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Trying Hard Not To Get Shot

April 10, 2016 by The Twisted Yarn 27 Comments

I hate getting caught in the middle of a shoot-out when I’m half-way through my run. (Or, indeed, at pretty much any stage of my run.)

Hang on, just let me do a bit more work on the giant crochet house/garden project (that REALLY is nearly finished). Gotta steady my nerves. Is it me, or do these attempts at daisies on the lawn resemble fried eggs? Sigh. Back to the drawing board.
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We live in the countryside, so like it or not, people shoot things and then eat them. (Sometimes they even cook them first.) It’s not at all uncommon to hear shots or to see spent cartridges lying in the mud. So as I ran the other morning, I didn’t pay much attention to the noise of a gun going off to my left, even though the sound was quite close. But meh, I was fine, right up until I started hearing shots close by to my right as well. Hmm, that wasn’t good.
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And at the same moment that I heard another shot, what I think was a partridge scuttled across the path not far ahead, then disappeared into the hedge. No I didn’t catch a photo, but here are some partridge loitering outside my parents’ house in the snow at Christmas a few years ago:-

OK, I didn't catch a pic of the partridge, so here are some partridge I photographed a few years ago in the snow on Christmas day at my parents' door. I failed in my efforts to persuade them to pose in a pear tree.
I tried and failed to persuade them to pose in a pear tree.

Back to the bird in hand (whose worth presumably halved as it dived into the bush). I’m not sure whether the partridge knew that it was theoretically safe because open season for most game birds is over by late spring. But you can’t blame it for not taking chances. And maybe whoever was firing those guns (neither of whom I could see) didn’t care about the law anyway, and just fancied a really tasty dinner. Whilst I did feel sorry for the partridge (which is hypocritical because I do eat meat), I was also increasingly not enjoying being near the thing that people were possibly trying to kill.

Being cursed with both an anxious disposition and a very active imagination (two traits that I suspect cruelly co-occur for quite a lot of folks), I began to worry about whether I’d get peppered with lead-shot by mistake. Not that I look much like a partridge, especially when I’m wearing fluorescent snot-coloured lycra running gear, but not being an especially competent athlete, my scurrying scamper could, at speed, perhaps be mistaken for the gait of a partridge. I slowed down as I got close to where I’d seen the bird.

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Maybe I should have turned round and gone back the way I’d come, rather than risking crossing the poor partridge’s path, but that would have meant running a very long way, and I’m cursed with an anxious disposition, a wild imagination, AND LAZINESS. So I carried on.

I passed the exact point where I’d last seen the bird, and managed not to get shot. Well that was a plus.

But what if the two shooters were actually sworn enemies, taking a pop at each other from either side of my path? I slowed down, not wanting to confuse these still-invisible adversaries.

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And then, the most worrying thought of all… What if – and you’ll have to bear with me whilst I explain a little – they were such experienced marksmen that they’d started going deaf from all those years of noisy guns (although such experience would also have made them terrifyingly skilled shots)? So when the organizer-person-thingy had said to them that morning, “Go shoot some pheasant,” what they’d mistakenly heard was, “Go shoot some peasants,” in which case I was doomed, not having a single aristocratic bone in my body.

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I speeded up again. All that high-viz clothing made me rather an obvious target. Camouflage would only have been an option if I’d been running through either (i) a tulip field, or (ii) a children’s soft-play area. So all I could do was try to run in a very fast and very non-peasanty way. I’m not sure I really succeeded at either of those, but I managed to get home unscathed… where I found a bunch of red kites circling in the sky above our driveway, sensing my exhaustion and clearly anticipating imminent carrion after all this carry-on.

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“Pick on someone your own size,” I growled at them, which to be fair was pretty much what they were doing, because I’m not very tall and those birds’ wingspan is BIG.

But at least I was home. And I realized that I’m cursed with anxiety, an overactive imagination, laziness, AND STUPIDITY.

And hey, at least I didn’t get shot.

As far as I know, the partridge lived to waddle another day.

Filed Under: Outdoors Tagged With: crochet, knitting, open season, Oxfordshire, partridge, pheasant, running, shooting

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Comments

  1. 2boys1homestead says

    April 10, 2016 at 11:37 pm

    I just had an out of body experience reading this. Granted, I don’t run, but it was like I was reading a post about myself.

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      April 14, 2016 at 7:33 pm

      Oops. Hope you’re not too traumatised. Running is rubbish: I don’t recommend it. It hurts. Don’t believe anyone who tells you otherwise.

