Hello, my Fine Fibrous Friends.
As so often happens on this page, the story told by the words will likely weave in and out of the story told by the pictures, because different bits of life are best told via different media.
At long last, it’s done. After several postponements I’ve had the surgery to even things up bosom-wise post-cancer. (I’ve always been left-leaning politically, but wasn’t keen to match that anatomically.) The surgeon who rocked up super-enthusiastically with his marker pen to draw dotted lines on the relevant chunk of my body wasn’t the surgeon that I’d been expecting and I’d never met this chap before. But as my mother explained when she was treated for the same cancer at the same age, you soon become blasé about whipping your bra off for any clinician who asks – and my mother is otherwise the most private, dignified, person you could imagine. She’s right, though. I removed my bra and let the boob-doodler get to work with his tape measure and his Sharpie. He did at least put a large X on the other breast, just to make sure that he didn’t accidentally chop the wrong mammary gland. We had a laugh about that.
And then the surgery was done and I was waking up extremely sore, which seemed like a personal failure because I could hear other people on the ward saying that they felt GREAT and had ALMOST NO PAIN AT ALL. A kind nurse indulged my nonsense and supplied both painkillers and green tea, which happened to be the two things that I craved most in the world right then. Thank you, kind nurse.
I’m home and recovering, now. It’s been a much slower, harder, recovery than last time. I’d been hoping to return to work next week but have just cancelled all my patients because that so ain’t happening. For the first week, I had to wear a wound-vacuuming machine thingy. It comes with a clip to attach to your belt… but I rarely wear a belt. On the day of surgery I was wearing a dress with precisely nothing to use for attaching said device. Just like the sling I crocheted for the squash in the picture above, I got the crochet hook out again and dealt with the problem in the same way:-
So I’m trying to heal. Mostly, I’ve been either walking (six miles per day) or sleeping. Here’s today’s walk. As you can see, my legs are four metres long. Must be another side-effect of the surgery…
It’s only in the past couple of days or so that I’ve felt like knitting. Yeah, it’s been THAT bad. The thing that I really can’t do is take care of my crops properly. After alarming record-breaking heat and a drought, we’re on a hosepipe ban which means that I really can’t water the garden, because a full watering can is way beyond what I’m allowed to lift, whilst a hosepipe is against the law. The poor climbing squash have had to fend for themselves as best they can, hence the withered sub-fruit visible at the top of this arch:-
But the grape harvest is looking promising. Nearly ready…
I’m trying to concentrate on crops that can be stored without using electricity, such as onions, winter squash, and these dried beans. On the top are delicious Greek Gigantes, and on the bottom are child-friendly tiny little Hungarian Rice Beans. Yum.
It’s difficult to accept that I’m not keeping up with the food-growing stuff, especially since I’m late in sowing seeds for over-wintering foody crops. But I’m not allowed to lift anything much weightier than a feather, and the problem with gardening is that it is pretty much relentlessly heavy. Home-grown dinner will have to wait. For now, I can focus on pondering future knitting designs, guilt-free. Every cloud…
Lovely to hear from you, as always. Do take care not to overdo things. The work can wait!!
Thank you. I know you’re right, but it’s frustrating not being able to do stuff!
Thanks for a great post. I love your sense of humor.
And I love your kind comment – thank you!
Phil, get yourself better first and foremost, the veg/fruit can be thought about next season. xx
You’re right, I know. And yet…
There will be other years for taking care of the veg. What about the rest of the family, can they help? Wishing you a speedy recovery but as you say in the meantime there all those knitting designs.
Thank you. I don’t want to lean too heavily on the family. The twinnage have just last week begun secondary school which is a huge transition, and the Stoic Spouse is as ever super-busy. The Twisted Seniors have visited to do some watering a couple of times which was deeply appreciated.
And yeah, being unable to do much except knit isn’t TOO bad!!
Just found you by chance. Delightful. Thank you for sharing so honestly and with such hood humour.
Wishing you swift healing and good knitting.
Jan, thank you so much. You’re very kind. Also you’re very welcome here and I hope that you’ll stick around.
I know what you mean about evening things up. I did that too and in the long run, I’m glad that it’s over. Enough surgery to last a lifetime. I hope your results are wonderful and that’s the end of it! Bravo for being over it.
