Sitting down to write this post with knitting and wine beside me is the most normal thing that I’ve done for a while. I hate the word ‘normal’, along with the word ‘should’ – as my patients rapidly discover when I ban both abominations from their vocabularies. But whatever on earth normal is, these past few weeks have not been it.
(This whole year hasn’t been normal, of course, but you’ve doubtless noticed that. And if you haven’t, then I really don’t want to be the one to burst your bubble.)
So the cancer diagnosis happened, and then you far-too-compassionate lot poured out your encouragement and your solidarity and your wisdom and your kindness. And all of that warmed my cold old heart and made me smile and feel a little braver. Seriously, thank you.
I’ve been rushing to finish all the things that I won’t be able to do following surgery/treatment, such as catching up on work, mowing the lawn, going running a lot, turning the compost heap, swinging from the chandeliers (not really; this is an old cottage with low ceilings, so if we had a chandelier, it would bump against our knees), and chasing the twinnage round the garden 700 times, which is a lot less arduous than it sounds because our garden is woefully small.
At last, nearly everything is done, I’ve had my pre-op drive-through covid test, and the medical roller coaster has begun. Preparing to be ill is the oddest thing. I have cancer, yet I’m in rude – in both senses of the word – health. It’s the treatment that’ll make me ill.
Is it wrong that I’m seriously worried about the fact that I have nothing on my needles right now?!
You see, I’ve just finished a pair of socks, and with all the getting-ready-to-be-ill stuff that’s been going on, I haven’t planned or designed anything new to knit next. I need to work on further designs for the will-it-won’t-it-happen book, but I just haven’t had the chance to sit and think, what with all that working and chandelier-swinging. But do let me show you these socks that have kept me calm and occupied in a variety of hospital waiting rooms.
As always, despite insisting on the most complex colourwork for every other project I’ve ever knitted, my socks are the simplest, plainest vanilla of patterns. The yarn is a hand-dyed beauty by Burrow and Soar, in the colourway ‘Bonfire’. I’ve written before – five years ago! – about Burrow and Soar, because I love their yarn. Just for the record, I paid half-price on this occasion, so clearly my opinion has been corrupted and you cannot trust a word that I say.
Except that you can, because this yarn really is luscious. And I’d challenge anyone to have cold feet whilst wearing such fiery colours. Burrow and Soar ship internationally, so distance need be no barrier to cosy feet!
This sock and its twin have kept me gainfully occupied whilst I waited for all eleventy hundred hospital appointments that have landed in my diary lately. Several clinicians have commented on this yarny loveliness, and they’re not wrong.
And the best news is that the kind-hearted Fran, who runs Burrow and Soar, is feeling generous to readers of this blog, because that’s the sort of person she is. If you’d like a nice chunky 20% off any order over £30 (excluding Christmas sock clubs), then enter twistyarn at the checkout. And enjoy.
And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to pack a bag (of yarn), ready for tomorrow’s surgery.
Happy yarnery, my fine, fibrous friends.
Phil x
Nicky says
Thinking of you for tomorrow and afterwards x
Helen Talbot says
Sending you all love and good vibes ????
Jan Brodie says
You’ve got this. Sending well wishes, particularly for the trauma that will be “no knitting” until you suss otherwise x
Diana Kobler says
You’ll be on my mind the whooole daaaay and the following days, I’ll be thinking of you and sending you good vibes…. it’s going to be OK you’ll see!!! Good luck dear Phil!!!
Geeha says
You’re all in my thoughts at this time and the weeks ahead. Everybody is different and we didn’t walk this path in current restrictions but understand a little of what you’re going through.
Sarah Lloyd says
Sending you love and light and I will be thinking of you tomorrow ????????????????????????????????????????????????
Noëlla says
I watched a chipmunk stuff his face with acorns this morning, preparing for winter, and thought of you, because you too take the time to marvel at small creatures. I wondered how you were holding up, came home, and here you are. Sending lots of visions of tiny critters to accompany you tomorrow. Wishing you sooo much health from Toronto, Canada…
Jo R says
So nice to hear from you again. Keep us posted, we’re with you all the way.
Helen B says
Thinking of you, hang in there. Hope the bag contains the snuggliest yarn….cuddles work even if knitting isn’t possible (drugs!)
Katrina says
I hope it all goes well and you can get back to your preferred activities soon.
Ann Jarvis says
I hope everything goes as well as it can for you tomorrow.
Sue Cheetham says
We will be thinking of you tomorrow. Lie back and dream of all those patterns you’ll be knitting in the not-too-distant future. XX
Jane Winter says
Sending you the warmest of thoughts and best wishes. Good luck!
Teresa B Rastoskey says
Dear Twisted, I am in the States and am about six hours behind you, so your day is over. I will keep you in my thoughts as I have since your last post. Put something fun on your needles and start charting the Sistene Chapel. That should keep your mind occupied.
Lorelei Schnabler says
I am praying for you. May your surgery be very successful and may you experience the peace and joy you so richly deserve!
Dominique Berlureau says
Sending a little prayer, much love, we’ve never met but hey love never goes out of fashion and a good hearty virtual hug, well is always a hug ????. Will be with you in wool and thought ????
pink says
Sending you love & good luck for tomorrow and your healing afterwards. I hope it all goes as well as it can. Will be thinking of you. Take lots of care x
Vickie says
Gorgeous socks. Big amounts of love for the treatment. Xxx
Sue says
Sending Prayers and moral support your way. I went through ovarian cancer in 2018. I know exactly what you are going through. Just remember God has a plan and you will get through this. Knitting will also help you through. Its a great support group.