      Reply
      • 2boys1homestead says

        April 14, 2016 at 7:57 pm

        Haha, I’ve never had the gun thing happened, but all the thoughts you had are just like me, especially the ones way out in left field.
        Also, don’t worry, I won’t try running.

        Reply
      • The Twisted Yarn says

        April 14, 2016 at 8:33 pm

        Good. Wise decision. It’s a dangerous world out there for those of us with over-active imaginations.

        Reply
  2. Fuguestateknits says

    April 10, 2016 at 11:37 pm

    Freaking MORONS! What in blazes did they think they were doing?

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      April 14, 2016 at 7:38 pm

      Sadly, I have no idea. Sigh.

      Reply
  3. arlingwoman says

    April 11, 2016 at 12:08 am

    Oh you had me laughing. Yes, anxiety and imagination. Ugh. And those partridges are way too cute to eat.

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      April 14, 2016 at 7:48 pm

      Glad to raise a smile. And I promise you, we did not eat those partridges.

      Reply
  4. Allison says

    April 11, 2016 at 2:26 am

    Anxiety, check, imagination, check… I can’t imagine hearing shots while out running! I probably would have lost my head and broken the four-minute mile. And we do have open land just over the hill where people go to shoot geese. Yikes!

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      April 14, 2016 at 7:50 pm

      Breaking the four-minute mile? Well at least you’re not cursed with laziness, then. (People shoot geese? Isn’t that a bit… easy? Also not very pleasant for the geese, obviously.)

      Reply
  5. jules says

    April 11, 2016 at 5:58 am

    Thank goodness all I’m thinking about whilst running is what to cook for dinner. I’m not enough ‘countryside’ to have to worry about being shot. Too many tourists would get caught in the crossfire anyway. X

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      April 14, 2016 at 8:03 pm

      Long may your running be safe and gunshot-free. 🙂

      Reply
  6. Sarah, Hampshire, UK says

    April 11, 2016 at 6:38 am

    It is very unnerving when you’re out in the glorious quiet countryside and you get rocketed out of your own little world by the sound of a gun going off! We’ve had it when we’ve been walking and yes there’s wildlife getting out of the way and yes we humans just follow the footpath regardless fingers firmly crossed that we’re not in the line of fire!!
    Glad you got home unscathed Phil and hopefully your future runs will be more peaceful.

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      April 14, 2016 at 8:30 pm

      Yikes, sorry you’ve had a similar experience. And yes, it certainly is unnerving.

      Reply
  7. Helen says

    April 11, 2016 at 9:31 am

    Wow, I never realised that it was such a common occurrence. Typical naive city-type that I am! Glad you’re okay and you got some amazing photos to boot. Fingers crossed for the waddling partridge!

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      April 14, 2016 at 8:37 pm

      I like to think that the partridge lived to waddle another day. I hope so…

      Reply
  8. Kris says

    April 11, 2016 at 11:04 am

    “Go shoot some peasants”. Sorry, I am very sure this was a scary moment but I did have a good laugh-out-loud moment to start my day. Be careful out there!

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      April 14, 2016 at 8:44 pm

      Glad to be of service in providing a laugh. 🙂

      Reply
  9. narf7 says

    April 11, 2016 at 7:40 pm

    I see your conundrum. I too share an anxious disposition and an active imagination. At the first sound of gunshot I would be transported to the deep south and the next logical sound I would hear would be that of a lone banjo. I think if I was jogging along sedately at this time, I would promptly decide to learn to sprint…STAT! I just read a bit further. You took the logical progression. Good girl. You lived to trot another day (as did the partridge by the sound of it). I think I am writing this blog post in comment form, retrospectively. I think I will stop while I am ahead. Glad you didn’t get shot. That would have meant I would only have 334 blogs in my RSS Feed Reader, an altogether unsavoury number in my opinion. Cheers for staying alive.

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      April 14, 2016 at 8:57 pm

      Ah, but I see from your Facebook feed that you’ve just added an extra blog to your reader, so I’m now redundant and will not cause you the displeasure of 334 if I’m shot. (I may have to seek out this additional blogger and assassinate her, even if she does make lovely vegan quiche.)

