellcheck. It also tolerates ‘thingy’. I can see that me and this spellcheck are going to be firm friends. Unlike me and my satnav, who have fallen out after it attempted to persuade me to beat a traffic jam by directing me to come off the motorway at a junction, whizz round the roundabout and then sneak straight back on to the same motorway in order to overtake all of about ten cars: as a result of this arseholery, we’re no longer on speaking terms. Oh… the spellcheck doesn’t condone ‘arseholery’: I know how it feels.)
But life throws things at you and expects you to catch them, which is a pity because I’ve always been thoroughly rubbish at ball games. And those things that life hurls your way sometimes interfere with knitting.
For example, we’ve had a couple of birthdays around here. A couple of very small, twin-shaped birthdays. I did a lot of chocolaty baking. And blew up a lot of balloons. And cleared up a lot of brutally shredded wrapping paper after the ferociously feral frenzy of gift-opening that occurred. The Tyrannical Twinnage requested little guitars for their birthday, in order to be just like their guitar-strumming father. A wise friend advised that ukuleles make perfect children’s ‘guitars’. So my parents, the Twisted Seniors, gave the boys ukes. A good idea, no?
Thus far, the boys strum with more attention to rhythm than to tune, but even George Formby had to begin somewhere.
Speaking of George Formby, my Dad made the mistake of mentioning him in front of the Stoic Spouse. Really Dad, you should have known better. So now, the walls of our old brewery home (and possibly the walls of the neighbours’ homes too) are reverberating to the chords of ‘When I’m Cleaning Windows’, and I’m joining in with my best singing voice. The poor twinnage scarcely get a look-in with their ukuleles.
But this birthday was the first one that the twinnage really anticipated and understood and enjoyed. And I’ve almost finished removing all the balloons from the ceiling. (You know that thing where you rub balloons on your hair/clothes and then they stick to the ceiling via static electricity? My Dad does that. A lot. Invite him to your party and you’ll be removing balloons from the ceiling all flippin’ night. You have been warned.)
My Mum, meanwhile, had a go with the giant knitting needles that I bought at the Knitting And Stitching Show. Look! She’s not entirely converted.
…But I feel a hearth rug coming on, when present projects are finished.
So I’d better get on with those present projects, which include crocheting the vegetable garden and writing up the house bag pattern for you. More muchly soon, my friends.
(Oh, the spellcheck dislikes ‘muchly’.)
wightstitches says
October 12, 2015 at 10:04 pmLove that you posted this late in the day, needed a smile after hours of frenetic knitting.. (you and I know it isn’t ALWAYS a relaxing activity..lol ) … remember my eldest ‘taking up’ the clarinet, pretty sure he caused my tinnitus bless him. 😀
The Twisted Yarn says
October 13, 2015 at 10:51 amHmm…. Maybe giving small children musical instruments wasn’t such a clever idea… See you at the tinnitus clinic in a few years’ time…
thecontentedcrafter says
October 13, 2015 at 12:08 amLove the giant needles – if nothing else it will trim up the underarm flab!!
My youngest had a brief fling with the clarinet. She nagged for months to be allowed one, said her life would be ruined if not etc. Not wishing to be responsible for my ten year olds nervous breakdown and lifelong trauma I gave in…….. After approx. her fifth lesson she told me her teacher had said she was so good she no longer needed to practise. That was pretty much the end of her musical education!!
Happy Birthday to the twinnage and whole family – I always think the mother should receive a gift on the occasion of each child’s anniversary – acknowledgement for having survived the year. 🙂
The Twisted Yarn says
October 13, 2015 at 10:53 amOh dear (re the brief clarinet flirtation). But if you hadn’t given in, you would never have heard the end of it.
And I like your theory about children’s birthdays. It’s the anniversary of having given birth – I deserve a stiff drink, at the very least!
arlingwoman says
October 13, 2015 at 1:25 amThose giant knitting needles look more like spears. In fact, they might effectively spear wayward balloons. Mother Twisted is a regular trooper to do anything other than threaten people with them. Who tune the ukes, by the way?
The Twisted Yarn says
October 13, 2015 at 10:55 amThe Stoic tunes the ukes, as he’s used to tuning his guitar. I believe he has an app. (Is there any function or skill that can’t be replaced by an app, these days?
The needles do look very much like spears. After buying them, I felt a little more confident striding through a gloomy secluded wooded area towards my car. I mean, would you attack anyone carrying those things?
arlingwoman says
October 13, 2015 at 1:03 pmI just bought a marvelous thing called a snark that attaches to your guitar, uke, violin or mandolin up at the pegs and flashes green when you hit the note right on. It’s soooo much easier…
Lindsey says
October 13, 2015 at 4:36 amThe headless, legless strummer is wearing a great sweater. Did you make it?
The Twisted Yarn says
October 13, 2015 at 10:57 amI’m ashamed to say that I did not. I’ve largely given up knitting clothes for the twinnage because they spend so much time in the washing machine that they always end up felting and shrinking. I should probably start again, though.
