Sitting down to write this post with knitting and wine beside me is the most normal thing that I’ve done for a while. I hate the word ‘normal’, along with the word ‘should’ – as my patients rapidly discover when I ban both abominations from their vocabularies. But whatever on earth normal is, these past few weeks have not been it.
(This whole year hasn’t been normal, of course, but you’ve doubtless noticed that. And if you haven’t, then I really don’t want to be the one to burst your bubble.)
So the cancer diagnosis happened, and then you far-too-compassionate lot poured out your encouragement and your solidarity and your wisdom and your kindness. And all of that warmed my cold old heart and made me smile and feel a little braver. Seriously, thank you.
I’ve been rushing to finish all the things that I won’t be able to do following surgery/treatment, such as catching up on work, mowing the lawn, going running a lot, turning the compost heap, swinging from the chandeliers (not really; this is an old cottage with low ceilings, so if we had a chandelier, it would bump against our knees), and chasing the twinnage round the garden 700 times, which is a lot less arduous than it sounds because our garden is woefully small.
At last, nearly everything is done, I’ve had my pre-op drive-through covid test, and the medical roller coaster has begun. Preparing to be ill is the oddest thing. I have cancer, yet I’m in rude – in both senses of the word – health. It’s the treatment that’ll make me ill.
Is it wrong that I’m seriously worried about the fact that I have nothing on my needles right now?!
You see, I’ve just finished a pair of socks, and with all the getting-ready-to-be-ill stuff that’s been going on, I haven’t planned or designed anything new to knit next. I need to work on further designs for the will-it-won’t-it-happen book, but I just haven’t had the chance to sit and think, what with all that working and chandelier-swinging. But do let me show you these socks that have kept me calm and occupied in a variety of hospital waiting rooms.
As always, despite insisting on the most complex colourwork for every other project I’ve ever knitted, my socks are the simplest, plainest vanilla of patterns. The yarn is a hand-dyed beauty by Burrow and Soar, in the colourway ‘Bonfire’. I’ve written before – five years ago! – about Burrow and Soar, because I love their yarn. Just for the record, I paid half-price on this occasion, so clearly my opinion has been corrupted and you cannot trust a word that I say.
Except that you can, because this yarn really is luscious. And I’d challenge anyone to have cold feet whilst wearing such fiery colours. Burrow and Soar ship internationally, so distance need be no barrier to cosy feet!
This sock and its twin have kept me gainfully occupied whilst I waited for all eleventy hundred hospital appointments that have landed in my diary lately. Several clinicians have commented on this yarny loveliness, and they’re not wrong.
And the best news is that the kind-hearted Fran, who runs Burrow and Soar, is feeling generous to readers of this blog, because that’s the sort of person she is. If you’d like a nice chunky 20% off any order over £30 (excluding Christmas sock clubs), then enter twistyarn at the checkout. And enjoy.
And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to pack a bag (of yarn), ready for tomorrow’s surgery.
Happy yarnery, my fine, fibrous friends.
Phil x
Dawn says
May God be much closer than 2 metres! – and give you peace and strength. Take care.
Twink Lester says
Phil: Wishing you well as healing thoughts wind your way and will wrap you in a very soft blanket as you do what you need to do. May your recovery be swift. Lots and Lots of appreciation for the love you’ve shared with your blog—let it all come back to you tomorrow!
Twink
Jenny Brown says
Sending you all my very best and shiniest wishes, Phil. I do hope that yours is a boringly straightforward operation followed by boringly straightforward treatment. I’m sure that you will soon be back running marathons – perhaps whilst knitting an outrageously exciting creation! xx
DerMuge says
If you can turn a heel while walking, you can CERTAINLY, DEFINITELY, POSITIVELY beat cancer, you wonderful woman.
It is so like you to have taken time out to write a post to us all, waiting here all over the world longing to hear just something – anything ! – about where you are with all this.
Personally speaking, I’m between blogs and without, it seems, a persona. Buggered if I know why. But it don’t matter, Phil: I can still let you know that I would be praying like mad were there anyone to pray to anywhere.
On the other hand, it’s highly likely that even if there were, and even if it listened to us, you won’t need its intervention; because you, Phil, are going to conquer.
“Ad alma vincerò !” – it’s your theme, you dear thing.
M.R., with a big fat Downunder hug
dragontearsoflove says
Thinking of you during this challenging time. I hope you let the twinnage grow that pond into their own paradise…They need this sanctuary, too. It will be a peaceful place to rest, which is something I love about your blogs. Take care, and I hope the book deal will work with your schedule and energy.
