Well good morning, and welcome to April.
How much do you know about acrylic yarn? Personally, I know lots about wool, alpaca, cotton, and even qiviut, but other than a vague awareness that acrylic fibre has some connection to plastic, I’m a bit clueless… or at least, I was.
So for this blog post – and I warn you, it’s a long’un – I set out to learn more about the production of acrylic, to interview those involved, and to photograph the experience along the way. Want to come along for the ride? Let’s start from basics. You probably already know that acrylic fibre comes from the fleece of an animal called the acryla. But I bet you’ve never seen any acrylas. (There’s a reason for that, that I’ll explain in a bit.)
These odd creatures originated around American tar pits, where they evolved the ability to digest the bitumen-contaminated plants and creatures living there. Yuck! Wild acrylas have matted, sludge-coloured, fur, and their meat is said to taste about as revolting as you’d expect, so for a long time nobody took very much notice of their existence.
Fast forward to the invention of plastic in the early twentieth century which, as we all know, is derived from crude oil, so is not completely unrelated to acrylas’ natural diet. Some bright spark worked out that if you feed acrylas on a diet of pure plastic, their fleece grows soft and sleek and perfect for knitting. And it takes on the colours of that plastic, because the animal’s digestive system can’t break down the dye pigments. Thus, acrylic yarn was invented, and textile production changed forever.
Acryla farming remains a niche activity. I’m on chatting-in-the-pub terms with one of the farmers in our village, and when I asked her about raising acrylas, she laughed at me (even though she’s notorious for the fact that her cattle once escaped their field and chased two police officers down the High Street, but far be it from me to remind her of that).
“What’s wrong with acrylas?” I asked. She looked at me with the kind of expression you’d use on a three-year-old who wants to drive Mummy’s car. Then she explained, “I bet you think they’re all pink and cutesy like the photos on the internet, but they’ll only produce fleece like that if you micro-manage every flippin’ mouthful that they eat.”
“Oh.”
I had to buy her a drink before she’d tell me any more.
“You can’t just keep a few acrylas in your paddock for a hobby. For one thing, they only thrive in big herds – a hundred-head, minimum – and you’ll need serious security to stop them chewing their way to freedom. They’re related to pigs, remember, so they’re clever. And you don’t want them near public footpaths where people can toss random bits of plastic into their field.”
“Oh.”
I really did want to meet an acryla farmer though, and I eventually tracked down Dougal McPhee, who has a herd of 250. Dougal and I chatted by email. Until four years ago, he was an investment banker, working crazy hours in the City and driving a Lamborghini. But he wasn’t happy, and when a colleague turned up to work one Christmas Eve wearing a novelty festive jumper knitted in acrylic by his mum, a plan started forming in Dougal’s mind. Six months later, he left the bank.
These days, he lives on his 60-hectare farm in south Oxfordshire, and he long ago swapped his Lambo for a battered old Landie. He agrees to show me around early one morning. At last! I’m going to see some real acrylas!
He’s waiting for me at the gate of Bankside Farm when I arrive. And truth be told, he’s not quite what I’d imagined from his emails. Yeah he’s a tall man, and affable, but a harsh critic might say that he seems much older than his 26 years. He looks tired, and it turns out that he’s been up half the night, helping a young sow who’s struggling to suckle all ten of her newborns. “Ten?” I gasp. (Like their porcine relatives, acrylas have big litters.)
My first impression of the farm is that it’s pretty. There’s the old stone farmhouse with its sagging roofline, set neatly into the curve of a hill. There’s a view across the rolling Oxfordshire countryside. A border collie is barking homicidal intentions at me from inside the house. I can’t see any acrylas, though.
He picks up a bucket of Lego pieces (a 90% blue-10% yellow blend) and then we’re off along a muddy track.