Shelagh says
October 13, 2015 at 6:09 amUgh, satnavs 🙁 I got so mad with the ‘arseholery’ mine inflicted on me, I threw it out of the car window. I regretted it later – I really should have found a bin.
The Twisted Yarn says
October 13, 2015 at 10:58 am*laughs*
They do have personalities, you know, mostly maladaptive ones that want to ruin your day/life.
dragontearsoflove says
October 13, 2015 at 6:14 amLove the Ukes…made my boyfriend sit through the George Formby video, and I loved the photo of Mum using the boat oars you managed to turn into knitting needles…and you cleaned the windows?!!! How do you find the time?
The Twisted Yarn says
October 13, 2015 at 11:00 amNope, I haven’t cleaned any windows. That was just a Formby song. Our windows are shamefully filthy. Really embarrassingly, shamefully filthy. Sigh.
dragontearsoflove says
October 16, 2015 at 6:46 amWe’ll forgive you. I won’t count the years since I’ve been troubled to clean a window…there has to be an easier, less boring way…like a tie-dye cleaning solution sprayer that changes color as you rinse it off, but does the work like scrubbing bubbles do.
Crochet Club says
October 13, 2015 at 6:37 amHappy birthday! Sounds like a fun party, and what a great gift!
The Twisted Yarn says
October 13, 2015 at 11:00 amThank you on their behalf!
Rebecca Dodgson says
October 13, 2015 at 6:40 amJust as well there is a lot of wool in your house to rub balloons on because – dare I say – there ain’t a lot of hair. At least on the male line.
The Twisted Yarn says
October 13, 2015 at 11:00 amHa ha, I can’t really argue with that, although I do have enough hair to make up for everyone else. And even the twinnage are getting quite fluffy these days.
nanacathy2 says
October 13, 2015 at 7:04 amHow I miss children’s birthday parties, NOT!
Wait till your satnav starts freezing at highly inappropriate moments and you shoot past your turning and have to drive round and round a one way system!!
The Twisted Yarn says
October 13, 2015 at 11:01 amDon’t give it ideas, please! Mostly it just takes a few minutes to figure out where it is when I start it up, so I have to drive round (and round) until it decides where we’re going.
Noémie says
October 13, 2015 at 9:05 amFor a sec I thought you had stopped knitting to clean your windows, I thought you were mad but I’m relieved now 😀 my son had a thing with that song and was playing it all day for months, it’s a real ear worm! Thanks to you it’s back in loop in my head now, for the foreseeable future 😉
The Twisted Yarn says
October 13, 2015 at 11:03 amEek, I am so so sorry. That is possibly the worst earworm to have given anyone. You’d be well within your rights to sue me for millions of pounds. Not that I have millions of pounds, but it would distract you from George Formby.
And no, I definitely DEFINITELY have not been cleaning any windows.
jules says
October 13, 2015 at 11:51 amMy sister has threatened to send a recorder shaped parcel this way for Christmas! Not sure how to avoid this one. Get them busking?
Dramatic Lyric says
October 13, 2015 at 3:18 pmI love the grandiose and home-made words you use 🙂 Thanks for the smile this morning.
wendelika says
October 13, 2015 at 3:49 pmI can completely relate to this. I am having to juggle Etsy orders, 5 children still at home and my blog. At present, my blog seems to be getting the short end of the stick.
Glad to hear that you’re hanging in there! I enjoy reading your posts, even though I don’t always take the time to comment.
Here’s to hoping that we both get some knitting time in today. 🙂
slippedstitches says
October 13, 2015 at 3:50 pmLoved this post. Sounds like everyone had a super great time. And that’s what it is really all about.
narf77 says
October 13, 2015 at 6:08 pmMy spellcheck was a Nazi Storm trooper in a past life. Despite me taking the (enormous amount of, for a Luddite) time to ensure that I ticked “Australian English”, it insists on inserting the letter “z” for anything with an “s” in it and completely refusing, point blank, to accept the word chook into its vernacular. You seriously do want the twins to form their own death metal band don’t you. I am guessing that every day in the old brewery resembles a chapter of “Through the looking glass” but that photo of your mum with the giant needles is making me question the contents of this mornings 3am tea bags. We both have our projects that are starting to take on that quality of urgency that necessitates booze. I need to get my act together and finish a fellow classmates custom doll of one of the characters in his idea for an anime series. I am hoping that one day this doll will be used as some kind of prop or advertising for this multi-national syndicated series and fame will rush at me like a bull at a red rag. Most likely the doll will just languish on some shelf till it moves to a box and then straight to the thrift shop BUT you just never know where crochet will end up next and it might just be ripe for the next great crochet phase of 2037. Get hooking Ms Twisted, we haven’t got much time to amass our fortunes worth of crochet prior to the rush.
Carol says
October 14, 2015 at 8:05 amI see your spellcheck doesn’t know the difference between give and live! No matter, the music you should be listening to is “The Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain” they’re truly amazing.
Cricket Fox says
October 16, 2015 at 12:34 amWhat a great day. Will Mom try the giant needles again?