      Reply
  10. leelah saachi says

    April 12, 2016 at 11:12 am

    “all I could do was try to run in a very fast and very non-peasanty way. ” That floored me. And that you point out that disposition..I will add stubbornness to my variety – believing this is mINE alone and I am so so special and poor me because of it.
    Ah. Busted . Thanks. And for those photos too with that bkue blue skay in those blue blue puddles. Pure joy

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      April 14, 2016 at 8:58 pm

      Nowt wrong with a bit of stubbornness. 🙂
      And thank you for your lovely comment.

      Reply
  11. Heather says

    April 14, 2016 at 3:52 pm

    I admit. I laughed. Despite the situation. Glad you’re safe. I grew up in the country and had a close call involving hiding behind a giant tractor wheel. But those were deer hunters. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
    Heather

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      April 14, 2016 at 9:00 pm

      Yikes, that sounds far more alarming than my mere brush with partridge-hunters!
      (But you laughed? I am deeply offended!)

      Reply
      • Heather says

        April 20, 2016 at 3:04 pm

        I laughed at your pleasing storytelling. But certainly not the subject. Very glad you are ok. ; )

        Reply
  12. wendelika says

    April 20, 2016 at 11:53 pm

    Congratulations on not getting shot! Well done. 🙂 I’m afraid my own lazy tendencies might have convinced me to give up trotting altogether as being much too dangerous.

    Reply
  13. Yolanda Chavez says

    April 21, 2016 at 6:06 pm

    I usually only have to worry about pitbulls chasing me. I don’t think I want to add gun shots to the mix! Great story. Glad you made it!

    Reply

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Feb 25

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When life imitates "art". Note the little crocheted kitten beside the pond, paws stretched out, just like the real thing. I had no idea when I crocheted/knitted this chair cover that I'd one day be a kitten-slave for real. #blackcatsrule

When life imitates "art". Note the little crocheted kitten beside the pond, paws stretched out, just like the real thing. I had no idea when I crocheted/knitted this chair cover that I`d one day be a kitten-slave for real. #blackcatsrule ...

289 9

thetwistedyarn

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Oct 31

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There's a new blog post in town. See link in bio or explore thetwistedyarn.com.

There`s a new blog post in town. See link in bio or explore thetwistedyarn.com. ...

157 5

thetwistedyarn

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Oct 26

Open
This is going to sound like a paid advert, but I swear that it's not. I've just stumbled across a website called @YarnSub and it's awesome! You can enter the name of any yarn and it'll give you the best possible substitutions with a % match score based on gauge, texture, fibre, etc. See https://yarnsub.com and enjoy!

This is going to sound like a paid advert, but I swear that it`s not. I`ve just stumbled across a website called @YarnSub and it`s awesome! You can enter the name of any yarn and it`ll give you the best possible substitutions with a % match score based on gauge, texture, fibre, etc. See https://yarnsub.com and enjoy! ...

168 18

thetwistedyarn

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Sep 11

Open
New blog post at thetwistedyarn.com (or see link in bio). 🙂

New blog post at thetwistedyarn.com (or see link in bio). 🙂 ...

152 5

thetwistedyarn

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May 2

Open
I finished designing a thing. @novitaknits yarns are lush. 🙂
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#strandedcolourwork #strandedknitting #strandedcolorwork #fairisletechniques #fairislefriday #fairisledesign #knitdesigner #knittingdesigner #nevernotknitting #novitaknits #novita #garn #strikkedilla #strikke #virkning #knitspo #knitspiration

I finished designing a thing. @novitaknits yarns are lush. 🙂
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#strandedcolourwork #strandedknitting #strandedcolorwork #fairisletechniques #fairislefriday #fairisledesign #knitdesigner #knittingdesigner #nevernotknitting #novitaknits #novita #garn #strikkedilla #strikke #virkning #knitspo #knitspiration
...

352 48

thetwistedyarn

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Dec 25

Open
Merry Christmas, people! May the coming year be filled with your favourite yarn.

Merry Christmas, people! May the coming year be filled with your favourite yarn. ...

224 8

thetwistedyarn

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Mar 7

Open
Public service broadcast by @thetwistedyarn! Steeks aren't scary.
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#steeking #steek #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #garn #strikkedilla #strikke #virkning #Fairisle #fairisletechniques #fairisleknitting #knitspo #knitspiration #nevernotknitting #knittingblogger #knittingblog #knitdesigner #fairislefriday

Public service broadcast by @thetwistedyarn! Steeks aren`t scary.
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#steeking #steek #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #garn #strikkedilla #strikke #virkning #Fairisle #fairisletechniques #fairisleknitting #knitspo #knitspiration #nevernotknitting #knittingblogger #knittingblog #knitdesigner #fairislefriday
...

