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The (Very Very) Alternative How To Blog

December 20, 2015 by The Twisted Yarn 9 Comments

No! Don’t run away, non-bloggers! Because this is the alternative how-to-blog guide that’s just as relevant to readers as it is to writers. That weird lump you can see on my face is my tongue, firmly inserted into my cheek whilst I write. This is the blogging guide that you’ll never ever read on more serious how-to-blog sites, I promise. Also, I guarantee not to be able to tell you how to make millions from your blog. Sorry. Here, my fine fibrous friends, are the unexpected things that they don’t tell you when that fateful thought ‘Maybe I should start a blog’ pops into your head. (If you’ve just had that thought, go give it some serious consideration. Blogging is a whole hairy heap of time-sucking fun. It’s no exaggeration to say that it’s changed my life.) So here, in no particular order, is what they don’t tell you:-

  • Eventually, several months after you’ve been lulled into a false sense of security, some really unexpected person will say very sincerely, “I always read your blog, you know.” Oh dear. “Ha ha ha,” you’ll titter, as you momentarily panic and try to recall whether you recounted that anecdote about them on your site. This will happen several times, and will involve both your ultra-upstanding great-great-great-maiden-aunt-Mildred and also Sid, your radical punk anarchist vegan neighbour. You will realize that by bearing your soul online, it’s impossible to avoid mortally offending at least one of them. You will sigh and resign yourself to wrecked relationships all round. But hey, who needs real-life connections when you can add to your blogging stats?!
graph
your blogging stats
  • The Blogging Police is a thing. Stray too far into deceit, financial shadiness, or general obnoxiousness, and they’ll be on to you with more perspicacity than a toddler who knows you’ve hidden the chocolate. Their eyes are as sharp as their wit. Be ye afeared.

Image: West Midlands Police

  • So you like to photograph cool scenery for your blog? Yeah, me too. But you’ll only see any whilst you’re driving to work (late), and thus utterly unable to photograph it from the window of a moving vehicle. Those places where you can safely and legally stop? Pah, the view is rubbish.

Herefordshire countryside

  • When the universe dumps a blooper on your life, 90% of you sighs. But the other 10% thinks, “This’ll be brilliant for the blog.” Reference my running app shouting UNDERPANTS at Colin-the-postman. OK, I admit it, in that case it was more like 70% of me thinking BLOG-FODDER!
  • Call yourself a blogger, and you’re a narcissistic dabbler. Say that you run a website, and you’re a visionary entrepreneur.
  • And finally, no matter how vehemently you deny that you’ll ever become that blogger who opens every post with, “Sorry I haven’t posted for ages but I’ve been soooooooooooo busy,” one wet weekend day you’ll find yourself desperately tempted to type those very words. (I’ve only given in to that temptation once in 218 posts… so far.) One day, you’ll be so tempted to do this that you’ll have to take yourself down to the cellar and give yourself a thorough beating to remind yourself that the internet has probably coped reasonably well with your absence this past week. Really, you’re only apologizing to yourself. Unless you’re the Dalai Lama, folks won’t have been refreshing their browser every five seconds in anticipation of your latest wisdom. But if you are the Dalai Lama (or ‘Dalai Llama’ as my yarn-obsessed mind nearly typed), then you can probably get away with apologizing for being “such a baaad blogger coz I haven’t posted in, like, aaaaages. Totes soz!”

How to blog. ‘Tis easy, really.

And now, back to the knitting.

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Filed Under: Blogging Tagged With: alternative guide to blogging, blogging, blogging 101, blogspot, crochet, how to blog, knitting, Wordpress

« Time Travel
Christmas »

Comments

  1. Caroline Fox Betts says

    December 20, 2015 at 10:52 pm

    How did you make it snow?! Happy Christmas xxx I guess, in a small way, posting to facebook is blogging? I often think inappropriately, as you say, in the middle of some event, ‘I must post about this online!’

    Reply
  2. eclectichomelife.blogspot.com says

    December 21, 2015 at 6:22 am

    hysterical, but too true x

    Reply
  3. Kitchen-Counter-Culture says

    December 21, 2015 at 10:03 am

    You are really good! 🙂

    Reply
  4. Sharon says

    December 21, 2015 at 11:05 am

    Always enjoy your posts. Have a great Christmas with the Stoic Spouse, Twinnage and any/everyone else.

