Good news! We passed the home inspection. That means we’re allowed to adopt the kittens. The twinnage had so, so, set their hearts on these furry monsters that I was terrified of breaking their young hearts by failing. We’ve had so many false starts because there’s a shortage of cats available for adoption, at least in our part of the country. Honestly, I was more anxious about this inspection than I was about the viva for my doctorate. On the day the inspector was due to arrive, all I could see in the house was KITTEN HAZARDS, EVERYWHERE. Looking around, you could be forgiven for assuming that our home was designed purely to offer a smorgasbord of untimely demises for cats. We got lucky with the twinnage: they were never the sort of toddlers who needed to be fenced off from the bleach under the sink or the saw in the garage or the sabre tooth tiger in the bathroom. But kittens, I’m reliably informed, are trouble.
Against all manner of odds, we passed. The inspector was thorough – oh so thorough – but fair. Maybe it helped that she was a knitter, too. So in a few days’ time, we become the legally liable lovingly legit slaves of two 13-ish-week-old tearaways. What could possibly go wrong? Plenty, that’s what could go wrong. I can practically see the curtains and the houseplants – not to mention my knitting – quivering at the prospect.
These poor sweet kittens started life dumped in a cardboard box beside a busy road. We’re new to being owned by pets, but I’m confident at least that these particular trouble-makers will know nothing but love and comfort from now on, which I hope will help compensate for their rubbish start in life. (But as a lifelong cat-allergic, I’m seriously stocking up on the antihistamines.)
Another thing has happened, and this one is considerably less cute and fluffy. I mean… that is to say… it’s quite hard to write this… difficult to say the words… I turned 50. 50! Empires have risen and fallen in less time, not that I’d know because I’ve failed to preside over a single empire in my half-century on this planet. I can no longer pretend to be young. It’s not so many decades since I regarded fifty as properly old. Reader, I’m trying to revise that opinion. Trying. Really really trying.
It’s difficult to write anything funny about turning 50, despite the fact that the twinnage find my advanced decrepitude utterly hilarious and aren’t shy about expressing the fact. Yeah, thanks kids. That said, their birthday cards were adorable. (Yes, two children produced three cards: don’t ask.) Their excitement about the cats’ arrival is palpable:-
I’d hoped for some sort of pay-off for turning 50, such as enhanced wisdom or summat. But nope, I’m no wiser than I was at 49 (or at 12 because 12-year-olds know everything, according to the twinnage). At 50 my brain is full, and has been forced to implement a one-fact-in, one-fact-out, policy. Want to remember the capital of Tajikistan? Fine, but in compensation you’ll have to sacrifice all knowledge of where you left your car keys. Need to memorise a recipe? That’s cool, but the penalty is forgetting the name of one of your children, which could get awkward at the dinner table. These days, I write a lot of things down on paper. Then I forget where I left the paper.
There isn’t any knitting in this post, but it’s happening. I’ll show you soon. (I’m mostly working on a new design for a Stylecraft promotion, which is very exciting.) In the meantime, would you like another kitten photo? I hope so…
Happy Birthday Fabulous Lady! Half a century of you strikes me as a Rather Good Thing, and worthy of proper celebration. I hope you had a marvellous day and wish you all a marvellous festive season
Thank you so much! Proper celebration has been / is being had. May your Christmas be happy.
Yes, and down goes the tree XD it will be fine. You will buy electric candles because of the burned mustaches, never leave the cheese/butter/ham/whatchamacallit unsupervised again and will find a kazillion little things under fridge every time you clean. The love they will give concurs all, believe me. Every time I sit and work on a keyboard a kitty will enter to smooch between my arms, one sleeps next to me every night and the other can be combed, cleaned and tooth brushed every morning bribed by sweets. Purring loudly, melting my heart. Love on paws enters your life, including anti-sneeze pills. Keep us posted. Next year, plastic balls in the tree ;>D
Oh man, it’s going to be horrific, isn’t it? But also very, very, cute. May your own feline overlords bring you nothing but joy.
Oh Phil, you do make me laugh – 50 ?! PFUH !!! Next birthday I shall be [gasp !] 80. I wonder every day where all those years are, for heaven’s sake ! I had a terrific 50th, with dearest sister visiting and a croquembouche .. wonderful.
The kittens are heavenly, the dear little creatures. But then, I have always been a cat person; and my current companion, Boodie (whose age is designed to see me out, precisely !), is one of the best I’ve ever known; full of personality and individualism. Like you. 😀
Listen, you extraordinary woman, just never forget that no matter how old one is, it’s a shitload better than the alternative, OK ?