344 31

thetwistedyarn

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Dec 14

Open
There's a new blog post at thetwistedyarn.com (or see link in bio). Just sayin'.

There`s a new blog post at thetwistedyarn.com (or see link in bio). Just sayin`. ...

162 3

thetwistedyarn

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Aug 24

Open
Have yarn, will travel. Today I peeled the twinnage off their screen and took them to the Cotswold Falconry Centre. They LOVE birds of prey, so this was always going to be a win. Fab day had by all. 
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@cotswoldfalconry #cotswoldfalconrycentre #knittinginpublic #knitinpublic #nevernotknitting #stylecrafthighlandheathers #knittingandwalking #cotswolds #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #fairisleknitting #fairisle

Have yarn, will travel. Today I peeled the twinnage off their screen and took them to the Cotswold Falconry Centre. They LOVE birds of prey, so this was always going to be a win. Fab day had by all.
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@cotswoldfalconry #cotswoldfalconrycentre #knittinginpublic #knitinpublic #nevernotknitting #stylecrafthighlandheathers #knittingandwalking #cotswolds #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #fairisleknitting #fairisle
...

466 13

thetwistedyarn

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Nov 25

Open
There are SO MANY swatches needing knitting for the book. I reckon I can show you this one in progress, because only the reverse will be visible in the finished shot.
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#garn #strikke #strikkedilla #rowanfeltedtweed #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #fairisleknitting #fairislefriday #fairisle #knitdesigner #knittingdesigner #virkningsprojekt #virkning #nevernotknitting #knittingblogger #knitspo #knitspiration

There are SO MANY swatches needing knitting for the book. I reckon I can show you this one in progress, because only the reverse will be visible in the finished shot.
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#garn #strikke #strikkedilla #rowanfeltedtweed #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #fairisleknitting #fairislefriday #fairisle #knitdesigner #knittingdesigner #virkningsprojekt #virkning #nevernotknitting #knittingblogger #knitspo #knitspiration
...

662 15

thetwistedyarn

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Oct 20

Open
Progress. One end of a bolster. Yarn is Stylecraft Special DK.
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#knitdesigner #strandedcolourwork #fairisleknitting #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #nevernotknitting #fairisle @stylecraftyarns

Progress. One end of a bolster. Yarn is Stylecraft Special DK.
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#knitdesigner #strandedcolourwork #fairisleknitting #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #nevernotknitting #fairisle @stylecraftyarns
...

346 25

thetwistedyarn

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Nov 22

Open
Crunching numbers for a pattern for @stylecraftyarns . Crunch, crunch, crunch. I love-hate this stage. 
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#knitdesigner #stylecraftyarns #stylecraft #nevernotknitting #knittingpatterns #knittingpattern #yarn #garn #strikke #virkning #strikkedilla #knitspo #knitspiration #winterknitting

Crunching numbers for a pattern for @stylecraftyarns . Crunch, crunch, crunch. I love-hate this stage.
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#knitdesigner #stylecraftyarns #stylecraft #nevernotknitting #knittingpatterns #knittingpattern #yarn #garn #strikke #virkning #strikkedilla #knitspo #knitspiration #winterknitting
...

113 3

thetwistedyarn

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Nov 19

Open
Just got home from a really intense work-day down the psychology mines, only to discover these wonderful socks that the ever-awesome @buttonspickles knitted for me. They are very beautiful and very cosy, and the yarn is the colourway that I designed for Stylecraft, i.e. Head Over Heels in the shade 'Saltaire'. (I don't think Stylecraft sells it any more.) But these socks are just perfect and I love them and I'm feeling very grateful for my friends. ❤
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#stylecraft #stylecraftyarns #stylecraftheadoverheels #sockknittersofinstagram

Just got home from a really intense work-day down the psychology mines, only to discover these wonderful socks that the ever-awesome @buttonspickles knitted for me. They are very beautiful and very cosy, and the yarn is the colourway that I designed for Stylecraft, i.e. Head Over Heels in the shade `Saltaire`. (I don`t think Stylecraft sells it any more.) But these socks are just perfect and I love them and I`m feeling very grateful for my friends. ❤
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#stylecraft #stylecraftyarns #stylecraftheadoverheels #sockknittersofinstagram
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200 15

thetwistedyarn

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May 24

Open
A yoke is taking shape. Yarn by @novitaknits .
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#fairisleknitting #fairisle #fairisleknitting #jacquardknit #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #yoke #yokejumper #yokesweater #knittingtopdown

A yoke is taking shape. Yarn by @novitaknits .
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#fairisleknitting #fairisle #fairisleknitting #jacquardknit #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #yoke #yokejumper #yokesweater #knittingtopdown
...