It’s peaceful here as the noise of the border collie’s death threats fades, but what is that awful smell? I ask Dougal about it, and he barely has time to give me a condescending look before I realize that of course, that must be the smell of the acrylas. “Where do you think we get the word ‘acrid’ from?” he reminds me. I guess that’s one of the reasons why acryla farms tend to be in the middle of nowhere. No wonder that most of us never get to see (or smell) these places.
We reach the top of a hill, and at last I see them. Dozens and dozens – nay, hundreds – of animals scattered across several fields. There are pink acrylas, green acrylas, spotty acrylas, and acrylas with zebra-stripes in yellow and purple. Groups of brightly-coloured young cluster around their mothers, whilst old boars with fading pastel-coloured fur move slowly at the field’s edge. I can say with complete and utter honesty that I’ve never seen anything like it. Most of them are standing still, but when they move, they’re surprisingly speedy for such short-legged animals… especially when they see Dougal approaching with a bucket.
There’s a long trough beside the nearest fence, containing empty water bottles. Some of the acrylas are there eating already, making odd crunching-crackling sounds as they chew. Dougal sprinkles blue-yellow Lego in amongst the bottles, and suddenly there’s a bit of a scrum going on at the trough.
“Lego is the perfect dietary supplement,” he explains. “The animals love it, and it helps me to control the exact shades of their fleece.” He pulls out a yarn shade card from his jacket and stares from it, to his animals, frowning. Then he nods, and pours just a little more Lego into the trough. The noise as the snuffling beasts crunch through hard plastic is almost overwhelming.
“So would you ever go back to investment banking?” I ask him, and I’m surprised when he hesitates before responding. “Um, no,” he says at last. “No, I don’t think I would. But it’s not easy, acryla-farming, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. These animals look cute, but rearing them is a hard, hard, life. Want to meet them close up?”
“Er, OK,” I say. He swings himself over the fence and into the field. By the time I’ve followed suit, we are surrounded by a seething mass of squabbling knittables. They aren’t exactly unfriendly, these creatures, but I have the impression that they just want plastic and they’ll stop at nothing in their quest to get it. Apologies for the lack of photos from inside the field but my camera has plastic parts so I have to leave it outside the field.
Dougal is patting and gently scolding his animals, unworried by the fact that about fifty of them seem to be trying to climb him. “Want to hold one?” he asks, and picks up the most multicoloured beast of the lot. I nod, and we make our way slowly back to the edge of the field and over the fence. Then Dougal passes me Maisie, who will not keep still. This is the only passable photograph we manage to get of me holding her:-
After leaving the farm, I’m still wondering about how the acrylas’ fleece is turned into yarn. So I phone my contacts at Stylecraft (who happen to be the major buyer of Dougal’s fibre). Annabelle Hill (Sales and Marketing Director) agrees to answer my questions. I head up to Yorkshire on the train, and we have a chat over tea in the Stylecraft boardroom.
“We’re very fussy about the quality of our acryla fibre,” she says. “I do feel for farmers such as Dougal because he’s in a very tough business, but we have to be hard-nosed because we can’t risk letting our standards drop.” Her assistant wanders past, crocheting a sock whilst humming the William Tell Overture. “We work with farmers like Dougal because we know his animals only have access to quality plastics, with regular Lego supplements.”
Annabelle offers to show me around the floor of the mill where they process the acryla fibre. This was the one area I didn’t get to see on previous mill tours (such as here). “The best acryla fibre needs very little processing,” Annabelle explains.
The process does indeed seem very minimal, because the raw product arriving at the mill almost looks ready to be wound into a ball and cast on. Vast machines the width of the building rumble and rattle as they devour pinks, and yellows, and greens, and blues. It’s slightly mesmerising to watch.
Annabelle has to shout to be heard above the roar. “All this?” she says. “Last month, it was acryla fleece; by next month, it could be blankets, cardigans, stuffed animals, and scarves. Isn’t it wonderful to be a part of that process?”
And I have to agree that yes, it really, really, is.
With heartfelt thanks to Jo Ray, “”Dougal McPhee””, Annabelle Hill, Sophie Cromwell, Juliet Bernard, and everyone at Stylecraft for their enthusiastic and generous assistance with this post.
