Driving home from work the other night, I passed a kid who was wearing a Slipknot t-shirt. Now, I’m not totally clueless: I realize that Slipknot is a thrash metal band whose members shout and wear masks and jump around near big fires whilst playing bass. (That’s the bass guitar, not something from the strings section of the orchestra.) And I appreciate that I’m some way off their target demographic for fandom. Not a teenage boy. Not angry*.
But that evening, what I was wondering was, Why the name ‘Slipknot’? It sounds a little… knitting-related. Or crochet. At the end of a gig, do these chaps unplug their amps, extinguish the fires, and toddle home for a restful spot of fairisle?
I’m thinking probably not.
But why ‘Slipknot’? Back when they were disaffected kids trying to form an anarchic band, was their choice of moniker a rebellion against years of watching their mums crocheting away, muttering ‘Form a slipknot then chain 60…’? And will this be the fate of my own sons in 15 years’ time? After years of being surrounded by knitting, will they go off the rails and form a wild band called Cast-Off?
Or am I over-thinking this?
Of course, the best way to prevent youthful rebellion is to do all the terrible things yourself so that your kids (i) are mortified, and (ii) rebel against you by being well-behaved**. We’ve already seen this on a small scale with the twinnage. I always try to dress them in mismatched socks, the reasoning being that as identical twins, they’re already pretty matching-looking, so adding matching socks would be a match too far. I know, I know: so very wild, so very zany. And do you know what the little rebels have gone and done? They’ve started insisting that they’ll only wear neat, perfectly matched socks. They’re only four years old! I despair.
Back to the band story. The logical conclusion of all this is that what I need to do to prevent the twinnage growing up to form an edgy band with a name subverted from a knitting book is to form a knitting-related thrash metal band myself. The Stoic Spouse is learning guitar, so he can help. We’ll need more members too, if any of you are free for band practise tonight? May I suggest The Purlz as a name? Note that rebellious little mis-spelled ‘z’ on the end. As I said, so wild, so zany. We’ll sing – or rather, growl – about how hard it is to know how much yarn to leave for a long-tail cast-on, and how embittered and alienated we’ve felt since the sale ended at the yarn shop. We’ll need to take up smoking to perfect our gravelly voices. And we’ll get properly badass tattoos:-
We’ll have wild hair and stomping boots and crazy clothes (incorporating plenty of pockets for stowing stitch markers) and we will rock! And yes, both knitting and crochet will be permitted at our gigs.
So we need some tunes, man. How about the following, shouted at maximum volume whilst head-banging?
I frogged my SOCKS
And my fairisle’s BAD
But that’s not the THING that makes me MAD.
Gotta whole lotta STITCHES
That I need to show my BITCHES
Cos my knitting is DISMAL but my yarn is RAD.
‘Rad’ means really really splendid. I looked it up in the urban dictionary. So old, so down wiv da kidz.
And one day, the twinnage will witness all this, shake their heads in despair, tell each other, ‘Mum’s having a mid-life crisis again’, and go away to do something sensible, such as their maths homework.
I hope.
*Except concerning environmental degradation, political/religious extremism, and misogyny. But Slipknot aren’t primarily addressing those themes at present.
**Disclaimer: This is written with tongue firmly in cheek, not with my professional psychologist hat on. Please do not go and drop acid in front of your kids. Or subject them to you playing air guitar.
Just brilliant – love your blog it never fails to put a smile on my face for all the right reasons.
Thank you. Glad to be of service. 🙂
Lol..you, my dear, have far too much time on your hands..(or are more likely avoiding something you really should be doing!) Thanks for the chuckle… 😀 x
More like the avoidance, actually. My house is a mess, but the blog post is nailed.
Brilliant! Love your thinking, my children (7 and 4) already tell me not to sing if I ever attempt to sing along with anything, the embarrassment has started early in my house. Oh, and mismatched socks are their only option if they want to wear socks – my laundry organisation leaves a lot to be desired!
Yes, I’m probably exaggerating the extent to which properly matched/paired socks are available round here…
How about a catchy tune that’s the Kitchener Stitch? It could turn into an earworm!
