It’s good to be home.
The NHS has done its wonderful best, and the first surgery went OK, I think, although I can’t comment because I wasn’t really there. A chunky cancerous lump was ripped from its moorings and taken away to be frowned at, or fed to the crocodiles, or exorcised, or whatever it is that they do with these things. (Look, I’m a clinical psychologist – I don’t deal with the physical stuff so I don’t know, OK?)
I’m home and I have yarn, and I’ve spent the last few days lounging on the garden bench in the sunshine watching dragonflies have airborne sex, and pretending to myself that it’s still summer whilst next door’s bullace tree throws warning shots of autumn at me in the form of yellowing leaves. Every time I begin to doze off, another leaf lands surprisingly noisily on my ear/nose/drink/book.
I think I’m doing OK, although the fact that two red kites are circling above me, clearly anticipating carrion, suggests that they think otherwise.
The bad news is that it’s now several weeks since I last saw Robyn-the-robin. (I know, I know, she’s the only reason you visit this blog.) Whilst she might have migrated just like she did last year, I’m not feeling optimistic. She’s not a young bird, and the last few times I saw her, she had some nasty tick bites on her head. It’s a cruel world out there.
The last time I saw her, I told her that I loved her. She ignored me and carried on eating her mealworms. But I just had a gut feeling that I might not see her again. If this really is the end, I shall miss her very, very much.
Meanwhile, I’ve been doing very little of anything. It’s a rare luxury to lounge here guilt-free – not that I’m advocating cancer as a way of getting out of washing the dishes, you understand (well, not unless you really really hate washing the dishes). But it’s been an interesting experience to just sprawl on this bench, dozing intermittently and occasionally wondering what day it is.
I haven’t even been doing much knitting. The one thing I have been pushing myself to do is walking. On day one post-surgery I walked one mile – very slowly and in a public place, just in case of any bodily failures. On day two I managed two miles, and then three miles on day three and four miles yesterday, which was day four. The mathematical geniuses amongst you will have spotted a pattern emerging here. The practical geniuses amongst you will have realized that this pattern cannot be continued indefinitely. (Day thirty-two post surgery, and Twisted sets her alarm for 4.30am in order to be sure of completing the day’s walk…)
But most importantly, thank you, you far too lovely lot, for all of your comments and messages and encouragement. There’ll be yucky treatment and probably more surgery in my near future, but in the meantime, I’ll do my best to get back to the knitting.
daisy (margaret lerner) says
dear Phil,
so glad that you made it through surgery successfully … hope your recovery continues well … i’m still praying for you daukt,
best regards,
daisy/margaret
The Twisted Yarn says
Thank you. I don’t deserve such kindness, but thank you anyway.
Melissa says
Hello Twisted, long time lurker here but I’ve never posted before. When I read your post about your diagnosis, it really touched me, and I feel like I need to let you know. It’s made me realise how much I appreciate your blogs landing in my inbox! It’s like a little ocean of calm in what has been a truly horrid year. I have a 4 year old with me at home, but I lost our second baby this April at 19 weeks (also called Robin, actually), as well as my 2 remaining grandparents in April and May. Reading your posts were one of the first times that I found myself smiling again, remembering that there is still peace and calm and beauty in the world. I just want to say thank you for that, and that I’m thinking of you lots and wishing you a speedy and simple recovery. Thank you for sharing your beautiful photos- they mean a lot ???? I hope that someone manages to make you smile in the way that you have done for me. Take care x
The Twisted Yarn says
Oh my goodness Melissa, I’m so sorry to read about the pain that you’ve endured. To lose a baby so late… and two grandparents… I’m sorry. The fact that you’re still there putting one foot in front of the other is impressive, and puts my own tiny woes into perspective. You can do this. May your four-year-old laugh every single day and, when you’re ready and if it’s what you want, may you bring another loved child into this crazy world.
Melissa says
❤️ You’re a darling. keep well x
The Twisted Yarn says
You too.
anne spencer says
Well done, you amazing person, you! As a post surgical recovery nurse (and having been under the knife myself), I know how bone-dredgingly tiring surgery and general anaesthetics are. Well done indeed to you. Keep up the good work. Like I said before…you got this. Told you so..just saying
The Twisted Yarn says
Hi Anne, That must be even harder going under the knife when you know far too much! But thank you. I hope you’re right! Px
Kathy says
Soak up your relax time and enjoy. ???? So pleased your surgery went well and that your sense of humour remains intact!