RUTH MCRAE says
Happy Easter and April Fool to you! Absolutely hilarious . Laughed all the way through.????????
The Twisted Yarn says
What?! You laughed at my terribly serious research? I am wounded! 😉
Carole says
I have some classic Lego to donate . . .
The Twisted Yarn says
Ooh, the classic stuff is EXCELLENT quality!
Donna May Thompson says
Well that was my morning entertainment reading the lovely ” yarn” you ” spun” us.
The Twisted Yarn says
Glad you enjoyed it!
Ingrid Vedder says
What a wonderful story!
The Twisted Yarn says
Thank you!
Grandma Flea says
All that hard work for our amusement! I’ve been smiling all day ;). Happy April 1!
The Twisted Yarn says
Glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
Sue says
I love it – but I’m a bit worried about Dougal’s plastic bucket . . .
The Twisted Yarn says
Eek! Plot hole! I hadn’t thought of that…
Thea says
Me too!
The Twisted Yarn says
I REALLY should have thought about that.
andreaclairekiwi says
Oh, this is hilarious! You have such an imagination!
The Twisted Yarn says
Glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
Liz Buxton says
LOL!
Liz B.
The Twisted Yarn says
🙂
Jacqueline says
Ha ha, very funny! I saw you and your wonderful chair on TV last week. It’s amazing.
The Twisted Yarn says
Aww, thank you!
Laura Bosworth says
It must be especially challenging raising single shade acrylas as they couldn’t possibly be fed mixed colour Lego. . . Were there other fields of single colour acrylas? What happens if, perish the thought, some get through the fence and “mingle”! Or is that where striped sock yarn cones from? No wonder poor Douglas looks a tiny bit older than 26!
The Twisted Yarn says
Eek, I hadn’t thought about the – ahem – mingling. Could lead to some interesting new shades…
craftilycreative says
Happy Easter and April fools Day to you too XXX
The Twisted Yarn says
🙂 😉
knitigatingcircumstances says
Fantastic! I love your dedication to research.
The Twisted Yarn says
Well it is a very important topic that deserves serious consideration.
Philippa Clarke says
This deserves a Panorama Special!
The Twisted Yarn says
Like the spaghetti tree?
Liz Clarke says
The same thought entered my mind ????????
Ella says
Fabulous! All that traveliing and research you did for us, thank you so much! Please tell Dougal we have tons of Lego up for grabs that my brother won’t play with anymore, I’ll gladly send it over.
The Twisted Yarn says
Thank you! He’s running a bit low on reds, if you’ve got any spare…
Joanne says
I will have much more respect for my stash now! Although I have to say, Dougal looks strangely familiar…..
The Twisted Yarn says
Maybe you met him when you were both working in investment banking?
Chris Scholes says
Absolutely wonderful. I giggled all the way through it.
The Twisted Yarn says
Glad you enjoyed it!
Alice says
What a fascinating post! I had no idea that acrylas were bred here in Oxfordshire. How kind of Dougal to show you his herd. 🙂
The Twisted Yarn says
Yes it’s amazing that you’ve never noticed them around here.
Alice says
I have often wondered what the smell was – now I know!
Rainbow Junkie says
And when I read the title, I thought it was going to be true! Happy Easter and April Fool’s day, clever and amusing!!
The Twisted Yarn says
Happy (rainbow-coloured) Easter to you, too!
Tinke says
Thanks for the laugh, even youngest came to see why mom was roaring of laughter.They will become rare as the plastics will disappear. We’ve to cherish McPhee and his flock. xxx
The Twisted Yarn says
Apologies for disturbing your family. But I’m glad you liked the post.
Jill says
Excellent, thanks for enlightening us all ????????????
The Twisted Yarn says
You’re welcome!
Keep Calm and Crochet On UK says
So fun! Love it 😀
The Twisted Yarn says
Glad you enjoyed it!