XO and a very happy belated birthday greeting to you.
Well you certainly don’t look 80, and I hope that you don’t feel 80, either. May you (and Boodie) be forever young at heart.
You’re wise, though. Any age, however advanced, is preferable to the alternative.
Thank you.
Love your posts! Gosh you have inspections for getting a cat?! Wish we did here! We got our wee girl from the spca but they don’t inspect your house or see where you live! I always worry about that. Have a great birthday.🎉🌹🍷🎂
When I turned 50, I went back to school!! It was hilarious to spend my days with people young enough to be my children. Enjoy this decade; it can be a challenge, but also a time of much joy.
Thank you both! Joanne, what did you study???
A very happy Birthday from a real oldie (66 in Feb) being 50 means you can knock the “0” off and have fun. You no longer have to be “the sensible adult” party in your heart like there’s no tomorrow Phil. Enjoy your gorgeous fur babies, they will give you so much back.
I LIKE your thinking. Thank you. Seriously, thank you.
I used get itchy around cats! I found I got used to our adopted ones ( they adopted us, just turned up on our door step and walked right in, the first one bought the second at a later date!) If I was away from them for awhile I’d itch for a day or two when I got home.
I hasten to add this was in the dark ages of the 50’s, the 1950’s that is so no chipping or anything so high tech. In those dim and distant days I learned to knit when I was 5 and had a Brownie Proficiency badge for knitting when I was about 8. I had to knit a jumper. It was in two colours and I wore it for several years.
My knitting however is very mundane compared to yours! I do admire your ability.
Happy Christmas (they like climbing up inside Christmas trees!)
Maggie Scammell
P.S. We still have a cat, mad as a hatter and black, chews wooden (well metal too) knitting needles and sitting on knitting patterns.
Maggie, I hardly know where to begin with my response because I love every twist and turn of your comment. A jumper at 8 is IMPRESSIVE. A mad-hatter cat sounds kinda cool.
Happy Birthday! Just hitting your prime then? 😄
Thank you! But nah, I reckon I peaked at about the age of 9. It’s been downhill ever since.
Happy Natal Day, as my dear Father would have me say. And, kudos to your ever-expanding family, beyond squash(es) and veg, so gorgeous they are. Though you may not have written up anything as regards current knitting projects, I really, really enjoyed the re-up of your slide show in the right had margin. Had to stop reading, so I could take in the totality of your wonderfulness. All the best to you and your family this holiday season.
Oh thank you, you’re far too kind. And may your Christmas be colourful and peaceful and fun.
Fellow owned by cats yet allergic person here! A few tips I have learned that I hope might be useful to you: 1) don’t let them in the bedroom at all. 2) you can bathe & brush cats to cut down on the allergens getting everywhere
The younger you start this with them the better (excellent job for the twins!). 3) HEPA filters are amazing. We keep two in the living room to help with the allergens. 4) I bought a bunch of cheap sheets and toss them over the furniture I use and wash them couple of times a week. Keeps you from marinating in dander. 5) the allergy shots are amazing. I’ve got 3 cats and all I get any more is itchy eyes when my boy is shedding. As with all things medical your mileage may vary.
Finally, happy birthday! 50 is a great decade, you are young enough to still do things but old enough you don’t have to put up with any sh*t. 😉
Very seriously, THANK YOU for your advice. I am making notes. I massively appreciate you sharing your experience/wisdom.
Happy birthday! I love your posts, even when the knitting is missing. Good luck with the little kitties – my allergies would kill me if I tried.
Thank you so much. My allergies may yet kill me too, but you can all laugh at me when it goes hideously wrong.
Howdy, youngster! 50, you say. Just a beginner, then.
Love your posts. Hope the twinnage are loving the new kittens. They are darling. Give them a little stroke of love from me, a non-cat person. And raise an extra glass to yourself, something I can’t do because, alas, that’s what I’m allergic to (sigh). So drink my share, and enjoy!
Allergic to alcohol?! Yikes, that sounds deeply not-fun. I’ll stop moaning about my cat allergy. But thank you. The kitties arrive next Tuesday and I’ll be sure to give them cuddles from you.
Well, allergic to the yeast that brews alcohol. Since it is still in the alcohol, yes, allergic to alcohol. And to the fruit that becomes alcoholic. So for the rest of your still-long-years-to-come-life, you can have my share, every day, or as needed. Hope you are treated kindly by the new year!
Dearest Lovely Twisted. I too am 50, today in fact. It’s definitely odd thinking about how I feel at 50 and how I have previously thought about 50 year olds. Plus, who IS that person in the mirror that looks so different to the me on the inside?