Susan Lipson says
Wishing you the best for Susan, knitter inspired by your spirit and work
Sue says
Giant hugs (pre-op, of course!), prayers and positive thoughts for you, Sweet Lady. Know I am holding you in my heart, and rest well, feeling the gentle love from all us fellow yarnies holding you close. Tomorrow will be done before you know it and you will be able to move forward. Life throws us curves, yarn, art, science and love carry us.
Much Love from across the pond.
Selma says
❤️ All my love. You know where I am xx
Claire says
With all that yarnpower behind you, the surgery will be fine. You’ve got this. And we’ve got you x
Karen Allen says
Good luck tomorrow Phil. Went through this last year and coming out the other side. Don’t try to be too brave. Use the Macmillan nurses ( they really know what they’re doing) lean on friends and family ( they want to do something to support you). I know it’s hard when your trying to say yourself – it’s fine, I’ll get through this, I’m super strong! And yes you are but this will change you and you will do better with support. Will hold you in the light. Karen
knittingmayhem says
Adding my positive thoughts and good wishes down your way from the Highlands. Kick it’s ass, you know you can. XX
Rainbow Junkie says
With many prayers and good wishes for tomorrow. Hope all goes well. It’s wonderful what they can do these days. Just let the doctors do their bit and then let your body do the rest.
Janice Markey says
So sorry to hear about this today. You will be in my thoughts. Be strong, be brave, be made all better. Lots of love, Janice M
sisterjoyous says
Just sending you love and strength Phil. And a bucketload of beautiful sock yarn to keep wowing the medics! XXXXX
captelaine says
I can’t turn a heel while walking, but I’ve started a new pair of socks sitting in my chair… sending you love and wishes for a speedy recovery, and a skilled surgeon and caring nurses to help you along the way. You can beat this dear lady I have no doubt.
booplebum (@booplebum) says
I love yarn and I love reading your blog – blog and yarn = blarn? It’s gifted me much cheerfulness over the years that I’ve peeped in on your doings (that sounds wrong!), so thank you. Wishing you all my best. Boople x
Mimi says
This is a fight your going to win. Thoughts and prayers
JaneBergstralh says
Blessings on you, and stay Texas strong. I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord: Plans to give you hope and a future! ????????????????????. Jane
Amanda says
My first ever comment online – to wish you all the best Phil.
anne spencer says
Speaking as a nurse who knits (a Knitty nurse?), you are going to be fine. Don’t put up with the pain..ask for painkillers. Don’t be afraid to cry…growth needs rain as well as sunshine. Don’t brave this out on your own…accept ALL offers of help. Email if I can offer that help. You got this. Xx
Leslie says
Have you considered turning old blog posts into a book? I know I wish I had printed out some of them and would love to reread oldies if you are struggling to produce new posts as you recover. Just, please, give us a sentence about how you are progressing. Nonknitting fingers are crossed.
Dawn Beck says
I’ve been holding you in the light since your last post and will continue to do so. As others have said, let others help out as much as possible, family and friends who offer will really mean it. I hope the twinnage (and your partner come to that) will also get support, please don’t hesitate to ask for it from the experts when it’s needed.
Kath Stephenson says
Sending lots and lots of good wishes to you. You are in my thoughts lovely lady x x x
Sharon says
Hang in there Phil, & all the best to all four of you. Hope you’ve remembered to arrange for someone to feed Robyn too!
& good on the Twinnage and their new pond.
Nicola says
“It’s the treatment that’ll make me ill.” Never a truer word was spoken. I pray for the day when the standard treatment for cancer is something that makes you feel better, not worse. May you beat this and be well, Phil xx
Jean says
Sending you love and a huge pre-op hug – and a gentler post-op one to tide you over until you’re back to chandelier-swinging/heel-turning/Robyn-the-robin-wrangling (but only when you’re ready) x
Postcard from Gibraltar says
Will be thinking of you tomorrow Phil x
Lynley says
Take care. So many knitters will be thinking of you. Lynley, from Australia
Jennie says
Best wishes for the op and for a speedy recovery. And vanilla socks are a must! Always have a sock project (or 5 – choice is good!) on the needles, good mindless knitting!
WashingtonKnitter says
Totally agree that if you can turn a heel when walking you can BEAT CANCER! Love the socks. Will definitely keep you in prayers.
rebelflairsnowbird says
I’m so sorry to hear you will be having surgery tomorrow for cancer. I’ve been there, like many and am 31/2 years out. I made it and feel good though it was an ordeal. It’s in my rear view mirror. My key word has been Joy and I approach every bonus day with joy. I know you will persevere as you are a strong woman, plus you have the twinnage to finish rearing.
Sending you joy and healing thoughts. I wish you a speedy recovery. ????
csprmrkt says
Take care from all your knit-wits in Canada! You’ve got this!