Liz says
Love it – a masterpiece! Bravo to all concerned ????
The Twisted Yarn says
Thank you. I am extremely grateful to some very helpful friends.
soozjewels says
Oh wow, this whole subject is fascinating. There’s a flock of organic acrylas in Ireland. They’re fed only on waste plastic collected from the sea. Still very smelly. Due to the mixed diet, there’s only one colour (a bit like that shade of muddy grey/brown plasticine ends up) but great for the environment! I’ve urged my local yarn shop to get some in.
The Twisted Yarn says
Oh wow! I had no idea that there was such variation in the species! You must indeed get hold of some, pronto!
Debbie Smetherham says
Bravo, I love your humour ????
The Twisted Yarn says
Thank you.
Julie Bailey says
This rivals the spaghetti tree..
Julie
The Twisted Yarn says
But the spaghetti tree was utter genius.
Winwick Mum says
I loved this! Great fun! 🙂 xx
The Twisted Yarn says
Glad to be of service! (It was fun to write.)
Connie Burr says
What a crazy, funny, clever girl you are!
Wish it was April 1 more often! ????
The Twisted Yarn says
Believe me, I can be silly on other days, too. (But thank you for your kind words.)
captelaine says
Learn something new every day ha ha ha ha ha
The Twisted Yarn says
Glad to be of educational service!
kathieegriffiths says
Happy Easter and happy April Fools day! Thanks for the laugh xx
The Twisted Yarn says
To you, too!
Christina says
Wonderful but my horse trainer must have known about this years ago when we were given virgin acrylic blankets as show trophies and he mourned the little virgin acrylics running around without their fleece on a cold day. (Not a joke. The truth. )
The Twisted Yarn says
Ha, I love this!
Penny Tuck says
Haha! Excellent research and wonderfully put into layman’s terms for my simple mind. I’m wondering if it wasn’t a wild herd of acrylas that i observed near the landfill a couple months ago. They weren’t looking as fluffy as Dougal’s family but they did have a very distinct smell. Haha!
The Twisted Yarn says
Yup, if the smell was revolting then they probably were acrylas.
Lindsey says
Ah, the Stoic Spouse makes an appearance. You must amuse him on a daily basis. Good Apri 1 post!
The Twisted Yarn says
Actually he’s a friend. The Stoic Spouse is camera-shy!
Nicola says
When I saw the title, I thought it was going to be a serious post. Even maybe a slightly judgy one about using acrylic. Then I was delighted to see it was a humorous April Fool, and I laughed out loud at the farmer holding the shade card. Best bit!!!
The Twisted Yarn says
Nope, no snobbery here! Glad you enjoyed the post.
Ms Sue says
HAAA !! I loved your reporting. It definitely makes me appreciate my acrylic yarn so much more. An entirely new perspective. Happy Easter!
The Twisted Yarn says
Happy Easter to you too! I’m glad you enjoyed my terribly serious and earnest reporting. ????
Lrka says
Absolutely hilarious. That you took the time to research and write this post just for us is amazing. But then, you are amazing. So much talent. Thanks to you and the cast for this!
The Twisted Yarn says
Gosh, thank you for such kind words. ????
Gail says
Loved your story. You holding one of the animals – too funny.????????
The Twisted Yarn says
Thank you! (It was fun to write, too.)
Bridget Danby says
Very funny story and vivid imagination! However, I did think at first that it was going to be an article about the true provenance of acrylic yarn which is a very serious subject!! We ought to be using far less of it because it is made from plastic! Acrylic fibres that get shed in the wash end up in the water system, rivers, sea etc! I know this was supposed to be a joke but it highlights a real problem!! It is amazing that Stylecraft went along with it!
The Twisted Yarn says
Glad you enjoyed this. And yes, I realize that there are serious issues about the resources that we use, including in yarn.
Ann M. says
OMG! This is worth all the time and effort that you, and associates, have put into it. The absolute best April first story ever! Thanks!
And, I do want that acrylic beastie you were holding.
