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Eulogy

March 16, 2022 by The Twisted Yarn 136 Comments

I wasn’t going to mention this on here, but then blogging collided a little with “real” life, so I changed my mind. 

Gotta say, the knitting has kept me reasonably close to sanity over these past few weeks.

The other day, I got home from a trip north to Cheshire. It was a bittersweet experience. My very dear aunt Dot died suddenly, and it was with a heavy heart that the Twisted Seniors and I made the long journey north to attend her funeral. Dot was Father Twisted’s little sister, and underneath a certain amount of teasing and banter, their mutual affection ran deep, though neither of them would have admitted it.

Nobody was surprised that the service and the wake were packed out, because Dot’s warmth and humour made an impression on everyone she met. She was unfailingly kind-hearted and optimistic and generous. When I mentioned her death to friends and neighbours in our village, many of them reminded me that they met her when she came to stay and that she was lovely. Even the twinnage – whose shyness makes them wary of speaking to pretty much anyone – loved Dot for her playfulness. I felt bad for not taking them to the funeral, but they’ve missed so much school already.

Will you indulge me if I share a few memories, please? I remember first spending time with her and realizing that she was awesome at roughly the age of nine, on the day when this photo of me and my cousins was taken. (Sadly I don’t have a picture of Dot from that day.)

Me (left) with my three cousins.

But it was in my late teens that she and I grew properly close. I thought she was cool and interesting. And I spent happy weeks staying with her “oop north”, where we shared our love of mountains, wildlife, literature, and all sorts of Indian food. I even lived with her for a year or so in my early twenties.

Yet Dot’s life wasn’t easy. In early adulthood, she developed the severe obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) that would blight the rest of her days. Let’s just say that the ‘treatment’ – I use that word loosely – that she received back in the day would not in any way be considered acceptable now. On a lighter note, she told me about her time as an inpatient at the famous Bethlem psychiatric hospital in London (origin of the word ‘bedlam’), and how she and a couple of other patients would sneak out in the evening to go and watch a nearby colony of badgers. For this, I admired her: here was a woman who had her priorities right! Dot and I talked OCD for hours and hours and hours and hours. And hours. It’s because of her that I decided to become a clinical psychologist – I wanted to provide something kinder, more collaborative, and more effective than the awful “treatment” she’d endured.

Never trust an aunt with a camera.

So at the end of last week I went to the funeral, and read a verse (Christina Rossetti’s ‘Remember’). It was good to see family, especially my three cousins. The eulogies – from Father Twisted, and Dot’s first husband, and her current partner – were deeply moving. The saddest thing was thinking at the wake about how much she would have enjoyed the occasion, if only she could have been there. 

The thing that prompted me to post all this here was that at the wake, a number of kind people came up, introduced themselves, and mentioned that Dot had led them to this blog and told them all about the twinnage. I had no idea. It’s typical of her generosity of spirit, though, that she spoke kindly to so many people about these ramblings of mine. There was me thinking that the success of this blog was down to the TOTAL BRILLIANCE of my writing, when all along it was just because my dear aunt told the whole world to read it. That’s what led me to write this post: it didn’t feel right to do a ‘normal’ post when, as Dot’s friend Ali rightly said, there’s a Dot-shaped hole in all our lives.

The day after the funeral, we visited the family home for what will likely be the final time, because it’s due to be sold. My grandparents bought this little house in 1970, and they, and then Dot, lived in it until now. I know, I know, it’s just bricks and mortar; time moves on. But I’ll miss this house. I’ll miss its beautiful long, narrow, back garden. I’ll miss chatting to the other people in the terrace.

Rest in peace, Dot. You’ll never be forgotten.

Thank you for indulging me, my Fine, Fibrous Friends. Normal levels of yarny silliness will be resumed next time.

Very much outnumbered by twinnage

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Filed Under: Knitting Tagged With: Dot, eulogy

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Comments

  1. Rosie Fartch says

    March 16, 2022 at 11:26 pm

    Thank you for this post. My three brothers and I buried our Mum yesterday and it sounds as if she was very similar to your Aunty Dot. Loved by everyone who met them. Sending love.

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      March 17, 2022 at 6:07 pm

      Oh goodness Rosie, I’m so sorry to read those words. May your Mum rest in peace and may everyone who knew her (especially you and your brothers) derive some comfort from precious memories of her. Sending love to you, too.