122 4

thetwistedyarn

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Jul 21

Open
@novitaknits have done a fabulous job of photographing my cardigan design. ❤ I HIGHLY recommend following their beautiful Insta page. Pattern out very soon. 
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#strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #fairisletechniques #steek #steeking #howtosteek #fairislecardigan #fairisle #fairisleknitting

@novitaknits have done a fabulous job of photographing my cardigan design. ❤ I HIGHLY recommend following their beautiful Insta page. Pattern out very soon.
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#strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #fairisletechniques #steek #steeking #howtosteek #fairislecardigan #fairisle #fairisleknitting
...

285 12

thetwistedyarn

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May 3

Open
New blog post! See thetwistedyarn.com or link in bio. Warning: contains personal inadequacy and failure.

New blog post! See thetwistedyarn.com or link in bio. Warning: contains personal inadequacy and failure. ...

228 8

thetwistedyarn

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Apr 26

Open
Decent weather for a run. Yes I do occasionally put my knitting down. The colours of this view are a statement, too.
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#running #freedomforukraine

Decent weather for a run. Yes I do occasionally put my knitting down. The colours of this view are a statement, too.
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#running #freedomforukraine
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206 4

thetwistedyarn

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Oct 14

Open
There's a brand spanking new blog post at thetwistedyarn.com. Contains both veg-growing and yarnery. Link in bio.

There`s a brand spanking new blog post at thetwistedyarn.com. Contains both veg-growing and yarnery. Link in bio. ...

206 8

thetwistedyarn

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Aug 11

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New blog post at thetwistedyarn.com, or see link in bio. 1084-mile charity run DONE! (Hmm, not sure whether it's loading for you, but I'm only getting everything up to the previous post - 'Rollercoasting' - when I look. Strange...)
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@the_conqueror_challenges #running #charityrun

New blog post at thetwistedyarn.com, or see link in bio. 1084-mile charity run DONE! (Hmm, not sure whether it`s loading for you, but I`m only getting everything up to the previous post - `Rollercoasting` - when I look. Strange...)
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@the_conqueror_challenges #running #charityrun
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272 21

thetwistedyarn

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Jan 29

Open
There's a new blog post at thetwistedyarn.com, or see link in comments.

There`s a new blog post at thetwistedyarn.com, or see link in comments. ...

187 0

thetwistedyarn

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Jun 21

Open
The twinnage still like to stretch their creativity on 'the chair'. ❤ I'm worried that this chap is repairing the chimney whilst the fire is lit and smoke is emerging!

The twinnage still like to stretch their creativity on `the chair`. ❤ I`m worried that this chap is repairing the chimney whilst the fire is lit and smoke is emerging! ...

188 17

thetwistedyarn

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Jul 5

Open
New blog post at thetwistedyarn.com,  or see linky in comments..

New blog post at thetwistedyarn.com, or see linky in comments.. ...

114 1

thetwistedyarn

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Nov 21

Open
Reworking the 'Falling Leaves' cowl in yarn that still actually exists, and it's nearly done. Free pattern will be landing in a blog post near you within the next week or so.
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#strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #fairisleknitting #fairislefriday #fairisle #rowanfeltedtweed #strikkedilla #strikke #garn #virkning #virkningsprojekt

Reworking the `Falling Leaves` cowl in yarn that still actually exists, and it`s nearly done. Free pattern will be landing in a blog post near you within the next week or so.
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#strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #fairisleknitting #fairislefriday #fairisle #rowanfeltedtweed #strikkedilla #strikke #garn #virkning #virkningsprojekt
...

873 34

thetwistedyarn

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Jan 31

Open
Crunching the numbers. Crunch, crunch, crunch...
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@novitaknits #knitdesigner #knitspo #knitspiration #nevernotknitting #knittingblogger #novita #novitaknits

Crunching the numbers. Crunch, crunch, crunch...
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@novitaknits #knitdesigner #knitspo #knitspiration #nevernotknitting #knittingblogger #novita #novitaknits
...

103 3
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