Reading your blog is wonderful, but I fear we are turning into each other (difficult since we’ve not met!) I am a fellow psychologist, fellow knitter and fellow cat owner (and yes, I am allergic to them too- antihistamines are a must, but I have adapted to them somewhat- I hope you do too). I’d love to cultivate green fingers and a talent for running but my one sad houseplant and lack of running shoes suggest I have a way to go
Happy birthday xx
Oh my goodness! Hello, twin! And a belated very HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I hope that your day was overflowing with joy and optimism. Are you in the UK?
Yes, I’m up in the wild and windy north east in Durham! My birthday was indeed joyful with knitting and cake and that smug feeling that everyone else is at work except you!! 😆😆
Oh sweetie 50 is nothing I turned 71 and I really can’t believe it. My grandmother was old at 71 but not me. I loving life but now I want a cat thanks to you but I will be content with my knitting. Enjoy the kittens, love your family and have a wonderful holiday.
Thank you, I am learning to readjust my childish notions of what actually constitutes ‘old’. May the rest of your 70s be full of adventure and fun and exciting new things.
PS: You SO need to get a cat.
I think I need a cat too. Have a great holiday
I think you do. #badinfluence
Thrilling to see your post – two kittens will waste your time like nothing else- the interaction between them and the world at large – glad you passed inspection and as for that marvellous milestone you’ve passed, enjoy, enjoy and enjoy even more x let the shenanigans begin!
I know, it’s going to be a (cute) nightmare, isn’t it?! Absolutely nothing will be achieved in this house for at least the next six months.
My daughter just turned 50 on December 7th. She is having a difficult time accepting that this is upon her! I tell her all will be fine. My next milestone will be 75, now that’s a biggie. Enjoy the kitties❤️
*whispers* My birthday was on the 7th, too. Happy birthday to your daughter! May the next half-century bring her nothing but joy. Ditto your 75th.
Mom’s new pint-sized terror means no amaryllis or yarn for Christmas for her. (sigh) I had planned on getting her some fancy yarn, not the utilitarian acrylic. But Pete, the tiny terror gives her someone to keep her company when she puts her puzzles together or plays solitaire with real actual cards. At least you have the boys to entertain them and tire them out.
Fifty was old once, now it is a distant memory. My new t shirt says: ” It’s hard being the same age as old people.” You are old enough to know better and young enough not to care. This birthday is a testament to a smart, resilient woman who beat the C word, got her balance back and is as witty and sarcastically funny as ever. Remember, you’re not getting older, you are getting even. Merry Everything and have a Happy.
Oh, I LOVE the sound of this t-shirt! Thank you for the warmth and kindness in your comment.
Happy birthday from someone who turned 60 this year. Remember, old is your age plus 20, so really you never get there!!
Thank you, I LIKE that philosophy.
happy birthday!
you’ve had a very eventful year in so many ways and i admire how well you have survived it!
and congrats on the kittens… they are adorable!
best regards always,
daisy 🙂
Thank you so much!
So many lovely sentiments expressed already, but I, too, wanted to send belated congratulations over the pond. I’ll be 60 next year, newly an empty nester – now that’s a real change. Enjoy your twinnage while you have them! And have fun with the kitties – mine is black, too, 18 and a half now and doesn’t move much anymore, but from her perch on her heated pillow in a cold Canadian winter, she is still great company and continues to dispense lots of love. Happy Christmas!
Hi Monika. Your kitty sounds adorable, even though she’s elderly. But yes, I can imagine that empty-nesting is a tough challenge. I hope that your offspring are in touch with you often and enthusiastically.
❤❤❤
🙂
Hi Phil! I have been reading your posts for some time now, and they never fail to brighten my day. As for turning 50…well, I turned 70 this year, and I know for a fact that someone has taken time out of my life. I have a son near your age, and I am always getting him and his brother’s names mixed up….I just call one of them James, and the other one “other James”. It confuses them, but at least I don’t have to stress over not remembering. I love your cute little kittens!
I hope you and your family have a joyous Christmas, followed by a wonderful new year.
I smiled and laughed reading your warm-hearted comment. Thank you! May both of your Jameses thrive. And congratulations on turning 70. Merry Christmas!
Happy Birthday! I’m 66 and clearly in denial. I have ailments of older age but truly believe they are temporary – which they are not. Can’t believe that things that happened a few months ago actually took place in 1992. How can that possibly be 30 years ago?! 🤔
66 is a trick, just the same as 50. Ignore it. Denial is hugely underrated 😉
You’re so right, (i) denial is massively underrated, and (ii) 1992 was YESTERDAY. Scary biscuits.