      Reply
  2. slippedstitches says

    March 17, 2022 at 12:44 am

    So sorry for your loss. This post is a first class tribute to a wonderful woman.

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      March 17, 2022 at 6:03 pm

      Thank you. She was a first class woman, so it wasn’t difficult to pay tribute to her.

      Reply
  3. leelah saachi says

    March 17, 2022 at 7:27 am

    Thank you for this post – reminding me of these kind of women in my own life – and how wonderful it feels to sit and BE with those memories.
    And Phil – I am one of those who actually THINK that your blog IS brilliant – or not *think*, but FEEL – everything beautiful you write about your aunt could be said without yourself – as I “know” you through your writing/stitching. Much love!

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      March 17, 2022 at 6:05 pm

      Are you sure that Dot didn’t tell you to say that?! But joking aside, thank you so much. I’m glad that you have/had Dots in your own life, too, because these women are an honour to know.

      Reply
  4. Lisa says

    March 17, 2022 at 8:39 am

    So sorry for your loss of your beloved Aunt! Thank you for sharing her with us! Hugz to you and your family

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      March 17, 2022 at 6:02 pm

      Thank you so much! She was indeed beloved.

      Reply
  5. perraverde says

    March 17, 2022 at 8:52 am

    Sorry for your loss sounds so inadequate but what else can I say? Keep on knitting, I’m sure your aunt Dot would tell you! hugs from a windy island in the Med. xx

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      March 17, 2022 at 6:02 pm

      Ooh, windy island in the Med sounds fun! I hope it’s warm as well as windy. And thank you for your words of kindness – I really do appreciate them.

      Reply
  6. Lisa says

    March 17, 2022 at 11:40 am

    What a precious tribute to your aunt Dot. She sounds like a wonderful person. Thank you for sharing a bit of her with us.

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      March 17, 2022 at 6:01 pm

      She really was, and thank you for reading.

      Reply
  7. Laura says

    March 17, 2022 at 11:52 am

    “There is a time in life when you expect the world to be always full of new things. And then comes a day when you realise that is not how it will be at all. You see that life will become a thing made of holes. Absences. Losses. Things that were there and are no longer. And you realise, too, that you have to grow around and between the gaps, though you can put your hand out to where things were and feel that tense, shining dullness of the space where the menories are”.
    ——– Helen Macdonald, H Is For Hawk

    It’s devastatingly true, for all of us.
    Phil, I’m so sorry.
    Thanks for sharing such beautiful memories with us all. A big, big hug.

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      March 17, 2022 at 6:00 pm

      Gosh, powerful words, and so very true. Thank you for sharing that piece. And thank you for your kindness, too.

      Reply
  8. Alexandra Mary Smith says

    March 17, 2022 at 5:39 pm

    What a lovely remembrance, Phil. Thank you for sharing with us. So very sorry for your loss.

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      March 17, 2022 at 5:59 pm

      Thank you for all of this. You’re very kind.

      Reply
  9. Lynn says

    March 18, 2022 at 3:49 pm

    I am very sorry that you lost a loved one. It’s always hard. She indeed would have loved your blog post about her. I love the picture of her with the camera! Oh what a mischievous grin she has in that picture! Again my heart felt sympathies.

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      March 20, 2022 at 7:33 pm

      Thank you. She was VERY mischievous, so this picture of her is absolutely perfect.

      Reply
  10. Jaye Jacques says

    March 18, 2022 at 4:34 pm

    Your lovely words have given us a picture of a kind, beautiful and fun filled lady. The memories will help carry you through to a point where remembering brings a warm contented feeling.

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      March 20, 2022 at 7:34 pm

      Thank you She absolutely was kind, beautiful and fun-filled. You’re right. The memories are precious but I just wish that she had stayed with us for longer.

      Reply
  11. Savannagal says

    March 18, 2022 at 4:57 pm

    I’m so sad to hear of the loss of your dear Aunt. May your memories always keep her near.

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      March 20, 2022 at 7:34 pm

      Thank you so much.

      Reply
  12. Jane E Gourley says

    March 19, 2022 at 6:35 pm

    We recently lost my father-in-law in the dim small days between Christmas and New Year. It is hard. Grief leaves a hole that never goes, but gradually that hole fills up with the memories of that person and that makes it a little easier to bear. Thank you for sharing your memories of your aunt with us. I hope it helped you too. Sending hugs.