    BTW – first point, it’s ‘baring’ your soul, not ‘bearing’.

    I know, I’m a nitpicker. Totes soz!

    Reply
  5. The Basket Fairy says

    December 21, 2015 at 11:38 am

    Thank you for your insights, and especially for informing me about the blogging police. I really should be more careful…

    Reply
  6. E.C. says

    December 22, 2015 at 12:34 pm

    I agree with everything here. Thanks for sharing the bits of the blogging world that folks don’t generally consider.
    The truth about the perfect photo is spot-on. lol
    I’ve been guilty of the apologizing post too… I’ve tried to force myself not to do it… but oh well…

    Wishing you and your family a Merry Christmas!

    Reply
  7. narf77 says

    December 24, 2015 at 4:13 am

    I had a few heart stopping moments when I realised that my media lecturer could read my personal blog (linked to my school blog) and that I had recounted some rather unsavoury sentiments about his teaching methods and had to scurry back and alter the past, effectively saving the future as we know it today (well “MY” future as I know it today 😉 ). I figure if I piss someone off then they aren’t in my “target demographic”. I am lucky in that I don’t need or want to make money out of my blog. It’s just up so that I can vent and rail at the world from the safety and security of my computer chair and most of my elderly relatives either don’t read my blog or have moved to a position in an alternate universe where blog reading is apparently frowned on because they haven’t left comments in a while…

    I am a wee bit confused about the link related to blogging police. I can’t see any grammar/spelling Nazi’s there? Glad we are both “visionary entrepreneurs” now and the very BEST thing about self hosting is that I don’t have WordPress snow all over my site around about now. A good post without a snippet of crochet, knitting, tinsel, Christmas terror or even a hint of twinage or stoic spouse. I think you should get 10 blogging points for that alone! Have a fantastic Christmas Ms T. Hopefully the twinage haven’t dismantled the house due to boredom quite yet. It’s going to be 30C (86F) on Christmas Day for us. I plan on quaffing copious amounts of fruit laced rum punch and singing The Marseillaise incredibly loudly on repeat so that all of the neighbours can understand how very proud I am of my German heritage. Have a blast and catch you in 2016. 🙂

    Reply
  8. Born To Organize says

    December 26, 2015 at 1:00 am

    You are a fabulously entertaining writer. I enjoyed that immensely.

    Reply
  9. Jacquline Cappuccino says

    December 26, 2015 at 2:38 am

    Well, I have a new favorite forum to stalk! Thanks 😀

    Reply

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#placesyoucanknit #stylecraftyarns #stylecraftspecial #knitinpublic #knittinginpublic #knittingandwalking

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#placesyoucanknit #stylecraftyarns #stylecraftspecial #knitinpublic #knittinginpublic #knittingandwalking
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The steeks are cut and it's beginning to look a lot like a cardigan (apart from the lack of sleeves, collar, button bands, buttons, and a really thorough blocking, but what's a few details between friends?) I'm excited that the knitted reality is coming out pretty much how I hoped when I created the design. Feel free to laugh at my hubris when it all goes wrong tomorrow...
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#knittersofinsta #knitspo #knitspiration #garn #strikkedilla #strikke #virkning #knitwear #knitdesigner #novitaknits #nevernotknitting #Fairisle #fairislefriday #fairislecardigan #fairisleknitting #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting

The steeks are cut and it`s beginning to look a lot like a cardigan (apart from the lack of sleeves, collar, button bands, buttons, and a really thorough blocking, but what`s a few details between friends?) I`m excited that the knitted reality is coming out pretty much how I hoped when I created the design. Feel free to laugh at my hubris when it all goes wrong tomorrow...
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#knittersofinsta #knitspo #knitspiration #garn #strikkedilla #strikke #virkning #knitwear #knitdesigner #novitaknits #nevernotknitting #Fairisle #fairislefriday #fairislecardigan #fairisleknitting #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting
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A yoke is taking shape. Yarn by @novitaknits .
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#fairisleknitting #fairisle #fairisleknitting #jacquardknit #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #yoke #yokejumper #yokesweater #knittingtopdown

A yoke is taking shape. Yarn by @novitaknits .
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Jul 4

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Been a while since I posted some hospital knitting, but today I had a pre-op appointment for my post-cancer evening-up-the-boobs-so-I-don't-list-to-the-left-when-I-go-running surgery. @novitaknits

Been a while since I posted some hospital knitting, but today I had a pre-op appointment for my post-cancer evening-up-the-boobs-so-I-don`t-list-to-the-left-when-I-go-running surgery. @novitaknits ...