May your ailments vanish and may life be peaceful and good.
Thank you! ❤️
<3
Ditto what Claudia said about cat allergies. Baths help and since yours are young maybe it will become routine for them. Rules help too. (They will get it eventually.) Having twins gives you a head start I think.
I’m not the person I thought 65 year old people are supposed to be, nor 50. I think it begins to give you a ‘who cares’ attitude to what society expects. I now have purple hair. (Real purple not an old lady rinse.)
Purple hair sounds AWESOME. Complete respect to you.
And yes, cat baths sound like a good idea. Sorry, cats.
Oh, and get them used to their feet being touched and Stoic Spouse cutting their nails. (The vet can do it but for a fee. Trying to help your allergies.) Knitting content: not all cats are yarn obsessive.
Thank you. No chance that the Stoic Spouse will cut the nails, but I’ll try to get the furry monsters used to the idea.
Happy birthday! I noticed around the 55 year mark that I became fearless in many aspects of my life. Forever more is much shorter than before (I just watched “Gigi” a few days ago), and you realize so many things just don’t matter.
And even with allergies, I’m surprised that you as an Englishwoman are just getting your first brace of kitties! My kitties were my life when I lived in England, and it was an easy thing to do as everyone else seemed to have cats – at least in my neck of the woods. You’ll find you have much more to write about in your posts for the next several months as you adjust, and perhaps longer.
Yup, the cats are most DEFINITELY going to be blog-fodder. Sorry-not-sorry. Also, I love your post-55 attitude. Complete respect to you.
I find it astounding and heartbreaking that authorities care more about a cat than a human life inutero.
Well if I was going to adopt a human baby then I’d face a LOT more scrutiny than this, which is only right and proper.
What better way to celebrate 50 than a pair of kittens! See, you’re wiser than you even knew, and be sure to keep those kitten pictures coming…
Happiest of Birthday wishes,
Cydne
Aww, thank you! Believe me, kitten spam will be a BIG feature of this blog in the near future.
The kittens are delicious! And, yes, you are right to be concerned about the tree. My then husband & I bought a house, adopted a kitten and put up our first Christmas tree in the same year. I covered the tree with cute angels made from white yarn. Well, I got home from work the next day to find the tree down and white yarn covering 2 rooms! My son’s cats are older so they never harmed the tree,but last year my 2-1/2 yo grandson pulled it down! Good luck with everything.
50 is just another number. As a seventy something, I promise you that life goes on. Keep on with your family, career, knitting, running and all the other oarts of your life!
Uh-oh, kittens really are trouble, aren’t they? Life is about to get messy. Also, cute.
But thank you – quite seriously – for your wisdom about age.
The kittens are adorable! I do love cats, though I have none. I love their grace and their insouciance. And those purrs are pretty nice too. Perhaps after I retire. Then again, perhaps not. I love the birds in my garden too. As for turning 50? Oh, whuppersnapper, what good things are in store for you. The 50s are bound to be one of your very best decades! Ever. Really! There’s nothing like them. The whole world is open to you, like a big juicy apple — just bite. And then bite again. I am beginning to approch 70, and I’m here to tell you, just flat out refuse to let a cotton-pickin’ number determine the quality of your life or limit your interests. Keep on doing what you do until God says s/he has another adventure in mind with your name on it. Adventures are fun. Happy Birthday!
Oh, I LIKE your attitude, and will aspire to follow in your wise footsteps.
As for garden birds, I completely agree. These predators will be indoor-only. No frogs or dragonflies or birds will be harmed in the adopting of these kitties.
You’re only 50? Congratulations BTW. I dunno, young people these days! I turned 66 this year and gratefully collected my Free Pensioner’s Bus Pass. DH and I have been so many places, it’s really helped with the price of everything else skyrocketing. Though I understand entirely about the one-fact-in-one-fact-out and forgetting where you put the lists. I’m also waiting til my hair goes grey enough to be able to dye it ‘properly purple’, I’ve long since knitted the red hat.
Shan’t show this to DH though, I am allergic to cats and, much as he thinks he might like one, clearly don’t love him that much! Though if it would adopt our gardens as its own territory, & see off all the other local moggies who regard it as a communal litter tray . . . Nah!
We have a flat Christmas tree I made from three garden canes, Isosceles triangle, tinsel and silver mesh. This hangs on a wall. Don’t know whether it would be kitty-proof, merely offer it as an idea.
50. Old. Hah! Enjoy being Cat-staff & have a great Christmas, all of you
Aww thank you for every warm-hearted word of this comment. May you and DH have endless adventures ahead. And may your properly purple hair – when it happens – be magnificently beautiful.