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      March 20, 2022 at 7:37 pm

      I’m so sorry that you’re enduring the pain of the loss of your father-in-law. I hope you have many, many, memories of his goodness. Love results in grief and grief is hard. Thank you for your kind words.

      Reply
  13. Phyl Thorpe says

    March 21, 2022 at 3:48 pm

    SO lovely to hear about your Aunt Dot …she sounds and looks like a very special person and something of a ‘fairy godmother to your good self. Feel sure she is ‘woven’ into your many stunning pieces of work … not least the ‘dots’/ spots! Phyl xx

    Reply
  14. Doriana M says

    March 21, 2022 at 10:43 pm

    So very sorry for your loss. I know it all to well. I have buried to many loved ones in the 6 months that I have gone numb with the goodbyes. Love to you and your family, peace always.

    Reply
  15. Jane Sturgeon says

    March 22, 2022 at 3:31 pm

    Phil, I can feel your Dot shaped hole and hold you all with love. What a wonderful character your Aunty Dot sounds and her energy looks so playful. A beautiful tribute to a beautoful character. Soft hugs for you all. <3

    Reply
  16. talespinnerwordweaver says

    March 23, 2022 at 12:27 am

    Hi Phil,
    I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your Aunt. I’m hoping you can help me out. I’m going to be sharing my home with 3 generations of Ukranians as soon as we can get their visas sorted. The youngest is a 9 year old boy who’s lost everything except a change of clothes. I don’t know his interests or anything about 9 year olds I was hoping you might be able to give me a heads up on how to make him feel welcome. Is he told for a stuffie? I’m going to give his recently widowed Grandmother, and his Mum one. Thanks

    Reply
    • The Twisted Yarn says

      April 18, 2022 at 5:31 pm

      Hi, and huge apologies for slow response. (I thought I’d replied to this, then realized that I hadn’t.) It’s difficult with 9-y-o’s, because by that age they’ll have developed definite preferences, so it’s hard to choose anything without knowing what interests them. (Sport? Art? Stories? Animals?) I know this sounds random, but maybe a table-tennis set? Good luck with sorting the visas, and I hope that the people you’ll be housing have suffered less trauma than so many of their fellow Ukranians.

      Reply
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#stylecrafthighlandheathers #strandedcolourwork #strandedknitting #strandedcolorwork #fairisleknitting #fairisle #fairislefriday #knitspo #knitspiration #knitdesigner #freeknittingpattern #garn #virkning
...

161 0

thetwistedyarn

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Oct 26

Open
This is going to sound like a paid advert, but I swear that it's not. I've just stumbled across a website called @YarnSub and it's awesome! You can enter the name of any yarn and it'll give you the best possible substitutions with a % match score based on gauge, texture, fibre, etc. See https://yarnsub.com and enjoy!

This is going to sound like a paid advert, but I swear that it`s not. I`ve just stumbled across a website called @YarnSub and it`s awesome! You can enter the name of any yarn and it`ll give you the best possible substitutions with a % match score based on gauge, texture, fibre, etc. See https://yarnsub.com and enjoy! ...

168 18

thetwistedyarn

View

May 11

Open
View from a sofa, as I contemplate ideas for a new blog post (that'll doubtless take weeks to be drafted and re-re-re-re-re-drafted).

View from a sofa, as I contemplate ideas for a new blog post (that`ll doubtless take weeks to be drafted and re-re-re-re-re-drafted). ...

168 18

thetwistedyarn

View

Dec 25

Open
Merry Christmas, people! May the coming year be filled with your favourite yarn.

Merry Christmas, people! May the coming year be filled with your favourite yarn. ...

224 7

thetwistedyarn

View

Feb 5

Open
Today. I'm mostly contemplating shoulders (pic 1) and walking with the Twinnage and Stoic Spouse (pic 2). 
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#knitdesigner

Today. I`m mostly contemplating shoulders (pic 1) and walking with the Twinnage and Stoic Spouse (pic 2).
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#knitdesigner
...

146 2

thetwistedyarn

View

Jan 11

Open
New blog post at thetwistedyarn.com, yeah?

New blog post at thetwistedyarn.com, yeah? ...

