YES! THE LOVELY, YARNY GIVEAWAY IS STILL OPEN FOR JUST A FEW MORE DAYS! ENTER HERE!
Meanwhile, would you like to make some super-easy Christmas decorations? See the links under the photos throughout this post.
It has been brought to my attention by my children, as well as via the subtlest of hints on social media, that it’s nearly Christmas.
Now I realize that you and I may be sitting on opposite sides of the table regarding the matter, but personally I have a very strict routine for yuletide preparations. This comprises persistent denial – bordering on an ‘I’m too cool for all that’ attitude – until roughly the 15th December, followed by ten days of ‘AAAAARGH! PRESENTS! DECORATIONS! FOOD! CARDS! INVITATIONS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGH!’ hysteria, with precious time wasted as I try to extract a definitive answer from the Royal Mail about whether or not there’s any chance of them laying on a time-travelling postal service that will enable my Christmas cards to be delivered a week before they were actually sent, thus arriving at their destinations in time.
By about the 20th, I reach a peak state of OK, I CONCEDE THAT YOU WERE RIGHT, ALL YOU SUPER-EARLY CHRISTMAS-PREPPERS. I BOW TO YOUR WISDOM AND SHALL ATTEMPT TO COPY YOU IN FUTURE. But the pain of Christmas preparation – just like the pain of childbirth – is eventually forgotten, and thus the sorry process of my procrastination repeats itself the following year.
Truly, I’m trying to change, but I’m constitutionally incapable of beginning any deadline-dependent task until the very last possible moment, and I always underestimate how much time will be needed. In my head, writing down a task on a to-do list constitutes 90% of the work of actually completing it, despite this belief having been proven wrong on many, many occasions.
Fortunately, the Stoic Spouse is aware of my idiocy, and takes charge of the ahead-of-time tasks such as ordering the turkey, baking the Christmas cake, and telling the twinnage that no, Santa will not be able to bring either of them a live dinosaur, and no, it can’t possibly be true that George-at-school is getting a REAL LIVE T-REX AS A PET AND IT’S NOT FAIR THAT WE CAN’T HAVE ONE TOO, although if the Royal Mail does manage to establish a time-travelling delivery service then Mummy and Daddy might just reconsider the matter, but only if the twinnage both promise to eat up all of their brussels sprouts from now until the end of eternity.
Anyway.
It’s Christmas.
If you celebrate, I do hope that your preparations are going well. And if you haven’t started yet, do come and sit here beside me on the Naughty Bench.
Just in case you’re in the mood to knit or crochet some easy-to-make decorations, I’m scattering pictures and links to my free festive patterns throughout this post, just like Lego bricks sprinkled on a freshly-tidied sitting room floor. Don’t worry, you’ve got plenty of time to finish making them before the big day.*
Enjoy, and happy needling/hookery. If you need me, I’ll be under the table with a bottle of affordable-yet-astonishingly-quaffable red wine, frantically Googling ‘Last minute gifts for difficult-to-impress husbands’, even though that’s the sort of behaviour that leads to the delivery of twelve pairs of novelty festive underpants and a full-size didgeridoo, neither of which have recently been mentioned by the Stoic Spouse as items he is actively missing from his life. See? I never learn.
Merry Christmas! / Bah, Humbug! (Delete as appropriate.)
Phil x
*Oh wait, I’m probably not the best person to be giving you advice about that.
Thanks for the shares of Christmassy goodness xx
You’re very welcome (although I do fear that you might have seen them before, since you’ve been here for a while).
Oh dear, naughty bench for me. To be fair, I’ve *thought* quite a lot about Christmas recently, but there still seems to be so much to actually *DO*.
Yeah, but the thinking is a fair part of the effort, don’t you think, so you’re nearly there…
Only if the thinking actually translates into practical achievement at some point. Preferably in time for Christmas! It doesn’t appear to have done so yet. I’ve still got time, right?
Afraid I have to join you on the naughty bench…the tree is up. However, two major gifts must be made…the super-(okay, semi)-secret fantasy quilt top is going to be finished, as well as the stranded color-work mittens I’m knitting for my dad…I see some really late nights on the naughty bench…does anyone have time to throw together some cushions for our derrieres!?!
Yeah, I’m sure we can whip up some cushions in time (says me, over-optimistically, despite not having begun to crochet the digger that one of my sons has asked for).
This naughty bench is getting very crowded. Maybe we should all adjourn to the naughty sofa instead – much more comfortable.
Brilliant post, I love the way you shared the patterns too, the lego brick analogy is a good one!
And thank you for such kind words. 🙂
This post really made me laugh, thank you!
We are painting and haven’t set up a thing yet..eek..haha..but i think i am done shopping..almost.. 😉
Good luck!!
Done shopping?! Wow, I’m in awe. Could you, um, maybe consider doing mine for me??
Another bench-mate here. Although I have my list written down it doesn’t look like Christmas around here. Where are the elves when you need them?
Loved your post and need the motivation!
Thank you for your kind words, and you’re more than welcome here on the naughty bench. We have wine…
At least your Christmas decorations are done!
Hmm, still need a tree, though…
Christmas? You mean Christmas is coming….again already? Have fun – under the table..
Apparently so! Who knew?! You heard it here first, folks…
🙂 🙂 🙂
I’m with Gallivanta above in that I’m only just getting used to the idea that it’s actually December already and that Christmas is nearly here AGAIN!
Please save me a seat on the naughty bench and I’ll bring a couple of bottles of alcohol to share (mine’s a chocolate Bailey’s straight from the fridge thanks.)
Festive greetings winging their way to you. x
Excellent, you’re very welcome! That said, the naughty bench is getting a tad crowded…
I think you can be excused for procrastinating when you’ve made such wonderful decorations!
Thank you!
You’ve just given the best gift of all ….. Joy and laughter!
Thank you for such a generous comment.
Doesn’t look like Christmas around here. Except on my dining table. My Thanksgiving decorations are still up.
They’ll do for Christmas, surely? Round here, we haven’t had any proper celebratory occasions since Easter, so some serious effort is needed…
Not a trimming in sight and no shopping done yet. I’m trying not to think about it. Naughty bench? Perhaps we should hire Sheffield Arena!
Ummmm…… exactly how much room do you have left on the naughty bench? Because I’m so behind I might take up two people’s worth of bench space! If there’s room left let me know, please…… although I’m gonna skip the wine and go straight for the bottle of whiskey. I’ll bring cheese and crackers, okay?
I quit decorating the outside of the house the first year I lived alone after kids gone. Eliminating need to put away same. Now I put a few things out week before Christmas inside and put away day after New Year giving me much more time to do the things I procrastinate against doing. And I STILL get done Christmas Eve. soooo. It’s a really big fun club
It’s nine months and a week until next Christmas. I still have green and red yarn out from making Christmas gifts, so will get started on a yarn chain. (Yes, all were done on time except for the scarf for a neighbor who coveted the ones I gave my family so I made him one too.)