Kate McDonald says
My thoughts and prayers with you tomorrow and for future treatment.
You will be in the hands of experts who are there for you and I am sure they will give you great care
xx
Ann P Wilson says
You are a gift to all who are fortunate enough to come into contact of any sort with you – even those of us across the “big pond” and all the way across the entire USA to Portland (where we are enduring the worst air on the planet) and you will conquer this nasty visitor. It can be done and you’ll do it. Love the socks and you, dear, dear Phil – you’re a treasure! Blessings…and love. Ann
Elinor Halliday says
Good luck for tomorrow, Phil. Wishing you a speedy recovery. Love the socks! Xxx
Gilly M says
If all the good wishes and thoughts were medicine you will be well in no time… I know I don’t know you or you me but your words have brought me such pleasure….Good luck xxxx
quietwatercraft says
I hope it all goes well tomorrow, and the recovery afterwards!
Karen Martinez says
You are so brave and proactive, very proud of you! Wishing you all the best on your surgery. I’ll be waiting for an update when you feel up to it, I know you will get through this obstacle like the champion you are!
Tineke says
I am with you in my heart, Phil, tomorrow ;>*
Joey J. says
May you find comfort and peace from the love of your family, friends, and readers. You will beat this!
K says
Sending support for tomorrow and beyond. I’ve never sent a comment anywhere before…..but I want to contribute to your support club.
Jill says
Every good wish. Hope feeding Robyn is still on the list of things you can do. Thought of you both as I watched my own Robin this afternoon.
marinellapo says
My English is bad, but i want to send you my best wishes for ALL. Thankyou for your blog that I love.
smittyesq says
Will be sending positive thoughts your way. Take slow deep breaths and know that your cheerleaders are all with you.
Honor says
I hope all goes well tomorrow and during treatment. I love reading about you life – thank you for sharing it with us. Best wishes to your family also. Honor
Judith Frey says
Your blog has brightened my day so many times I hope there are lovely moments of discovery as you walk on your path of recovery. Judith
Alison Freedman says
Will be thinking of you tomorrow. Very best wishes!
Alison
jackallcraft says
Wishing you success in the surgical dispatch of the wee green beastie, and good painkillers, emotional calm and something pleasant to occupy your thoughts and time on the other side. Xx
Dianne says
All the best for your Op and treatment! Love the socks and hope you feel up to starting a new project very soon x
lekkipp says
Wishing you all the very best for the start of your treatment, for the days ahead and for a swift recovery X
Claire says
When I sit down to knit a few rows tomorrow Phil, I will think of you and send you my best wishes,
myriam says
I know what you are going through. Optimism, humor, knitting are very important and being surrounded by friends and your family. Trust your doctor, brestcancer is a well known cancer. I wish you good luck for tomorrow and the very best with your treatment.
Wendy says
Very, very, very best of luck. You will be on my mind and in my thoughts. Take your meds, take the painkillers, rest and sleep. It’s the best medicine. You can do this because you have us all on your side fighting the battle with you.
Love to you and yours. XXXXX
Carol says
Just when I was thinking of you fondly yesterday, so I’m glad you wrote us today. If it’s midafternoon here in Winnipeg it must be midevening where you are so I’m not too late to wish you all the best tomorrow and throughout the next few months. BTW do you use a 22cm needle for socks? Your twins’ pond is adorable.
Karen Allen says
Good luck tomorrow Phil. Went through this last year and coming out the other side. Don’t try to be too brave. Use the Macmillan nurses ( they really know what they’re doing) lean on friends and family ( they want to do something to support you). I know it’s hard when your trying to say yourself – it’s fine, I’ll get through this, I’m super strong! And yes you are but this will change you and you will do better with support. Will hold you in the light. Karen
Carol says
Oh I forgot to mention – I think the correct phrase you were thinking of is ‘If I can turn a heel and take a photo of it whilst walking, I can defeat cancer, right?’
Jayne says
Wishing you a very speedy recovery. You brighten our days with your sense of fun, hopecully all these positive thkughts will help you . Xxx
Beryl says
Thinking of you, wishing you well & sending lots of love xx
Debbie Jones says
Good luck with the surgery, thank you for this blog, cheers me up lots! xxx
Jaye Jacques says
Sending you the biggest and warmest wishes. Keep picturing the most complicated design you can come up with , to keep your mind busy. Recover quickly so you can stun us with more way out patterns
Naomi Starkey says
If sending you good, hard hugs can be helpful, you’ll be better in no time. I am praying for you, your family and the medical sorts who will help you.
Rebecca says
Praying for you, especially tomorrow xxx
Roxanne Welch says
Take care! I hope everything goes well and that you are feeling better very soon.
Tagati says
Sending you a virtual hug for your appointment.
I really enjoy reading your blog and appreciate the glimpses of your life and philosophy.
Mahalo.
Suzie says
Sending you lots of love across the miles – you can do this, I know you can. You’ll be in our thoughts and hopefully you can sense all the love coming your way. xxx ????❤️