Here at Twisted Towers, we like to help you prepare for all sorts of predicaments.
Possibly, this urge is the result of my upbringing by the Twisted Seniors, who insisted that I master two life skills before my childhood could be considered complete. (They’re forward-thinking people, my parents.) Specifically, my mother taught me to remove my bra whilst still wearing my top, and my father taught me to gargle the William Tell Overture. Yeah, there was also half-hearted reference to other stuff about riding a bike, rewiring a plug, and saying no to drugs, but it was mostly about the musical gargling and the bra-removal.
I can only assume that when my mother first realized she was pregnant, she sat down with my father for an earnest conversation about their shared values, and about the sort of human being they intended to contribute to this world. “No child of mine,” my father doubtless insisted, thumping his fist on the table,* “will leave this house without being able to offer comedy renditions of Rossini’s operatic works”. (My father is a man of principle.) And so at a young age, I was taught to gargle William Tell.
Yes, I do still retain both of these life skills.
No, I will not be offering any public demonstrations.
Yes, I can also ride a bike, rewire a plug, and say no to drugs, if necessary all at the same time.
Anyway, back to the matter of this post, and to preparing for unanticipated predicaments. I do sometimes – not all the time, but sometimes – worry about how dreadful it would be if you were to look up from your knitting/crochet and decide that the mantelpiece/shelves/prison-bars (delete as appropriate) in front of you were looking a bit too dull. Because I’ve been there and I’ve done that and it’s Not Good. So just in case it helps you out a tiny bit, I’ve written a pattern for some little crocheted Moroccan-inspired lanterns that you can hang in a line across your hearth/bookcase/cell, and thus make the place a tad cheerier. They’re quick and easy to make, but I now have a houseful of the wretched things as I went through a gazillion prototypes before arriving at the final version.
Talking of the work that went in to creating this design, in the interests of ruthlessly exploitative capitalism I do need to levy a small charge for the pattern (£0.96), because y’know the multi-billion-pound yacht of my unrealistic fantasies ain’t going to commission itself. But if you NEED this pattern and you’re seriously short of pennies (or you’re incarcerated in the aforementioned prison cell after a series of ill-advised life-choices, and find yourself using your limited financial resources to pay off the resident hard-nut on your wing), then drop me a line and I’ll send you the pattern for free. Because I’d hate to think of anyone needlessy suffering a bare mantelpiece this Christmas.
The lanterns are quick to make, and you can add a hint of flames inside using sparkly yarn. This may not be perfectly realistic, but it is 100% less likely to burn your house down than real fire.
The yarn is DK-weight Stylecraft Special, so these lanterns are affordable as well as easy to create. Fancy ordering the pattern? It’s available from my Ravelry shop (yes I know that some of you aren’t on Ravelry), and the link is here: Or you can visit my Ravelry shop here, to find a mixture of knitting and crochet patterns, most of which are free. 🙂 Happy hooking, people!