Yes! Right, you’re in charge of song-writing. 🙂
Really enjoyed this , thanks for the giggle. My daughter bought me a bangle a couple of Christmas’s ago with the message ” just one more row” spelled out in silver beads, guess we do influence our children with our crafty obsession!
What a beautiful gift. Your daughter sounds very thoughtful.
Love your logic, decided to be a rebel in my forties, ……….my kids joined in though! Lol !
Ha ha. That sounds kinda fun. 🙂
I volunteer! I have a ukulele and various percussion instruments gathered from around the world – Cuban gourd, Greek tambourine (pre austerity with full silverware) and Indonesian (via mid Wales) drums. My signature rebellion being I follow this blog avidly but can’t knit, knot or crochet …..
You’re IN. 🙂 Please bring all those fabulous instruments.
I agree with all points, except not playing air guitar in front of the children…Air Guitar is a classic, and one parent needs to teach the children how to do so…;-), and embarrass them greatly as they age with this simple parlor trick;-)
OK, fair enough. I guess I’m just jealous because I’m not very good at air guitar. Do you give lessons? 🙂
Delightful!
I’m sorry, it’s almost midnight where I am and after a tricky day I really have no brain for composing witty (or intelligible) praise. Your post rocked (pun intended) and that’s that 🙂
Thank you. 🙂
Allow me to be your 3rd groupie to say “Brilliant!” Too funny. I have no musical talent, but I could stand on the corner of the stage while pensively staring at a yarn web of cat’s cradle interlacing my fingers. It would be so existential. At your concerts, rather than applauding or flicking their bic lighters at the end of each song, your fans could simply click their knitting needles together. Oh – and I think you could rip-off the Indigo Girls song, “Pushing the Needle Too Far”. Love this post.
Yup, you’ve passed the audition: you’re in.
Thanks!
I can do album cover design? I’m thinking an odd shaped ball of yarn with chunky needles sticking out of it crisscrossed. At first glance you think its a jolly roger but then you put on your glasses and no. Just a nice 12 ply.
Yes, yes, yes! We need your talent please! (I love that we’ve pretty much covered the full range of skills needed from amongst the commenters, although I think we’re still lacking a drummer.)
I’ll have a bash at it? (Get it? Bash at it. Hehe)
This made my mom self laugh out loud! I actually had to explain myself to my befuddled children and husband across the room. Thank you so much for this! I can definitely relate.
Oh dear, apologies for causing the disturbance to your family. 🙂
I can do the gravelly voice ……… and stab myself with 1s while on stage – good for a scream!
Yup, you’re in. You’d be perfect.
Please can I volunteer as lead singer. I can’t sing, I’m tone deaf and therefore, I think, the perfect front-person for da Purlz. [Man, you is rockin’ da beat wiv that name!]. If that spot is already taken I can be a back up singer and add real disharmony to the lead vocal. I have recently learned to do the thumbs pointing downwards in unison movement whilst shrugging my shoulders, thrusting my right hip forward and tapping my foot to indicate dissatisfaction wid da kidz who is rockin demselves out too laoud on de fron’ lawn. I can’t come to band practise. Shouldn’t be a problem though?
Agreed: you sound perfect for the role of lead singer. See you at band practise.
Your post made me smile. 😉
Glad to be of service. 🙂
I’d love to do some Jimi Hendrix violin for you. Ah, it’s so good to laugh.
Yes, yes, yes! We need you!
I’d buy the crap outta your first album! (Oops… may have dated myself a bit there.)
Rebel Yarn Rockers Unite!
Yay, our first customer! 🙂
Lol, I love it!
🙂
Plonked down on the sofa after work and was greatly amused by your entertaining post. Thank you 🙂
Glad to be of service. 🙂
Laughed ’till I cried reading your blog with my coffee this morning! Kept getting strange looks from the husband who obviously thought I’d travelled even further around the bend than usual! I can’t help with the band as I don’t play an instrument but I volunteer to do some stage diving at your first gig provided there are crash mats to land on in case no-one catches me!!! 😉
Oh dear, please give my apologies to your husband! And more importantly, we NEED your stage diving skills. I don’t have any crash mats to offer, but I can grab a couple of cushions from the sofa if that’s OK?