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Aug 15

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Met up with three very dear friends today. There was yarn. And gossip. And biscuits. @alicadabara @ruth_underdown @buttonspickles

Met up with three very dear friends today. There was yarn. And gossip. And biscuits. @alicadabara @ruth_underdown @buttonspickles ...

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thetwistedyarn

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May 2

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I finished designing a thing. @novitaknits yarns are lush. 🙂
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#strandedcolourwork #strandedknitting #strandedcolorwork #fairisletechniques #fairislefriday #fairisledesign #knitdesigner #knittingdesigner #nevernotknitting #novitaknits #novita #garn #strikkedilla #strikke #virkning #knitspo #knitspiration

I finished designing a thing. @novitaknits yarns are lush. 🙂
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#strandedcolourwork #strandedknitting #strandedcolorwork #fairisletechniques #fairislefriday #fairisledesign #knitdesigner #knittingdesigner #nevernotknitting #novitaknits #novita #garn #strikkedilla #strikke #virkning #knitspo #knitspiration
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thetwistedyarn

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Jul 30

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I've done walking-and-knitting plenty of times on here. Time for WALKING-AND-KITCHENER-STITCH! OK, I was only wandering round and round outdoors, not hiking up a mountain in a blizzard, but still. 
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#stylecraftyarns #stylecrafthighlandheathers #walkingandknitting #knittingandwalking #knitinpublic #knittinginpublic #strandedknitting #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #fairisle #fairisleknitting #garn #strikke #strikkedilla #strikstrikstrik #virkning #nevernotknitting #kitchenerstitch

I`ve done walking-and-knitting plenty of times on here. Time for WALKING-AND-KITCHENER-STITCH! OK, I was only wandering round and round outdoors, not hiking up a mountain in a blizzard, but still.
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#stylecraftyarns #stylecrafthighlandheathers #walkingandknitting #knittingandwalking #knitinpublic #knittinginpublic #strandedknitting #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #fairisle #fairisleknitting #garn #strikke #strikkedilla #strikstrikstrik #virkning #nevernotknitting #kitchenerstitch
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thetwistedyarn

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Aug 16

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It's not often that my activities here and on my @the.twisted.garden page overlap, but sometimes you just need to crochet a hammock for your squash.

It`s not often that my activities here and on my @the.twisted.garden page overlap, but sometimes you just need to crochet a hammock for your squash. ...

223 20

thetwistedyarn

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Apr 16

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Kittens sitting in the crocheted garden. By the way, someone pointed out that there's a fake account pretending to be me: it's at thetwistedyarn_  I can't view it because they've blocked me, but if any kind soul would be kind enough to report it, I'd be very grateful. Thank you, my Fine Fibrous Friends!

Kittens sitting in the crocheted garden. By the way, someone pointed out that there`s a fake account pretending to be me: it`s at thetwistedyarn_ I can`t view it because they`ve blocked me, but if any kind soul would be kind enough to report it, I`d be very grateful. Thank you, my Fine Fibrous Friends! ...

301 75

thetwistedyarn

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Jun 6

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There's a new-yesterday post at thetwistedyarn.com (or see link in bio). But just to respond to people's comments on the post, don't worry, I'm not injured or ill! I was just commenting on the universe's general propensity to cause trouble!
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#knittersofig #knittersofinstagram #knittersofinsta #knitspo #knitspiration #breaconbeacons #breaconbeaconsnationalpark #ilovewales

There`s a new-yesterday post at thetwistedyarn.com (or see link in bio). But just to respond to people`s comments on the post, don`t worry, I`m not injured or ill! I was just commenting on the universe`s general propensity to cause trouble!
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#knittersofig #knittersofinstagram #knittersofinsta #knitspo #knitspiration #breaconbeacons #breaconbeaconsnationalpark #ilovewales
...

