There’s trouble in the strawberry bed. Not the real strawberry bed, from which we’ve had a decent crop of fruit this year, but the one on the crocheted allotment cushion that I’m designing.
It turns out that it’s difficult to convey the essence of a strawberry plant at a tiny scale using DK-weight yarn. What even is the essence of a strawberry plant? I had the same problem with cauliflowers. And potatoes. But I managed those in the end. The pattern is coming fairly soon, I promise the masochistic amongst you. The yarn is Stylecraft Special DK.
It doesn’t help my design confidence that we spent last week on holiday in northern France and visited an unsurpassed piece of yarnery: the Bayeux Tapestry. Or maybe the Bayeux Tapestry is only brilliant because its creators didn’t face the challenge of representing strawberries. Perhaps the finished object would’ve been a bit rubbish if they had. Yes, that’ll be it. Thank goodness William the Conqueror fired arrows at King Harold, and not an assortment of tricky-to-represent fruit and vegetables.
I’m aware that you’re a multinational posse, so in case you’re not au fait with the Bayeux Tapestry, here’s some context on this nearly-thousand-year-old piece of textile majesty. Picture the scene: the year is 1064. In England (yes I mean England: this is w-a-y before the various bits of what is now the United Kingdom became the happy frenemies that we are today), old King Edward The Confessor was close to popping his clogs. Having pondered who should succeed him, he summoned his brother-in-law Harold Godwinson. WA-HEY!!!!! thought Harold, IMA GONNA BE A KING! FOR REAL! I WISH INSTAGRAM HAD BEEN INVENTED ALREADY SO I COULD POST ABOUT IT USING HASHTAG KING HAROLD! But no, Edward wanted Harold to cross the Channel to France to inform the nobleman William The Bastard (as he was then known – yes, really) that the English throne would be his. Through teeth so gritted that you could have called them a road, Harold agreed. THAT’S FINE, he thought. BEING KING IS FOR LOSERS, INNIT. I DIDN’T WANT THAT STUPID THRONE ANYWAY. Except he did. He really, really did.
Harold sailed to France.
There were some kerfuffles and shenanigans that I’ll gloss over, but ultimately Harold ended up before William and, at the latter’s insistence, pinky-promised the Frenchman that he’d definitely respect his right to the English throne. Except he had his fingers crossed behind his back when he said it. That was a rookie mistake on Willy’s part. Back in England, the old King Edward died, and Harold had himself crowned king of England. HA HA, SUCKS TO BE YOU, he probably shouted in the vague direction of France.
It’s fair to say that William The Bastard wasn’t best pleased with this turn of events. He threw his sudoku aside in anger that morning and didn’t even finish his blueberry muesli or celery smoothie. There’s some artistic licence in that sentence, but I’m confident that I’m portraying events semi-realistically. In a fit of righteous indignation, he summoned seven thousand of his closest friends and told them to fetch weapons and build ships, ready to sail to England. Haven’t we all done this on a bad day? It was 1066 when the fleet set sail.
The battle between William’s and Harold’s peeps was nasty, and of course it was the ordinary folk who suffered most as they were killed or their houses burned. In a famous scene from multiple memes, King Harold took an arrow through the eye and died. Fortunately a war-embroiderer was on hand to capture the event in aesthetically pleasing shades of yarn, and so we have the Bayeux Tapestry. And thus, William-The-Bastard became William-The-Conqueror and took the English throne. Not too shabby for a day’s work.
The Bayeux Tapestry is actually embroidery, and was likely made in England. It was the eleventh century equivalent of social media, lacking only the hashtag #HaHaIWonYouLoser. It’s 50cm (20″) high, and an impressive 68 metres (224′) long. I’ve always been fascinated by it, and as a child, I embroidered over a tea towel portraying one of its scenes – though not as skilfully as the original war-embroiders’ work, of course. My Fine Fibrous Friends, I’m giddy with excitement that I saw the actual tapestry! It was magnificent, and moving, and beautiful, and sometimes humorous, and sometimes tragic. There were quirky details that made me smile: William’s horse was of course portrayed with a bigger penis than anyone else’s horse… JUST in case you peasants doubted that Big Willy The Conqueror was the boss-man. That’ll show you puny-penised Anglo-Saxons. Ha!