Sally R. says
May your surgeons be at their finest tomorrow, your spirits be at their highest, and your strength at its strongest. Prayers and thoughts for a 100% recovery . Take care of yourself, allow yourself time to heal and let others help lift your burden.
Bobbie Jean says
We’re with you, Phil. We’re sending our prayers and positive energy to surround you.
Monty Don would be proud of that pond.
Be well.
Penny Moton says
Dear Phil, sending lots & lotsa ❤❤, prayers & positive thoughts to U across the pond from Houston. U are surrounded by much love & support to help U in your Victory. Will hold U in my heart until ur up & able to see this newest challenge in ur rearview mirror. Stay strong.
Grandma Flea says
Very best wishes for a speedy recovery, Phil. Please take all help that you are offered by family and friends – it gives you loving support and let’s you be able to rest and recover. ????
Kate Moore says
Norman Cousins is quoted to have said, “Hearty laughter is a good way to jog internally, without having to go outdoors.”
Perhaps you can let your runners cool their heels by a warm fire for a while, while you binge on chuckles, chortles, and belly laughs.
Cheers to you from the Village of Newcastle, Ontario, Canada!
Faye. Maplestone says
To our “twisted Guru”…our needles will be clicking your way as the journey continues for you.
. I was only thinking of you yesterday. …will be sending love in bulk your way always.
Be as twisted as ever, laugh a lot, and send that little green gremlin packing. Give him a boot for all of us.
Carolyn Hann says
So sorry to learn of your cancer diagnosis. May all go well as you travel through surgery and treatment. Stay positive and believe you will overcome this. Sending love and prayers from “down under” in Australia. ????????????
daisy (margaret lerner) says
dearest phil,
i’m sorry to hear of your cancer diagnosis…
i’ve added you to my daily prayer list for healing…
i hope your surgery goes well and that you recover without any complications.
love,
daisy
Becka says
Thank you for posting! I love your blog and am sending you and your family thoughts and prayers. Please keep up your knitting and peppy personality! Lot’s of love!
Viviane says
First comment to tell you that I love you, your blog, and your readers. Stay strong, keep laughing and turning heels while walking and I am sure everything will be fine. I will think of you today and the days to come. Please keep updating. Big hugs from over the Channel.
Gallivanta says
Sending skeins and skeins of good wishes to you, the Twinnage, and your family.
Helen says
Sending my thoughts and so much love that your op, and your treatments all go well, and you recover quickly. Look after yourself, and thank you for your inspiring words. Love, light and so many best wishes to you and your family. Xxx????
Julie Walter says
Wishing you well, go easy on yourself! Looking forward to hearing your insights, I’m a nurse and I’m hoping that all the nurses are warm and caring (but happy to hear some funny stories about my colleagues too!)
Ashwini says
My best wishes to you dear Phil
Get well soon!
Take good care of yourself!
Helen B says
May all the humour and good vibes you share with us that means so much, through good times and not so good, come back at you, wearing it’s best (handmade) jumper, X
pymccoy says
Praying for you strongly. Anything you need, or would like, please ask.
Nada Roberts says
Thinking of you ,Phil, hoping all goes smoothly and that you will be back here telling us how well it has all gone. We are all sending you and your family love, hugs and healing thoughts.
Jane Sturgeon says
<3 Phil <3
Joanne says
Lots of love, positive thoughts, and prayers from Canada!!
Joanne Hortensius
Susan says
May all go well! One thing I’ve had to learn is that being a patient requires you to be patient. Recovery simply takes time. And yes, I know it’s simple to say this, but incredibly hard to actually do. Still. Be kind to yourself while healing, please!
Jackie Webb says
Good luck Phil I’ve sure you will be fine. A friend (another friend) has just undergone a breast removal. Was only in hospital 2 nights is now at home and says. “ I thought I would be in agony, both physically and mentally but actually all is OK. I feel as if a weight has been lifted and I don’t feel ill or in a lot of pain.” This is her 5th day since surgery. May be a little too early for you, but my friend has decided not to have reconstruction surgery, so I looked up alternatives to prosthetics. Check out Knitted Knockers. It’s right up my friend and my street, ( yours too probably) and I have knitted her two, one with and one without nipple she can then choose. I’m just waiting for the recommended filling to arrive and will take them through for her.
Savannagal says
Sending warm wishes and positive energy for a speedy recovery.
Lindsey says
Adding my best wishes and thoughts to everyone else who are sending good vibes your way. Not to be too flippant but…get’em both lopped off and continue your lovely life. It’s fortunate your cancer has been found and can be dealt with. It will try to beat you, but thumb your nose at it and laugh in its face. May you live a full lifetime watching ponds and feeding birds by hand.❤️