Actually what you say is absolutely true. In fact you’ve hit a slight nerve ? I grew up with parents in the music business and who were the coolest people I knew. This was terrible and cool all at the same time. My Mum would rock up to the school gates in a battered car blaring Sigue Sigue Sputnik (Billy Idol was in it I think) wearing the coolest 80s fashions when the other Mums had on nice skirts and jumpers and listened to Terry Wogan in their smart cars (I did go to private school). My Dad took me to gigs and on to jazz clubs (even on a school night). I developed a love of classical music and ancient history in response. Dad told me recently that they were very worried when at 18 I didn’t want to go out. So yes, the way to ensure the Tyrannical Twinnage take up sensible jobs like accountancy or become vicars is to definitely put this plan into action! ?
Yikes, I didn’t mean to unsettle anyone! But what you say makes perfect sense. I hope that your parents have forgiven your rebellion. 🙂
I get the impression my 70 year old hippie Dad is mildly bemused by my work choices ?
But you made him that gorgeous crochet waistcoat so he can’t complain about you too much…
Believe it or not, I have seen Slipknot perform and what a spectacle! My then 13 year old son was desperate to see them at Leeds festival. I insisted he had a responsible adult with him. Only I volunteered. He agreed. We had a brilliant day out!
So I volunteer to be your roadie!
I tried to make my boys have long hair. It gave them something to rebel against. They insisted on going to the hairdressers regularly. I made a big fuss. No other need to rebel. Make your boys wear unmatching socks, and they can rebel harmlessly.
Really enjoyed this post!
PS. He is an accountant now!
I’m so impressed! I imagine that Slipknot was… interesting. And I like your thinking re. directing the direction that your sons’ rebellion took…
Oh my god–you had so much fun with this! I love ti all and want to be a band groupie . . .
Yup, you’re more than welcome!
But I listen to Slipknot (and the like – always have!) and knit and crochet (and spin!)… although it is getting harder and harder not to type slipknit instead of slipknot!
OK, maybe I shouldn’t have generalised about angry teenage boys! Slipknot and knitting/crochet/spinning sounds very cool.
Lol nah it is generally angsty teenagers who listen!
??
Oh! me like!
Thank you!
Ha ha…I loved it. Very clever…definitely made me smile. I love your writing style.
Loved this post. It’s all true. Reverse psychology works.
I hope it does, because I haven’t got any other parenting strategies up my sleeve…
I have conservative children that pay their taxes, vote and generally behave themselves. Exemplary adults apparently. They are rebelling against their parental role models. Make of that what you will ;).
See, it works!
We rest our case. See you at band practice. Do I need to bring both my alto and tenor cowbells?
Had to smile at your “tat” – my studio is referred to as a FROG – not because I do a lot of frogging [although I do], but because it’s over the garage, and FROG stands for Finished Room Over Garage.
LIKE it! The perfect name.
May I volunteer Mr Snail and his gazillion guitars? We have a deal – I can have as much yarn as I like as long as he can have as many guitars as he likes… oh and complicated things like a pedal board and a huge amp and all sorts of other stuff. He’s even got long hair although no tattoos as he’s prone to faint in the presence of any needle that isn’t used in association with knitting!
You most certainly may. Please tell him not to be late. He may be the only truly musical one amongst us…
I’ll tell him to bring some wine too!
Very funny post! 😀 I’m not an expert in the matter of murder (honest!) but I think a slipknot can also be used in the process of strangulation – could be why the band chose that name.
Ah, I hadn’t realized that. It makes more sense of the name…
Not sure about joining da band, both our children became more or less independent years ago, so no more need to rebel and embarrass them!
Mind you, I’m pretty certain da daughter moved out due to long term and fairly permanent embarrassment with me. We get on far better long distance.
I’m sure that the whole purpose of parents is to embarrass our children. 🙂
After forcing my kids to wear matched socks and ensure they matched their outfits, my 21 year old will now only wear mismatched socks, the more mismatched (style/color/maker) the better and my 18 year old now refuses to wear socks at all unless they are well hidden by boots. Both of which are kept in line by the fear of my doing something from the 70s and 80s that will embarrass them for life.
Keep up the good work!.
Tee hee, I love this!
Love the lyrics, and this sounds like a splendidly twisted plan.
Thank you.