The Twisted Yarn says
Thank you. If I lose my dodgy sense of humour then I’m probably clinically dead.
Janet Morton says
Keep lounging in the sun amidst the fluttering leaves with your knitting and your camera by your side – just in case Robyn returns. So many of us will be hoping that you have a quick recovery from the surgery and that future treatment isn’t too arduous. I really enjoy your blogs, photos and knitting and wish I could do something for you in return.
The Twisted Yarn says
Thank you so much. (And the fact that you read here and have commented is MORE than enough in return.)
theknittingmagpie says
Well lovely you’re doing great. If Robin has gone to that big nest in the sky she was very spoilt whilst visiting this mortal world. I must stop skim reading, as I started your post I thought you were having airborne sex – at 3/7 pist op………. xxx
theknittingmagpie says
**post op*** ( although if having airborne sex possibly pist too)!
The Twisted Yarn says
@theknittingmagpie thank you for making me giggle!
theknittingmagpie says
Anytime. ????
wheelybad says
You do take some incredible photos. If this was Robyn’s last season then you can be assured you helped her feed herself and any young she had. So glad you’ve fared well post-surgery. Watching the world go by is great in the short term, it gets very boring in the long term! My sparrows are still very bossy… Caught a couple of pics of a sparrowhawk landing on the fence looking for an easy lunch last week. Enjoy the last few days of summer everyone and all the best for your ongoing recovery Twisted x
Geeha says
So glad to hear your fitness is helping you. The problem with loving animals and birds is that their lifespan is so short, but her children live on and may befriend you. My mother had generations of robins feeding from her hand. Dragonflies are dinosaur contemporaries and loved by our family, very dramatic and fierce hunters. Wishing you all the best for the weeks ahead.
Tineke says
Oh girl, you do so well. We’re almost operated the same time. No walking for me alas but in the near future I will hopscotch to my river! I am spoiled too, I love it if I can eat a meal made by someone else. I am proud of your resilience and wit. I live here almost 7 year and my Robin still bugs the cats, bringing up little Robins is a feisty task. I read somewhere 13 years old was the oldest Robin ever. I always believe in gut feeling though, and that animals feel out love. Big big hug, dear.
sp00kyp says
Dear Phil
Sending much love and woolly hugs for a speedy recovery and hassle free future treatments.
I think you are a true hero to many people – both within your Twisted Yarnery universe and your own green and fabulous Robyn-esque private world. We think of you often, and are with you in spirit in a totally non-creepy way.
Bless you for taking the time out to let us know how you are xx
Sabine Neuhaus says
Dear Phil,
it’s amazing to see you ploughing on, enjoying the wonders, that surround you, doing the things that make life worth living, granting yourself the time to rest and finding the time and strength to stay in contact with us.Thank you for your openness!
I’ll go on sending you strength and energy to get well soon!
All the best
Sabine
Julie says
I’m so pleased for you. I’ve been thinking about you and sending positive and calming thoughts. So glad you are being nice to yourself. You deserve the best.
That dragonfly is equisite! What beautiful markings.
If Robyn can’t return, maybe one of her daughter’s might remember her childhood home? I hope they both do.
Best wishes to you, you brave lady, and thanks for posting to us all so soon.
Bennie-Ruth Dean says
You enrich our world by being with us and give more than you take. Thank you so much! Glad you are home and mending!
Be well,
B-R
Susan says
First time for me posting here altho I’ve been a reader for some time. I hope that you make a good recovery, other posters are far more eloquent than I, but I share their sentiment. You’ve brought me a lot of joy reading your blog and I’ve enjoyed seeing little Robyn, and I hope she makes it back to you. Take care and I wish you well.
Debbie says
Thank you so much for letting us know you are home again, and doing well enough to enjoy a spot of autumn leaf tea outside while waiting for your Robyn. It’s good to have seasonal changes – it means the weather is never boring and so gives us something to chat about with strangers. 🙂 Although, if the stranger is a knitter, who needs weather for a subject? Thank you for the dragonfly photos – they’re really wonderful, especially since they help reduce the mosquito population (besides being quite beautiful and sparkly in the sun – sparkly is always good – I think….) Wishing you a continuing speedy recovery,
Debbie, in Canada
Joanne Grace Hortensius says
So glad to read this post and hear that you are doing so well post surgery. Keep walking (but don’t overdo it!!) and relaxing. Love, positive thoughts, and prayers from me!!