Photography wasn’t allowed in the museum, otherwise I would have peppered this post with close-ups of the careful stitchery. Instead I’m posting free-to-use pictures from the web.
But there’s more.
Do you recognise the name Jan Messent? I’ve written about her fascinating knitted (and crocheted and embroidered) art before, here and here, for example.
Her work inspired the chair. I never anticipated that she’d make an appearance in Bayeux, but after viewing the tapestry (sorry, ‘tapestry’), visitors are ushered upstairs to see an exhibition about the construction and history of the work. I gasped when I reached an exhibit mentioning her name. Late last century, she studied the war-embroiderers’ techniques and produced a book about this fabulous artwork. Of course I bought the book. On the plus side, she’s wise in her judgement. On the not-plus side, the font in which the book was printed is ludicrously difficult to read. I’ll update you on my thoughts in the roughly seven years it’ll take me to decipher this thing.
Meanwhile, here’s a photo of one of our hikes through the beautiful forests of Normandy.
And here’s the produce that was ready when we returned home, from our home garden (left) and from the allotment and my space in a friend’s garden (right). My Fine Fibrous Friends, tonight we are mostly eating. And sharing produce with our friends and neighbours.
Discover more from the twisted yarn
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
Geweldige samenvatting van wat er op het tapijt te zien is!
Thank you. It was fun to write.
Wow! Amazing. And all of this because you needed a break from yarny strawberries. Did you chose your vacation spot because of the tapestry? Or was this just a convenient spot to dump you while your merry men went off in more manly pursuits like sword practice or sword throwing? I love embroidery and not of the cross stitch variety. Plus the actual material had to be woven. It’s mind boggling in my mass produced world.
Your garden haul looks amazing. It should feed you mostly for a few days. I hope the Twinnage realize what you are feeding them. It’s not just nutrition or practicality. It’s love. Both the real and yarny.
I’m waiting impatiently for my garden to actually produce. I either need horse manure or to turn the gardens into bee and butterfly havens and get my produce at a farmers market.
You didn’t mention it, but I hope the health of your sons’ is improving.
Teresa
Not for the first time (and I hope not for the last), thank you Teresa.
Apologies for not addressing the Twin In Question’s health. The latest update is that he and I and the Stoic Spouse are to have genetic testing to work out whether there’s anything defective in our immune systems that could explain his symptoms. This is going to be a long, slow process.
Holiday destination wasn’t chosen specifically due to proximity to Bayeux, but when Husbandface suggested this accommodation, I didn’t take more than 0.03 seconds to say YES. Am feeling fortunate and privileged after having seen this thing. On a less positive note, sometimes people stare at the twinnage (very obviously identical twins with cute blonde curly hair). In the queue for the tapestry, the woman in front of us STARED AND STARED AND STARED at my boys. My socially reticent boys were not best pleased and thus not in a great mood when we got to the tapestry. It’s hard being 14.
May your garden produce in abundance very soon. And yes yes yes to turning your garden into insect nirvana. You won’t regret it.
Phil x
I have 12 and 14 yo grandsons
I can envision the eye rolls, the fidgeting, the self control not to turn around and glare at those offending adults. Since their house is covered in yarny things their vacation HAD to be too. Poor things.
I’m checking in to see how you are. I hope all is well in your world. You are missed.
It is impressive, he? I love your version of the history, not as dry as the books. My kids were too little to understand the lineage of a thousand years. They loved the ships, weapons and knights, though. You stayed in a marvellous old home. Normandy is stunning, and usually not as insanely hot as the South of France. About knitting/crochet strawberries and tiny letters, I am not of any help and a fan of small things besides my job; relaxing at home is all I want.
Hi Tineke. It’s hard to know where to begin with agreeing with every single word you’ve written! But I will say that I’m glad your children enjoyed the tapestry in their own way. And yes yes yes to Normandy being stunning (and I think underrated).
Dear Phil,
you crochet allotment cushion is gorgeous! you are so amazingly talented!
and i love your pics of the Bayeux tapestry…
did you know that Lucy Worsley recently did one of her ‘investigates’ programs about William the Conqueror which included in depth discussion of the tapestry.
if you haven’t seen it, i highly recommend it!
best regards always,
margaret (daisy) lerner
Thank you as always so much.
You may be kinder than I deserve, but I’m not going to argue too hard.
