Want A Free Pattern For Knitted Cherries?

(This may be the longest blog post ever. But I hope that it’ll make you laugh. Your patience will at the end will be rewarded with a free knitting pattern.)

You know when you get embroiled in an epic yarn war with someone, and you’re prepared to battle to the death – nay, further even than that – to achieve knitting victory?

No?

Nor did I until a couple of weeks ago.

I have a friend. Well, actually she’s a mortal enemy right now, to the extent that our two families are doomed to mutual loathing for generations to come, but until recently she was a friend. Let’s pretend she’s called Selma. And let’s pretend she blogs beautifully about knitting and crochet and sailing and cake and rural Oxfordshire life and her Norwegian heritage at eclectichomelife.blogspot.com.

You with me so far?

Anyway over a glass or two in the village pub, Selma and I got into one of those debates – as-yer-do – about working up a new design together for making cherries in yarn as part of a larger project, and whether it would be better for us to do so in knitting or crochet. And that’s when things went wrong. Very wrong. Maybe it was the strength of the rioja we were drinking, or maybe it was something in the air (pollen, probably – hay fever does tend to make me cantankerous), but suddenly the atmosphere changed. As our voices rose, conversation at the surrounding tables fell away. A dog that had been snoozing beside its owner’s feet opened one eye and pricked up its ears, sensing trouble. Behind the bar, the landlord narrowed his eyes.

“Crochet,” hissed Selma.

“Knitting,” quoth I, thumping my wine glass down so hard that a few drops of rioja sploshed onto the table. Selma and I paused to wipe up the spillage before continuing our argument.

“Crochet, you fool.”

“K-N-I-T-T-I-N-G.”

OK, you’ve probably grasped the gist of the argument by now. It continued in this vein for some time, the eyes of the pub flicking from one to the other of us like spectators at a tennis match. Who knows where it would have ended if the landlord, realizing that he had serious trouble on his hands, hadn’t escorted us from the premises?

So that, my fine fibrous friends, is how the two of us found ourselves outside with our yarn and our hooks and our needles, barred from the village pub for the rest of the evening, our dispute unresolved. The only solution, we realized, was for Selma to create a design in crochet and for me to create a design in knitting, and then we could see which was best.

Let me tell you that much as I love crochet, I had no intention of losing this challenge.

I began knitting up a simple seamless pattern using double-pointed needles, refining it with each new try. All went well. It exuded the very essence of cherry-ness. It practically smelled of cherries. Now, one of the challenges of this project that’s fermenting in our oddball imaginations is the fact that these cherries need to be tough and outdoorsy: filling them with toy stuffing wasn’t an option. (One day soon we’ll be able to show you why, but for now you’ll have to just trust me.)

But what on earth to use instead? Frankly, I was stumped. So I decided to go undercover and see how my adversary was solving the problem.

Selma lives in a picturesque old cottage in a rival village. And she likes to work outdoors. She has no idea that one afternoon last week, an intruder scrambled awkwardly over her garden fence, landing head-first amongst the hostas, swearing quietly before righting herself and peering through the leaves. I was in luck: Selma was sitting at the garden table working with a hook and some red yarn. Cherries! As she finished making each fruit, she reached into a bowl and picked up some small round object with which she filled the crochet. But I just couldn’t see what it was. All I knew was that I had to find out what was in that bowl. After a long time (maybe it wasn’t really that long, but time drags when you’re sitting on a thistle – Selma really should weed her garden more thoroughly), she stood up and went into the kitchen. I heard the sound of a kettle being filled. This was my chance! Like the hero of an action movie (in my imagination, at least), I burst out from amongst the hostas and raced across the lawn towards the table. OK, I probably shouldn’t actually have stolen the bowl, but by the time I was back in my hosta-hide, it was too late to replace it because the back door of the house was opening again.

So what was in the bowl? Look!

Marbles. I grudgingly concede that this was an inspired idea of hers. Still hidden in the hostas with the bowl of marbles, I saw Selma came back outside. She looked around the table, frowning, clearly noticing what was missing. Her frown deepened.

Yes my friends, it was true: Selma had lost her marbles∗.

Anyway back at home, I pondered. It wouldn’t do to steal her idea, would it? But what else could I use? What – other than an actual cherry – is perfectly cherry-sized and shaped, and is waterproof and tough?