Julie Brown says
Well done on getting through the first round. What would we do without our wonderful NHS? Congratulations on such a positive attitude, I wish you all the best. Keep up the walking, so good for you. Looking forward to hearing how far you get! Best wishes. Julie
Teresa says
So glad you are feeling up to napping in the garden. Round one goes to the woman with the knitting needles. I think crocodiles are mean enough without feeding them The Mean Ugly. Thanks for updating us in your cyber world. I truly hope the twinage are understanding what is happening. I’m sure they want to feed you and fuss over you, but, hey that’s your department anyway. Your pictures of the dragonfly are incredible. I hope your Robyn returns but if not you have happy memories and lots of pictures to help you remember.
Kay says
Have just found you lovely blog. I wish you well
Best wishes kay
ailsabusby says
You are amazing!! I hope that your recovery is straight forward and swift. Allow yourself to heal in the mellow autumn sunshine and enjoy your walks. The NHS is there doing what it does best, being the best for all of us when we need it. Best wishes
Jayne says
Thank you for your post ,so good to hear from you, but look after yourself don’t do too much. Take care we will be here when you’re better xx
Jackie Webb says
Hi Phil so pleased to hear that you are home and doing well. We are at the caravan at present and it’s daddy long legs season. I went out onto the deck this morning and a whole cloud of them rose up to greet me. Enjoy the sunshine and rest.
Jane says
Welcome back! So glad the first bit is safely over. I hope you’re being as kind to yourself as you were to Robyn.
Ms Sue says
So glad to hear about your progress and know all went as well as it can when they cut on you. Enjoy your rest and relaxation, for with twinage, a book in process, and normal life, you need it. It is a nice time of year to take a break. It seems like everything is slowing down in the fall.
I am a 6 year breast cancer survivor and from experience can say, stay with the exercise. I’m a little older, but made a mistake by not pushing myself to stay active when I had chemo (a real bummer) and radiation (it was not bad at all). My muscles just decided to waste away to nothing and it is hard to get them back into good working order at my age. I am still working on that. it would have been a lot easier (and a lot healthier too) to not have let myself sit around for a whole year.
Thinking of you and remembering you and yours in my prayers.
Susan says
I’m glad you’re getting to enjoy some quiet time in the sunshine. (I swear that sunlight is healing to the spirit!) Perhaps a beer mat could be repurposed as a drink cover, to reduce the fiber content in your glass? Robyn’s absence is sad news. Thank you for sharing her feisty presence with us!
Julie says
Isn’t it weird lollygaging about with no guilt? Lap it up.
Go easy on the walking…I guess “sorry I can’t come for a hospital appt I am walking” won’t wash…
Claire says
So glad to hear that you’re home from hospital and being well cared for.
I know what you mean about Robyn, I worry so much about the regular visitors to my garden and whether they’re safe. As others have already said, even if Robyn doesn’t return you have helped her to raise a number of young who all have a chance to live on and that’s really something to be proud of.
Keep going Phil, we’ll be right there with you sending our very best wishes.
Lorna says
Thinking of you and sending big virtual hug 🙂
Also thinking of you as a robin is fighting with itself in my car wing mirror and pooping all down the side of my car! xx
Barbara H says
So glad that you are recovering and relaxing and healing. I’ve been thinking of you (as many many have been) and now we see that you are doin’ fine! Stay well.
Mary says
Keep your pecker up dear Phil x your Robyn will return xx virtual hugs from Mary
Sarah Lloyd says
Sending you love ???? and light ???????? and every good wish for your ongoing treatment ???? I think of you often and I hope that our collective thoughts will support you and help you through ????????????????????
Lori says
May your strength continue to increase, And may your creativity and your voice continue to blossom. Take good care.
jeaniemaier141gmailcom says
Of course, still thinking of you and still concerned for you.
Tiggy Greenwood says
Wow! Long walks already. How I envy you! Remember, though, that rest also heals. Wishing you well and healthy soon.
Zoe says
Oh, I do hope Robyn is okay. Very glad that you’re doing okay after your first surgery. Gentle hugs from across the pond.
Kib says
All the best as you recover. I had my gall bladder out last October and went walking the next day (and every day since) and I feel there’s no better tonic.
Ally says
I’m so pleased you took the time to update us on your progress – there are so many people going through this with you in spirit and worrying etc for you, so you don’t have to do that. We will get through this. I’m guessing it’s easier to face the next treatment knowing the brute has been removed and that bit of surgery is over.