No I didn’t know that Lucy W had done a programme about the subject. Thank you! I will seek it out. I really appreciate you telling me. (Don’t normally watch TV so I miss loads of good stuff.)
Phil x
I enjoyed your latest missive having seen the Bayeaux tapestry at least three times on different visits to Normandy. I wondered if you have been to Fishguard and viewed the Last Invasion tapestry which covers the events of 1797 when a French military force landed 3miles from Fishguard and was repelled. It particularly showcases the contribution of local women in doing so. I visited it in April this year when staying with my sister in Swansea. It may not be as long as the Bayeaux tapestry but it is equally fascinating and the story of how it was constructed using local designers and a community of embroiderers – some experienced, some completely new to embroidery – is quite remarkable. Here is a link for further information https://www.visitpembrokeshire.com/attraction-listing/last-invasion-tapestry
Hi Claire!
Ooh no, I didn’t know about this. THANK YOU for telling me. Seriously.
Phil x
Good morning Phil and Claire too, your read about the Bayeaux work is fascinating Phil – I’ve never seen it in person – but seen programmes about it over the years.
But this Last Invasion work sounds stunning too and well worth a look at. We’re in Lancashire and don’t travel much these days but I’d love to get to Fishguard to see it. Thank you for bringing it up on Phil’s page Claire – and as for strawberries in DK 😳 !! Well done you Phil ! The chair you recovered in your stunning crochet is what first made me follow you – goodness knows how long ago now. Margaret x
Great post. Have you come across Mia Hansson? She is currently embroidering a full size replica of the Bayeux Tapestry and posts brilliantly about her progress. She’s definitely worth following on FB. I have learnt so much.
Why not use 4 ply yarn for embroidery of some of the finer details of your garden it would show the delicacy of the garden even better
I love your posts. You inspire me!
Can you find some sort of inspiration in the hobby of fly tying for. Fishing lures? The methodology might.hold a secret or clue you could try on your strawberry idea
Love the history lesson!! And your crocheted garden is amazing!!
How interesting! I’ve known about the Bayeaux Tapestry and how old it is, and about 1066 and the Norman Conquest (though it did take me awhile to realize that “Norman” meant French). I love the way you told the story, and I’m still cracking up about the “my horse’s penis is bigger than your horse’s penis” thing. We haven’t progressed so very far have we?
Look at all the beautiful fruit you grew! Do I see a little jam making in your future? Or maybe perhaps “just” a tart or two, or three? It all looks so luscious. Your neighbor did quite well with her haul too. Are home-grown onions more potent than store bought?
Hope Algernon Hieronymus is on his way to robust rude good health. Please keep us posted. As for rendering a strawberry in crochet, I would never. I couldn’t. I’m still trying to get the hang of snowflakes
Lovely views of Normandy. I’m looking forward to seeing the Bayeux Tapestry when it’s at the British museum next year.
When the tapestry arrives in the British Museum next year there will be a line of us looking for big and small willies! Love your rehash of the history.
Noice Writing! How wonderful to whip across the pond and chug round France!
Schepjees Sweet Treat yarn….no idea what the ply is but I think it may work for those fiddly strawberries . Do hope you and yours are in Fine Fettle.
Would French knots work for the strawberries?
I have that Jan Messent book. It’s fascinating, but the font is very hard going. I bought it just before I had eye surgery and it was about a year before I could read it!
I believe your explanation of the Norman Conquest and 1066 should be in the new history curriculum. Very well explained!
Your crochet allotment is amazing, and mouth-watering 🙂
I went to see the “tapestry “ in 1994… and it was not available. Not been back to that part of France since…
Please write some history books. Would be far more fun…
Lucky you getting up close & almost personal with that fine bit of English embroidery. Not only were Les Normans tring to rub in the fact that the English embroiders menfolk had be thoroughly BEATEN, & some of them were dead.
English Embroidery was Really Rated back then as being The Top Stuff!
Love reading your adventures… About those strawberries, have you considered splitting off 1 ply of the yarn and using that for the tiny berries.
You must, if you can persuade the already-yarned-out family, go and see the Norwich Friends Tapestry, which continues the story. https://norwichcastle.wordpress.com/2023/04/26/a-story-in-stitch-the-revolt-of-the-three-earls/
Saw it this weekend and it’s full of dastardly British moustaches and a feisty heroine. I didn’t think to check out the horses c penises, will have to return for that