As to knitting, well, it’s always there waiting for you. When I look on Ravelry to see my project queue, I know I’ll run out of time before I run out of yarn! So much to look forward to.
Your garden efforts look very satisfactory and glad they are producing for you. Have done that before but now garden is smaller and not the right exposure for many veggies, though I do have some killer tomato plants. Don’t stand too close or they’ll grow over you!
Looking forward to the sweater pattern that you designed for the Finnish yarn company. It looks like a wonderful pattern and a colorwork challenge.
Keep knitting!
Peggi
Thank you Peggi. And I’m glad that your own problematic-boob journey is well behind you.
Killer tomato plants, you say? That sounds like a good thing! Enjoy.
I’ll publish the cardigan pattern on my Ravelry page in a couple of months’ time, and the dress pattern a few months after that.
Sending speedy recovery wishes 💕
Thank you. Seriously, thank you. Much appreciated.
Wishing you well in these days – enjoy planning new projects 😊
Thanks. And yes, it’s very nice to have a cast iron excuse to focus on the knitting!
Glad you are on the mend. Take care.
Thank you. And also, thank you!
Thank you for keeping your followers posted on your progress. It’s always a pleasure to see one of your blogs in my inbox. I’m sorry it’s been a rough time for you—but your vegetables look lovely on spit of the enforced semi-neglect. As others have told you, don’t overdo. I’ll look forward to your next post.
Thank you so much for all the warmth and kindness in your comment. The veg are more resilient than I deserve, so I really shouldn’t complain.
I wish I could give you a hand in the garden, Phil! It’s a bit far as I’m in Canada, but I hope some other helper comes along – and do feel better sooooooooooooon!
Ha, thank you so much! But honestly, you can’t even be bothered to cross the entire planet to labour for a complete stranger?! Honestly, some people… (I hope it’s abundantly obvious that I’m joking here. I appreciate your kind thoughts.)
Please give yourself plenty of time to recover. It was great to hear everything went well.
Thank you. But yeah, it’s a little guilt-inducing to lounge on the sofa and let everyone around me do all the work. Despite the fact that I’d be saying what you’re saying to anyone else in the same situation.
Wishing you all the best as you heal!! Thank you for bringing this bright ray of an update to my inbox!!
And thank YOU for such kind thoughts and words. Much appreciated.
Care for number one: that’s YOU!! You’re a wife and mother besides all else – and, trust me, your devoted fans will still be here. My precious daughter underwent similar surgery and I wish I could send the photos she provided for me to see…but, no – Just know that all will be well and we’ll all celebrate with you soon.
Oh yikes, I hope so much that your dear daughter has recovered perfectly and is super-busy getting on with her life.
Also, thank you for your generous words.
Speedy healing, Phil. Don’t you dare go lifting anything. Get better first!
As always, thank you for lovely words. It’s very hard not to lift anything, though…
Let your body heal slowly, don’t feel guilty for not being able to do everything. Your humour and positivity are a great inspiration for many of us – thank you for sharing and entertaining us even when you aren’t in tiptop condition!
And thank you for such a generous comment. It is hard not to feel guilty, though…
❤❤❤
Right back at ya!
Always enjoy your posts! Do take it easy, the world and plants can wait.
Heal well and quickly
I know, and yet…
But thank you. Thank you very much.
Take care my dear. 😘
Thank you, yet again.
I hope that by the time you read this, your sling is no longer needed. Which reminds me…I remember when we used to call bras Over the Shoulder Boulder Holders (for those who never heard that.)
HA HA, oh I TOTALLY remember that name for bras. Thanks for giving me a nostalgic giggle.
So happy to hear that you got your surgery, that it went well, and that you are on your way to full recovery. That, right there, is a big deal! Give yourself time, all the time you need — if the garden dies due to lack of attention this year, it will become compost for next year’s garden. I try to concentrate on what I can do and don’t think about what I can’t — helps keep me sane, especially when my list is long. The order of the 600,000 things on your list just got rearranged. Relax, go with the flow, and enjoy each life-affirming moment. So happy that you’re here, spreading your own particular kind of joy, and healthy. It’s the little things that count, yes?
You are wise. Seriously. Especially about the compost. Nothing in the garden need ever be waste, right? Thank you for sharing your rare wisdom and kindness.
I was beginning to think it would never happen, the evening-up surgery. Bet you were too, Phil.