217 7

thetwistedyarn

View

Sep 15

Open
Whilst I recover from surgery, I'm knitting another Äkäslompolo cardigan (that I designed for @novitaknits yarns) because I want one to keep! Just started the armhole steeks. The thing about having a rubbish memory is that every instruction comes as a surprise, even though I wrote it. 
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Pattern currently available in Finnish in the Novita magazine, but I'll be allowed to publish it in English in a couple of months' time. 
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#strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #fairislecardigan #knitdesigner #fairisle #fairislefriday #strikke #strikkedilla #virkning #garn #knitspo #knitspiration #novita #tricot #tricoter #steek #steeking #knitwear #stashknitting #handknit #handknitting #colourworkknitting #colorworkknitting #igknit #igknitters #strikstrikstrik #heirloomknits #knitting

Whilst I recover from surgery, I`m knitting another Äkäslompolo cardigan (that I designed for @novitaknits yarns) because I want one to keep! Just started the armhole steeks. The thing about having a rubbish memory is that every instruction comes as a surprise, even though I wrote it.
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Pattern currently available in Finnish in the Novita magazine, but I`ll be allowed to publish it in English in a couple of months` time.
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#strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #fairislecardigan #knitdesigner #fairisle #fairislefriday #strikke #strikkedilla #virkning #garn #knitspo #knitspiration #novita #tricot #tricoter #steek #steeking #knitwear #stashknitting #handknit #handknitting #colourworkknitting #colorworkknitting #igknit #igknitters #strikstrikstrik #heirloomknits #knitting
...

361 20

thetwistedyarn

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Dec 2

Open
Re-reading this fascinating book - Interaction Of Colo(u)r by Josef Albers - whilst I write the chapter about using colour in stranded knitting for my own book. Highly recommend the Albers book if you fancy a really deep dive into how and why colours behave so differently, depending on their neighbours. 
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#strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #fairisletechniques #fairisleknitting #fairisledesign #fairislefriday

Re-reading this fascinating book - Interaction Of Colo(u)r by Josef Albers - whilst I write the chapter about using colour in stranded knitting for my own book. Highly recommend the Albers book if you fancy a really deep dive into how and why colours behave so differently, depending on their neighbours.
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#strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting #fairisletechniques #fairisleknitting #fairisledesign #fairislefriday
...

141 2

thetwistedyarn

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Aug 3

Open
New blog post at thetwistedyarn.com (see link in bio). Includes happy times with fellow Stylecraft Blogstars.

New blog post at thetwistedyarn.com (see link in bio). Includes happy times with fellow Stylecraft Blogstars. ...

160 10

thetwistedyarn

View

Jul 4

Open
Been a while since I posted some hospital knitting, but today I had a pre-op appointment for my post-cancer evening-up-the-boobs-so-I-don't-list-to-the-left-when-I-go-running surgery. @novitaknits

Been a while since I posted some hospital knitting, but today I had a pre-op appointment for my post-cancer evening-up-the-boobs-so-I-don`t-list-to-the-left-when-I-go-running surgery. @novitaknits ...

220 13

thetwistedyarn

View

May 2

Open
I finished designing a thing. @novitaknits yarns are lush. 🙂
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#strandedcolourwork #strandedknitting #strandedcolorwork #fairisletechniques #fairislefriday #fairisledesign #knitdesigner #knittingdesigner #nevernotknitting #novitaknits #novita #garn #strikkedilla #strikke #virkning #knitspo #knitspiration

I finished designing a thing. @novitaknits yarns are lush. 🙂
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#strandedcolourwork #strandedknitting #strandedcolorwork #fairisletechniques #fairislefriday #fairisledesign #knitdesigner #knittingdesigner #nevernotknitting #novitaknits #novita #garn #strikkedilla #strikke #virkning #knitspo #knitspiration
...

351 48

thetwistedyarn

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Feb 12

Open
Another day, another blog post. See linky in bio or thetwistedyarn.com.

Another day, another blog post. See linky in bio or thetwistedyarn.com. ...

89 0

thetwistedyarn

View

Jan 14

Open
Time to stop the colourful stuff for a while and begin crunching some serious numbers. Crunch, crunch, crunch...
Depressive Pencils = a fabulous gift from my super friend @toads_mum 
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#knitdesigner #knittingschematic

Time to stop the colourful stuff for a while and begin crunching some serious numbers. Crunch, crunch, crunch...
Depressive Pencils = a fabulous gift from my super friend @toads_mum
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#knitdesigner #knittingschematic
...