Balls, I thought.

No, really. Balls. Children’s rubber bouncy balls:-

And the beauty of these things is that with a sharp knife, you can cut out a little piece top and bottom to make the indents on the fruit. Ha, I could smell victory. I almost felt guilty for stealing Selma’s marbles. Almost.

So, in the interim before the madcap final project is available, would you like the pattern for some perfect →knitted← cherries? Yes? Oh all right, then.

∗ Just had a horrible thought: what if losing one’s marbles isn’t a universally-understood metaphor? Apologies if this phrase is absent from your life and my weak joke has thus fallen flat.

 

Anyway, here ye’ go:-

Yarn

I made these cherries in Patons Cotton 4-ply in Red, but that’s just because I had most of a ball left over from a previous project. Ditto the green I used for the stalks: DMC Natura Just Cotton in Pistache. Assuming that you’re substituting in your own choice of yarn, know-ye that Patons Cotton 4-ply is billed as being good for 28 stitches per 10cm/4″ with 3.25mm needles.

You’ll also need…

• A set of 5 DPNs. I used 2.5mm needles because I wanted the stitches to be nice and small.
• Some 27mm bouncy balls, such as these.
• A craft knife.
• A lockable stitch marker, or a safety pin, or a tiny stitch holder.
• A not-too-thick, not-too-thin needle. Think very fine darning needle.

Abbreviations:-

• kfb – Increase 1 by knitting into the front and back of the stitch.
• kfbf – Go completely wild and increase 2 by knitting into the front, and back, and front of the stitch.
• k2tog – C’mon, you know this one. Knit 2 stitches together to decrease by 1.
• S1, k2tog, PSSO – Decrease 2 by slipping a stitch, knitting 2 together, then passing the slipped stitch over. (Or if you’re not in the mood for such shenanigans, you could just k3tog – I won’t tell.)

So let’s do this thing, yeah? Let’s knit ourselves some stonkingly splendid cherries.

1. Cast on 4.
2. kfbf every stitch, and distribute the resulting stitches between 4 needles as you go. (12)
3. Knit every stitch.
4. On each needle, kfb, k, kfb. (20)
5. On each needle, k2, kfb, k2. (24)
6. Knit every stitch.
7. On each needle, k3, kfb, k2. (28)
8. Knit every stitch.
9. Knit every stitch.
10. Knit every stitch.
11. On each needle, k3, k2tog, k2. (24)
12. Knit every stitch.
13. On each needle, k2, k2tog, k2. (20)
14. On each needle, k2tog, k, k2tog. (12)
15. Knit every stitch.
16. Insert bouncy ball from which you’ve cut a small portion at top and bottom.
17. On each needle, s1, k2tog, PSSO. (4)
18. Cut yarn, thread needle, and pass through all stitches. Pull tight.
19. Now you’ll understand why the needle needs to be as tough-but-fine as possible. Pass it down through the centre of the ball and out the other side, ideally in the middle of the opposite indent in the ball. And then pass it back the other way. And again, and again. Cut the yarn as close to the cherry as possible. There, you’ve got a beautiful cherry with perfect cherry dimples top and bottom. Don’t be surprised if some flakey bouncy ball detritus is now scattered on your trousers. Maybe consider wearing trousers with a bouncy ball – flake pattern on them to disguise the mess.

Make two cherries, then use green yarn to make the stem:-

The stem is worked as an i-cord, starting slightly thicker before splitting into 2 and attaching a pair of cherries.

1. Using 2 of your DPNs, cast on 4 stitches. Slide the stitches to the other end of the needle and, pulling the yarn tightly behind, knit another row of stitches starting with the first stitch you cast on. Repeat this a few times, until you’ve worked approximately half a centimetre. Then put the last 2 stitches you worked on something to hold them (the world’s smallest stitch holder, maybe, or – as I did – a locking stitch marker. You could also use a safety pin.)
2. Working with the first 2 stitches only, continue working an i-cord until it’s about 6cm long. Cast off and cut yarn.
3. Remove the other 2 stitches from their holder, rejoin yarn, and work another i-cord of the same length, trapping the yarn end inside the cord. Cast off and cut yarn.
4. Attach stem ends firmly to tops of cherries.
5. Rejoice in the wonderful superiority of your creation.

…And that’s it.