So glad it’s done and dusted; but so sorry you’re in pain. Are you on continuing pain-killers ? – and if so, are you also taking lots of fibre ? ;D
I do comprehend that your garden foods must be suffering from the drought, so the family will be suffering commensurately. And you will be suffering additionally because of not being able to do what you can to protect the growing .. What a mess climate change makes of our lives !! – and we’ve only just begun. 🙁
Love dem beans !!
Phil, under no circ.s are you to over-extend yourself – IT IS VERBOTEN, OK ??? Take care; stay safe; and every other polite cliché associated with good health.
We all love you.
Oh, your comments always make me smile so very much. Yet again, thank you. (But a grim ‘yes’ regarding climate change. Sigh.) I’m at the sore-but-no-longer-needing-painkillers stage, so that’s progress. And yes to fibre, because I pretty much just munch on the garden.
Oh, of course ! – another blessing from growing one’s own food !
Absolutely!
This year the fruits of your labour are going to go to your animal friends, and they thank you kindly. So it all goes to a good cause. Now sit back and enjoy watching the feast. Feel better soon
Thank you. Very seriously, thank you.
Wish you happy and speedy healing, and tons of inspiration for your next knitting project! xx
All very VERY gratefully received, thank you.
Painkillers sometimes are a godsend! Hope you get well soon. And let’s hope for rain too. A million hugs!
True. I did use them when I needed them, but now I’m just at the annoyingly sore stage. Sigh. And yes, PLEASE MORE RAIN!
Good to hear another step is over. Relax into the knitting!
Thank you so much. And yes, I’m absolutely here for the guilt-free knitting.
Even after boob lopping you have the words to make folk laugh 💞 Get the twinnage to water the crop. Twice the child means twice the watering can 😄 Wishing you a supersonicly speedy recovery. Sending love xxx
I know, I know, but I’ve been very lenient with them because they started secondary school last week and I wanted everything to go well for them in this enormous transition. But yeah, I should probably send them outside with a couple of watering cans.
I’m with Spoox… put those young gents to work, they can lug a water jug, and harvest what needs picking. Take it easy dear lady, and heal those boobies.
You’re right, I know. My possibly-flawed reasoning has been that they started secondary school last week which has been an ENORMOUS transition, and I wanted everything to go smoothly for that so I haven’t been putting too many demands on them. But yes, you’re wise.
I would send you rain if I could only figure out how to convince Fed Ex to deliver it overnight for free. Another weekend with buckets of rain. I need to pick tomatoes and can or freeze them but I hate working in a cold rain. My job only allows weekend garden time. My poor hubby will be picking more tomatoes if the rain ever lets up! Yes, your boys can help. And you can sit, knit and not micro-manage. Put your head into helping your body heal. I’m sending positive energy for healing and virtual hugs.
Thank you so much for every word of this (all rain deliveries gratefully received, too). I hope that your own excess of rain eases off soon. All these extremes aren’t good. And yes, I should get the twinnage to do more, BUT they started secondary school last week which was a massive transition, so I was (probably unreasonably) wary of putting too many demands on them. But thank you for your words and your positive energy and your hugs. Appreciated.
Get well and enjoy the silver linings. As for the rest all I can say is “ditto” to what others have have said.
Thank you! And yeah, silver linings are GOOD.
i wish you to get back in perfect shape soon. kisses
Thank you so much. Am working on it.
Wishing you the very best. Love receiving your emails.
Thank you!
The renting of the body to help it heal….. think of the pain as all those Wonderful little
Fleshy fibres and cells jostling into a new position to make whole again. Hard work for those little fibres and cells so feed them well, think kindly of them and thank them. Pleased the Breast Balance is done, do you have the opportunity for readjustment later on if you feel it’s necessary?daughter had breast reduction surgery just before Covid came along, after 12 months healing and shrinking, stretching into new body shape, she did decide to have a tweaking adjustment surgery that was a standard offer by surgeon. The results were outstanding and she was very pleased she stumped up and did it. Yes do get the twinnage out into the garden. And yes next stage school is quite a mental and emotional transition but the peace to be found in the soil and plants may well be a mind calming, settling and healing thing for them too.
Wishing you well.
Thank you (and I’m glad that your daughter got the outcome she wanted). Yeah I should probably be doing more to encourage the twinnage outside with watering cans. Will try at the weekend. You’ll probably hear the grumbling from your house…
Ah ha! We are bosom buddies. After my mastectomy and implant my doc evened up my other side with a teeny implant and lifting (!). Much boob measuring and drawing.