The Twisted Yarn says
Thank you for such generous words! I’m lucky to have such helpful friends. This whole post has been great fun to create. (And the acryla – made by my friend Jo – is very cuddly.)
Sarah Dawn says
Oh, Wonderful! And very colourful! ????
The Twisted Yarn says
Thanks!
sisterjoyous says
Hah! You rock :0)
The Twisted Yarn says
Not as much as all of you here, getting into the spirit of the thing!
Judy Comfort says
This was a wonderful post. My husband and I really had fun with it. Thank you. BTW, I hate acrylic yarn but those little acryla are darling!
The Twisted Yarn says
Glad to be of service!
if only I could read faster says
Absolutely fascinating article. Perhaps you should write a book about the life cycle of the acryla, I would happily review it for you.
The Twisted Yarn says
That would be so much fun. (Someone suggested a children’s book.) And it’d be a huge honour to be reviewed by you.
Georgia Green says
Your brilliant and groundbreaking depiction of the Acryla in its now quasi-natural adopted habitat has come to the *very* favorable attention of the Quadricentennial Prize Committee of the Journal of Irreproducible Results: Anthropomorphism Working (Sub-)Group!
(In confidence, if you add a bit about the related — and nearly extinct — Nauga, long raised for its spectacular “hyde” … Well, the prize is yours!)
Happy April 1st Easter 2018 from gkgreen designs!
The Twisted Yarn says
Whoop, whoop! I am honoured! I would like to thank…
Jaye Jacques says
Excellent piece of investigative journalism. I have wondered how the shades were controlled..I suppose if the jumbo Lego is used that would produce bulky weight, but seeing the little darlings are so small that would be a heavy weight for them to lug around.
Thanks for your hard work, how did you ever find the time with a small herd of your own to take care of.
The Twisted Yarn says
Ah, that’s an interesting thought. I hadn’t considered the issue of different yarn weights. You’re probably right – I’ll ask Dougal.
As for the time taken to prepare this post, it’s taken months, with the assistance of some extremely generous friends. (My friend Jo made Maisie the acryla.) And what you can’t see in the photos is my children/husband and Jo’s children, messing about in the mud!
arlingwoman says
I love the shade card and the Lego supplements. I’ve been laughing over this and that little wriggly acryla you got to hold.
The Twisted Yarn says
Thank you!
Margaret (Daisy) Lerner says
oh, Maisie is so adorable! she looks soft and colorful and cuddly!
happy april 1st to you too, BooBoo!
daisy 🙂
The Twisted Yarn says
She is indeed adorable, and she was made by my lovely friend Jo. 🙂
nanacathy2 says
Priceless! Love it.
The Twisted Yarn says
Glad to be of service!
Sharon says
Oh, excellent! If only . . .
I’m off to northern Italy to harvest some fresh spaghetti!
The Twisted Yarn says
Ha ha! Be careful, those spaghetti trees can be prickly! (Do they have penne trees, too? And fusilli?)
Inez says
very cute and I see you are wearing that skirt again. Love it!
Maggie Bullock says
You tell a great yarn. This will be a great bedtime story for my grandkids when they next visit, I’ve herd they bread Acrylas at the recycling dump and they give you a baby free if you are a regular recycler. I wish I had one of these little lovelies when my son was young, it would have gobbled up all the leggo left lying around waiting for me to step on (ouch) in the wee hours.
Cheers Maggie
Ruth says
Loved every moment. I’m so glad you were able to photograph these elusive creatures,..I always wondered….Anyway I love acrylic yarn and all the lovely colors. Hummm, I love Legos, too – none were harmed in the filming of this, were they??
The Twisted Yarn says
I’m sure the Lego didn’t suffer too much whilst it was being – er – ruthlessly devoured by critters…
quietwatercraft says
Oh I want to hold an acryla!
The Twisted Yarn says
Are you sure? They’re a bit feisty!
quietwatercraft says
So am I, I’m sure I could handle it 😀