127 4

thetwistedyarn

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Nov 10

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Haven't done a knitting-and-walking photo for a while, so here's a shot from walking the twinnage to school this morning. 
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#knittingandwalking #roosimine #roosimineknitting #knitinpublic #knittinginpublic #rowanfeltedtweed #estonianknitting #garn #strikkedilla #strikke #virkning

Haven`t done a knitting-and-walking photo for a while, so here`s a shot from walking the twinnage to school this morning.
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#knittingandwalking #roosimine #roosimineknitting #knitinpublic #knittinginpublic #rowanfeltedtweed #estonianknitting #garn #strikkedilla #strikke #virkning
...

208 3

thetwistedyarn

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Sep 18

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Half-way through the dragonfly motif on my Äkäslompolo cardigan. Speedy progress on knitting due to annoyingly slow progress on surgery recovery. Grrr....
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#strikke #strikstrikstrik #knittersofig #knitspo #knitspiration #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #fairislecardigan #fairisle #fairisleknitting #steek #steeking #novitaknits #novita #äkäslompolo #knitdesigner

Half-way through the dragonfly motif on my Äkäslompolo cardigan. Speedy progress on knitting due to annoyingly slow progress on surgery recovery. Grrr....
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#strikke #strikstrikstrik #knittersofig #knitspo #knitspiration #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #fairislecardigan #fairisle #fairisleknitting #steek #steeking #novitaknits #novita #äkäslompolo #knitdesigner
...

254 13

thetwistedyarn

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Feb 26

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Constellations! Plotting and planning for a new design. 
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#knitdesigner #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #knitspo #knitspiration #rowanfeltedtweed #fairisleknitting #fairisle #fairislefriday

Constellations! Plotting and planning for a new design.
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#knitdesigner #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #knitspo #knitspiration #rowanfeltedtweed #fairisleknitting #fairisle #fairislefriday
...

415 11

thetwistedyarn

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Nov 25

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There are SO MANY swatches needing knitting for the book. I reckon I can show you this one in progress, because only the reverse will be visible in the finished shot.
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#garn #strikke #strikkedilla #rowanfeltedtweed #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #fairisleknitting #fairislefriday #fairisle #knitdesigner #knittingdesigner #virkningsprojekt #virkning #nevernotknitting #knittingblogger #knitspo #knitspiration

There are SO MANY swatches needing knitting for the book. I reckon I can show you this one in progress, because only the reverse will be visible in the finished shot.
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#garn #strikke #strikkedilla #rowanfeltedtweed #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #fairisleknitting #fairislefriday #fairisle #knitdesigner #knittingdesigner #virkningsprojekt #virkning #nevernotknitting #knittingblogger #knitspo #knitspiration
...

662 15

thetwistedyarn

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Apr 23

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We popped down to the New Forest for the day. The twinnage loved it. There was, of course, some knitting. 
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#knittinginpublic #knittingandwalking #knitspo #knitspiration #novitaknits #strandedknitting #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #Fairisle #fairisleknitting #fairisledesign #fairislefriday #fairislecardigan #garn #strikkedilla #strikke #virkning

We popped down to the New Forest for the day. The twinnage loved it. There was, of course, some knitting.
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#knittinginpublic #knittingandwalking #knitspo #knitspiration #novitaknits #strandedknitting #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #Fairisle #fairisleknitting #fairisledesign #fairislefriday #fairislecardigan #garn #strikkedilla #strikke #virkning
...

272 4

thetwistedyarn

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Mar 5

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New blog post, right here: https://thetwistedyarn.com/2022/03/05/blue-and-yellow/

New blog post, right here: https://thetwistedyarn.com/2022/03/05/blue-and-yellow/ ...

174 4

thetwistedyarn

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Oct 26

Open
This is going to sound like a paid advert, but I swear that it's not. I've just stumbled across a website called @YarnSub and it's awesome! You can enter the name of any yarn and it'll give you the best possible substitutions with a % match score based on gauge, texture, fibre, etc. See https://yarnsub.com and enjoy!

This is going to sound like a paid advert, but I swear that it`s not. I`ve just stumbled across a website called @YarnSub and it`s awesome! You can enter the name of any yarn and it`ll give you the best possible substitutions with a % match score based on gauge, texture, fibre, etc. See https://yarnsub.com and enjoy! ...

168 18

thetwistedyarn

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Apr 26

Open
Decent weather for a run. Yes I do occasionally put my knitting down. The colours of this view are a statement, too.
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#running #freedomforukraine

Decent weather for a run. Yes I do occasionally put my knitting down. The colours of this view are a statement, too.
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#running #freedomforukraine
...

206 4
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