I hope your pain is temporary that you like the result. Going braless is a perk.
Much boob solidarity to you, bosom buddy. May your body never ever trouble you in this way again.
Oh, Phil, why on earth would you feel guilty? It’s not like you asked for any of this! I’m glad it’s over but please do as they say and DON’T. LIFT. ANYTHING. That way you will heal well and the man with the sharpie won’t have to come back at you.
TheTwinnage are in secondary school? Weren’t they just 5 last year? I guess I blinked. Hope they enjoy it.
Margaret in Vancouver
Yup, the twinnage were indeed 5 last year and I gave birth to them 3 minutes before that. Blink and they’ll be off to their first young offenders’ institution.
But thank you for your kindness. I’m trying to behave, but the trouble with sitting here doing nothing is that I notice all the chaos and squalor that needs sorting…
<3 Phil <3 I elected to stay a touch lop sided and admire your courage and am sending you healing, loving thoughts. It's a b**ger when you can't even knit…how are you supposed to self-soothe?? More <3 to you. Xxx
Total respect to you for remaining lopsided. (I seriously considered it, due to not wanting to waste NHS resources, not wanting to take the tiny risk of surgery going wrong and leaving my children without their dreadful mother, and being a bloody-minded sort who is quite happy to argue the toss with anyone who cares to comment on the relative symmetry of my boobs.) On balance, you’re probably wiser than I am. Respect.
But yeah, not knitting was GRIM.
Phil, you so made the right decision for you. I was 23 and it was four decades ago. I still have part of my boob, like a bottom shelf, and now I have put weight on, it will happily squidge up into a bra cup. Different surgery and options back then. You have made the right choice. I think you are brave and have total respect for you. Having the surgery to replace your boob is part of the process you are in…not one you would ever have chosen, so your courage in seeing it through is inspiring. <3
If I couldn't knit, I would get very ratty indeed or nodgy as my loving lifemate calls it. 😉 <3
May you never ever be in a situation where you suffer knit-deprived nodginess.
And yes, we make decisions based on what’s available at the time. One of my forebears (many many decades ago) also had breast cancer. In those days, surgeons weren’t specialists. I’m sure the chap who operated did his best and my ancestor did survive which was perhaps unusual then, but she was left with one completely useless arm. That must have been so, so difficult. My mother and I have at least walked away from this experience relatively unscathed, and I hope that you have too.
That said, what with the boob surgery and the emergency c-section scar, I’m beginning to fear that my lingerie-modelling career IS NEVER EVEN GOING TO GET OFF THE GROUND!!
You are a gem, Phil. <3
I’m so glad the surgery is finally behind you, but just as sorry to hear that the recovery is slower than you’d hoped. It’s especially hard when you have to miss out on two of your favorite things. I hope these next few weeks bring about accelerated healing and less pain. xo
Not for the first time, I am deeply grateful for your kindness. I’ll get there. And then I’ll annoy you all by bouncing around trying to do All The Things.
xo You are a gem.
Hi Phil, so glad to finally have read this. I’m a little late to the party because I caught the covid virus just went you posted this and I was not able to do much for the last 2 weeks. I know what it feels like to let the garden go because no one else gives a darn about it. Hope you continue to improve. Love and prayers from British Columbia, Joanne
So sorry to hear you are struggling with health issues. I hope you recover quickly. I loved this blog and all your gorgeous photos. You will be back at gardening stronger and healthier next season. Sending you love and blessings from our Homestead in Maine.
Wow, I’m reading this really late. Hopefully the pain is manageable by now…if it’s not there’s something wrong (I’m thinking infection as a retired RN!) This can be very difficult. My poor niece has had bilateral due to the nasty same nasty gene that a famous actress dealt with. Her recovery was very long…she had both mastectomy & reconstruction at the same time. It was a very long procedure & took a long time to recover from. She has a daughter who will have to decide what to do when she reaches maturity.
I’m also late to reading and commenting but hope that you are well on the way to recovery now – if not feeling as good as ever – and that you are able to do something with your veg for the Winter that will make you feel as accomplished as it looks as if you are! 🙂 xx
Just found your blog. I hope recovery has gone well.
Take care 💖