136 13

thetwistedyarn

View

Nov 9

Open
Playing with the Estonian stranded technique of roosimine. Floats on the right side look like embroidery! Kinda fun.
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#roosimine #roosimineknitting #Estonia #estonianknitting #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting

Playing with the Estonian stranded technique of roosimine. Floats on the right side look like embroidery! Kinda fun.
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#roosimine #roosimineknitting #Estonia #estonianknitting #strandedcolourwork #strandedcolorwork #strandedknitting
...

209 5

thetwistedyarn

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Nov 20

Open
Hairy trouble is afoot. See thetwistedyarn.com or linky in profile for new blog post.

Hairy trouble is afoot. See thetwistedyarn.com or linky in profile for new blog post. ...

212 6

thetwistedyarn

View

Aug 22

Open
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: CHECK YOUR BITS AND PIECES, PEOPLE! Today was the third of my annual post-cancer mammograms. Honestly, it's uncomfortable rather than painful, and definitely worth it.
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Also, top tip: if your hair is somewhere between chin and shoulder length, take a hair bobble to tie it back, so that it doesn't interfere with the imaging. (Longer hair isn't a problem, because it can be draped over a shoulder.) I forgot this time, and had to improvise with a surgical glove! By some miracle I remembered to remove the glove before venturing back out into the hospital.
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#breastcancerawareness #breastcancer #ibeatcancer #mammogram

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: CHECK YOUR BITS AND PIECES, PEOPLE! Today was the third of my annual post-cancer mammograms. Honestly, it`s uncomfortable rather than painful, and definitely worth it.
.
Also, top tip: if your hair is somewhere between chin and shoulder length, take a hair bobble to tie it back, so that it doesn`t interfere with the imaging. (Longer hair isn`t a problem, because it can be draped over a shoulder.) I forgot this time, and had to improvise with a surgical glove! By some miracle I remembered to remove the glove before venturing back out into the hospital.
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#breastcancerawareness #breastcancer #ibeatcancer #mammogram
...

396 32

thetwistedyarn

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May 3

Open
New blog post! See thetwistedyarn.com or link in bio. Warning: contains personal inadequacy and failure.

New blog post! See thetwistedyarn.com or link in bio. Warning: contains personal inadequacy and failure. ...

227 8

thetwistedyarn

View

Apr 26

Open
Decent weather for a run. Yes I do occasionally put my knitting down. The colours of this view are a statement, too.
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#running #freedomforukraine

Decent weather for a run. Yes I do occasionally put my knitting down. The colours of this view are a statement, too.
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#running #freedomforukraine
...

206 4

thetwistedyarn

View

Jan 14

Open
Uh-oh. #knittingwithcats @stylecraftyarns

Uh-oh. #knittingwithcats @stylecraftyarns ...

231 15

thetwistedyarn

View

May 9

Open
My implausibly awesome friend @buttonspickles has just published this sock pattern. This a woman who seriously knows her cables and her socks, so this pattern is worth checking out. There's a link in her bio for purchase.

My implausibly awesome friend @buttonspickles has just published this sock pattern. This a woman who seriously knows her cables and her socks, so this pattern is worth checking out. There`s a link in her bio for purchase. ...

109 4

thetwistedyarn

View

Nov 2

Open
New blog post alert! See link in bio. I hope you enjoy it. 🙂

New blog post alert! See link in bio. I hope you enjoy it. 🙂 ...

278 6

thetwistedyarn

View

Apr 30

Open
Washed ready for blocking... and mysteriously suddenly enormous. The swatch didn't behave like this!

Washed ready for blocking... and mysteriously suddenly enormous. The swatch didn`t behave like this! ...

263 25

thetwistedyarn

View

Jan 23

Open
My long-loved and dear friend @mary_megarry_number452 sent this card two years ago with many warm-hearted words inside. Little did either of us know that in addition to the knitting, the two black cats would also become a reality. Hope to see you soon, Mary. ❤ Artist is Dee Nickerson.

My long-loved and dear friend @mary_megarry_number452 sent this card two years ago with many warm-hearted words inside. Little did either of us know that in addition to the knitting, the two black cats would also become a reality. Hope to see you soon, Mary. ❤ Artist is Dee Nickerson. ...

335 4
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