I found putting a blanket or piece of fabric over my knitting was enough to keep the kittens out.
Good tip. Thank you.
I am now 75 and I thought getting to 50 was something to celebrate, (With a home cooked 10 course meal – my daughter helped). Half a century – what an achievement.. So try to look at it that way. Lots of life after 50,
Thank you. (A TEN-course meal? That sounds awesome!)
I’ve learned never to complain about my age to anyone older than me because they always say “ Oh, that’s nothing. I wish I was your age again.” So I won’t say that to you though I am sorely tempted! Anyway, it’s not my actual age that bothers me, it’s the reminder of that endless and accelerating March of Time. I get anxious at New Year’s every year for the same reason.
Yes, you’re wise. I should maybe not have grumbled on here. But also yes, I ‘get’ the NYE thing, totally.
Hmmm. Now is a good time to stand vigil as regards your eyebrows. Somewhen during my fraught-filled fifties, mine pulled up stakes and migrated to my upper lip. The few that missed that off ramp landed on my chin. Oh, and then there is, more frightening still, the loss of exquisite multisyllabic nouns. I was an editor/writer, known for my voluminous vocabulary, that is until that fateful decade, when the thesaurus became my closest and dearest companion. No one else would have me. Phil, you are the most endearing soul. I fully expect you to embrace your fifties as you would any impossibly tangled skein of yarn; which will, doubtless, be many, once the wee fur babies arrive. You might consider adopting this mantra to calmly chant to yourself: “Put down the scissors!”
Congrats on passing the home check for your lovely kittens. You’re brave, putting up a Christmas tree! I have an 18-month-old whippet and she’s like a cat on speed, so no tree for me this year.
50 isn’t old, by today’s standards you’re only halfway through!
Uh-oh, it’s going to be a (cute) nightmare, isn’t it?!
Happy, happy to you! 23 years ago when I turned 50, Elder Son, 15 or so at the time, wrote me a poem:
Today you are 50.
It’s really, really nifty.
Give me a gifty.
We have always had cats. And a couple of times we had toddlers. Christmas tree solution: my husband put a large hook in the ceiling right above the tree and tied the top of the tree to the hook. Worked perfectly. We just sold that house — I wonder if the new owner noticed that hook and wondered…
Your husband’s solution to the cat vs tree problem sounds fabulous.
But not quite as fabulous as your son’s cheeky poem!
The hook is a brilliant solution!
Yes!
So glad you passed the kitten inspection. 🐈
The squash looks so pretty (as well as edible!)
And as for the birthday milestone… just think of it this way – in ten years time you’ll look back and realise how YOUNG it was!! 🤗
You’re right of course (about the age thing). I’m TRYING to be vaguely sensible about it all…
And yes, the squash was delicious as well as pretty.
Happy Birthday! 50 is good. I just bought myself an 80th birthday present, new bicycle. No more room for yarn. Lifting weights is also good at 50, it impresses other people’s kids. Cats don’t care. Some day I think training cats is easier then training kids. But then I come to my senses and have a glass of of wine. Or 2. Take care!
I turned 50 in 2021, and I am having a blast. I’m not sure what switch flipped in my head, but I am just over so much that used to waste my time and precious energy. Please be extra kind and loving to yourself. I can totally relate to the memory stuff. I often forget the exact word I need, but I’m good at synonyms, so it’s okay. I joke that my brain is like an overstuffed Rolodex and it takes forever to find the thing I’m looking for, especially since a lot of it is misfiled!
Have fun with the kittens!❤️
I do enjoy things knitted. But I love kitties to pieces. So more pics please. What a good mom you are doing this with allergy.
Oh you will have so much fun Phil. I turned fifty a few years back and my biggest moan is that my hair won’t go grey (aside from the mallon streak).
As you know we are now owned by lily the wilful westie since the demise of the elderly Burmese but how much fun the kitten days are.
Get them trained to a harness & leash (not the boys – though maybe…..), the twinnage will love taking them for rambling walks down the lanes.
Awaiting pics of 🐈🐈⬛ X
Don’t worry, FIFTY in scrabble is only 14!
I loved my fifties, admittedly I was in a different situation to you as I’d recently divorced and was discovering how much I loved living on my own. But that decade made me so much more content with myself. I now swim outdoors all year round and have got very blasé about my fat middle aged body being on display (outdoor swimmers need cake!) when I was body conscious before. As a mainly powerchair user I spend a lot of time fighting for disabled access, and refuse to be brushed back in a way I might have accepted before. Life is good, go live it!