Isn’t nature selfish with Robyn doing Robyn things (in whatever sphere) just when you could be doing with her company. If she has ‘moved on’ it’s because she was safe and nurtured and able to do so. Stock up on the worms anyway…. Our garden is empty of birds for now, but I think they’re out clearing the hedgerows of berries. Sending you happy thoughts from Ireland
Elizabeth Buxton says
I’m so glad you are home and this part is over. Take care of yourself.
If Robyn the robin sadly does not return, perhaps her offspring will.
All good wishes,
Liz B.
DerMuge says
Oh Phil .. it’s SO GOOD to see you there in my Inbox, and then in my eyes as your words apply balm to my tough old soul (yes, I think one has a soul even though I don’t think there is a god: it’s all a matter of subjective definition) .. I’m having the devil of a time with changing from one blog to another – a totally new one – and the email i.d. associated; so I must needs say that this is me, your ancient fan from Downunder, M.R. Even as i write there is a bar below with italic stripes moving l. to r., endlessly .. “Connecting to WordPress.com”
Your personal health crisis, being itself a cause for grieving, is exacerbated by the probable departure of Robyn; and to that has to be added these times of terrible novelty – the over-arching strangeness of 2020. Mein gott, woman ! – your humour is the saving of us all ! 🙂
I hope your lovely husband and the twinnage are able to deal with the knowledge of what has happened so far and what is yet to be done to you with whatever equanimity there is to spare in your super household.
I hope Robyn comes back.
I hope you never change from the slightly batty and utterly delightful young woman you are.
I hope for everything you hope for.
XXXOXO
HelenS says
Hello! I’ve never commented here before so I’m just dropping in to wish you all the best in your recovery and future treatments, and thank you for sharing your blog with the world. Particularly the knitting and nature parts, but overall your unique view on the world.
arlingwoman says
Oh goodness. I’ve been reading less than usual for a while and saw this and thought I’d better catch up and wish you well. I’m glad you can relax and rest in spite of the twins and hope you continue healing at the perfect pace. I hope Robyn surprises you and returns, but mostly I hoe you heal up and get better.
Sharon says
You know, Phyl, if your career as a budding knit designer doesn’t come to a second book, you could always do Nature photography. Those shots of the dragonfly are magnificent.
Congratulations on surviving and having time to lounge.
Mary Ayling says
Dear Twisted, we all love you so much because you make us realize what is important to us in life. Caring for each other and sharing our skills and learning and being humble, and loving birds and the country side where we live.
Diane says
Thank you for writing. I’m so glad you’re home and resting. Keep up the good work.
Denise Fischer says
I’m amazed that you have the energy & desire to post on this blog after your surgery. I, too, had breast cancer, in about the same spot as your litlle knit invader. It’s really scary at first and all you can usually think about is “Get it out! Get it out!” I promise you, it will get better. You will still be concerned at your follow-ups but gradually things will return to a new normal. I wish you many cancer-free years and send you warm hugs to work through this. Mine was 15 years ago with no recurrance (so far) and I wish even better for you.
Jenny Brown says
Great to hear from you, Phil, and so pleased that all went to plan last week. I’m most impressed by your walking prowess! Keep it going – though do listen to your body and rest when it shouts “Enough!”. I hope that everything goes boringly well over the coming weeks. We’ll all be thinking of you and urging you on. x
Jane Sturgeon says
<3 Phil <3
Debbie MacKenzie says
Thinking of you with sunshine on your face❤️
Elinor Halliday says
So glad to hear you’re already well enough to walk miles! How sad about Robyn, I’ve enjoyed hearing what she’s been up to. My mum has a robin that eats from her hand and occasionally flies into her kitchen so I’ve been telling her about yours. Maybe she’ll turn up in the spring and surprise you. Keep hoping and smiling xxx
Roslyn says
Hello, I just wanted to comment to say that I love reading your blog. You have such an engaging writing style!
My mother and one sister (out of 7!) have had breast cancer and beat it. Best wishes through your journey as you too slay this beast!
ReginaMary says
I think you look wonderful! Prayers for continued health.
Phil says
All best wishes for your continued recovery and thanks for sharing your work they are always so inspiring. Xx
oleander1957 says
sending you lots of love and healing thoughts. beautiful dragonfly pics
pomegranateandchintz says
So glad you’ve made it through the surgery and that you’re taking it easy. Fingers crossed that the next steps aren’t too gruesome. Enjoy the relaxation while you can and hope Robin turns up safe and well. Take care.